Quotes
New York turns your skull into a cage, your brain into a rat, and the city is the stick poking the rat all day.
Our political nominating process seems like a time-consuming way to pick the richest asshole.
What makes whacky conspiracy theorists any more deluded than the “Meritocracy Theorists”?
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
Ideas that have outlived their day may hobble about the world for years, but it is hard for them ever to lead and dominate life. Such ideas never gain complete possession of a man, or they gain possession only of incomplete people.
The answer is there is no answer.
Accounting fraud is Wall Street's business model.
Men are disturbed not by events, but by their opinion about events.
Is this mirror metric? Send it back to the front desk to be recalibrated! It's off by years and pounds and wrinkles!
A revolution is interesting insofar as it avoids like the plague the plague it promised to heal.
Keep as far away as you can from the places where they gather to cheat and insult one another, to exploit one another, to laugh at one another, or to mock one another with their false gestures of friendship.
The thing about life in San Francisco right now is that it's f*cking awesome. And it's not f*cking awesome because it's a fairytale. Or because you're going to marry Jake Gyllenhall or Blake Lively. It isn't and you're not. It's awesome simply because the air is clean and mild, you have a decent apartment, a gym membership, a few friends, and you're not eking out a polluted, hellish existence on 12 rupees a day in Delhi. You're a repulsive troll but you're also a lucky son of a b*tch.
The ideal citizen of a politically corrupt state, such as the one we now have, is a gullible dolt unable to tell truth from bullshit.
Bankers are so blinded by their Ptolemaic view of the world that they can't see outside of it.
The only two skills that educated people have in the US is tapping on laptops and running their mouths.
Some people say journalism is in decline. They say you've become too politicized, too focused on sensationalism. They say you no longer honor your duty to inform America but instead actively try to divide us so your corporate overlords can rake-in the profits. I don't have a joke for this. I'm just letting you know what some people say.
I'm hostile to men, I'm hostile to women, I'm hostile to cats, to poor cockroaches, I'm afraid of horses.
America is a hurricane, and the only people who do not hear the sound are those fortunate if incredibly stupid and smug White Protestants who live in the center, in the serene eye of the big wind.
There are two types of people: complete idiots and not complete idiots.
What fundamentalism attempts to do is take one aspect of what we are as human beings and say, "that's what we're going to build our society around!"
We're no good, and we can prove it!
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
Every economic fact is a defense of dying capitalism.
Every animal in the circus openly doesn't want to be there or wants to murder you. Why is it a plus for audiences to see things entertain them against their will?
We totalitarians should come together and get rid of this liberal!
Here are some things I have learned at Burt's Westside Tavern: 1, Never shack up with a divorced woman who is two house payments behind and swears you are the best sex she ever had, and 2, Never eat cocktail weenies out of the urinal, no matter how big the bet gets.
73 virgins in arab heaven and not a dam one in this bar!
Paradise isn't supposed to be a place you want to flee!
There is nothing real in the garden of deception that is the US economy.
I want to be the Rush Limbaugh of the Left.
WHY IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU SETTLE FOR THE MARS VOLTA WHEN YOU COULD BOOK THE GANG FONT? WE MAKE THEM SOUND LIKE THE CHUCK E CHEESE PUPPET HOUSE BAND.
The best lack all conviction, while the worst. Are full of passionate intensity.
If you don't believe in truth, then all there is is power and symbols.
Libertarianism is bored Republicans double-dog-daring each other in a 7-11 parking lot.
I'm looking for fun ideas, and I'm especially tired of hearing about unicode. Since all of Earth's people will speak Ruby and only Ruby. It will render unicode worthless. Unicode will be back in permanent archives with stuff like unicycles and unisex bathrooms and other uni-prefixed things that focus too much on singularity. They'll be replaced by better things like rubicycles and rubisex bathrooms and the whole rubiverse!
There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
You can tell a State is about to fall when the wealthy people stop paying taxes.
The liberal idea of tolerance is more and more a kind of intolerance. What it means is 'Leave me alone; don't harass me; I'm intolerant towards your over-proximity.
Now I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
Most of this business boils down to "I don't like that guy".
Crime, once exposed, has no refuge but in audacity.
Have children taught me a lot about debt? Well, ex-wives have taught me more.
Marjorie and I have been married for years and have a sound relationship based on our complicit denial about our binge-eating, and our children.
We're living in a giant tower of promises that cannot be kept.
Don't let a few insignificant facts distract you from waging a holy war.
The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one.
Drama always seems worse than it is.
Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
Humans are very good at solving individual problems, but that has the cost of creating larger collective problems which we can't solve.
Benjamin Franklin proved an important scientific point, which is that electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called “generators,” turns back into electricity, which is sent in the form of “volts” (also known as “watts,” or “rpm” for short), through special wires with birds sitting on them to consumers’ homes, where it is transformed by TV sets into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a “circuit.”
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
Intelligence is not to make no mistakes, but quickly to see how to make them good.
Most of our politicians and news anchors are sorcerers who use hypnosis to keep people in a lowered state of consciousness.
There aren't good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and everybody else's ideas.
ATTENTION: I did not get enough attention as a child.
You're fighting in a bloody conflict you don't understand commanded by people who have no idea what you do and no loyalty to their country.
The TARP bailout was more than the entire fifty year operating budget of NASA.
The sky turned black with the flapping wings of chickens coming home to roost.
Politics in America has become institutionalized bribery.
After today, I've decided to stop getting all my news from dramatic one-man shows.
Civilization cannot survive when language becomes the terrain of a thoroughly instrumentalized political war.
For years the banks and the politicians shared the profits with themselves, but now that there are losses we have to pay for them?
Finance has become a tyrant and expertise has become a swindle.
Q: What is the atomic weight of Balonium?
A: It depends on whether it's Pure Balonium or Phoney Balonium.
A: It depends on whether it's Pure Balonium or Phoney Balonium.
In 1906, an earthquake struck California's 8th district, leveling San Francisco and marking the last time anyone could afford to live there without six roommates.
Life is too serious to be taken seriously.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
For convenience, Super Tuesday Ballot simplified to just "Rich" or "Crazy".
It's like we're living in a rotting mansion run by delusional megalomaniacs.
I smoke, if that bothers any of you, I suggest you take a look at the world you live in and shut your fucking mouth.
Mass media is a lobotomy machine that anesthetizes people into an ultimate state of idiocy and consumer passivity.
Cake is like porn for your stomach.
Human society as a whole is a vast brainwashing machine whose semantic rules and sex roles create a social robot.
Wise men have regarded the earth as a tragedy, a farce, even an illusionist's trick; but all, if they are truly wise, and not merely intellectual rapists, recognize that it is certainly some kind of stage in which we all play roles, most of us being very poorly coached and totally unrehearsed before the curtain rises. Is it too much if I ask, tentatively, that we agree to look upon it as a circus, a touring carnival wandering about the sun for a record season of four billion years and producing new monsters and miracles, hoaxes and bloody mishaps, wonders and blunders, but never quite entertaining the customers well enough to prevent them from leaving, one by one, and returning to their homes for a long and bored winter's sleep under the dust?
Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind of alcohol again? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.
I blew a speaker in my car today. Yeah, he was a motivational speaker. Left a bad in my mouth but I feel a lot more positive now.
In conlusion, there is no conclusion. Things will go on as they always have, getting weirder all the time.
We look for the Secret - the Philosopher's Stone, the Elixir of the Wise, Supreme Enlightenment, 'God' or whatever...and all the time it is carrying us about...It is the human nervous system itself.
I'm going to film my entire life and watch it later... PUT YOUR CAMERA AWAY YOU TOURIST OF LIFE!
I go to the gym more times per week than I Google image search myself.
Let's face it: if you were flipping through channels, and saw a guy throwing money to a crowd, would you stop to watch? Of course!
I like a wine with such complex structure that it violates zoning laws.
You have to admit, "Public Storage" is a much better name than their original one, "Things-Didn't-Work-Out Shameboxes."
The finger-pointing game is a fun one to play, but it’s a little like drugs – you have to keep taking bigger and bigger doses in order to get the same high.
It's as if all of the American public's bad habits and perverse obsessions are all coming back to haunt Republican voters in this race: The lack of attention span, the constant demand for instant gratification, the abject hunger for negativity, the utter lack of backbone or constancy.
The point of the Tea Party is to scare liberals into voting for corporate democrats.
Remember you are just an extra in everyone else’s play.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
The Tea Party is basically a rally for banker occupation.
Is the basis of a strong economy to not make anything?
If you put human beings into a desert with no walls, the first thing they do is create walls.
If you want to be miserable, alone, and make lots of money, then the United States is the place for you.
A good deal of modern American culture is an extended experiment in the effects of depriving people of what they crave most.
Rural America is a cultural wasteland of towns that aren't making it in a devastated landscape tyrannized by corporate life and chain retail.
Keep a tight watch on that indicator we’ve never heard of that tracks deliveries by canoe to some island and apparently has its own index.
We get it, Apple is a good company and makes good products. Not only that, you’re going to just present the “facts” to us in an “unbiased” way so that we can decide for ourselves that Apple invented the wheel and democracy and capitalism and electricity and has 21489045 patents on that one thing that somebody else just made.
The reality out there in "flyover" land is an audience of diabetic fat men in clownish loungewear slouched on sofas in foreclosed houses enjoying lard-laden foodstuffs between beers.
Art is anything you can get away with.
In America, you have two choices. Hide the fact that you're poor. Or, hide the fact that you're happy.
Politicians are just figureheads who sell policies that make a bad situation worse as expensively as possible.
It doesn't have to be right if it feels right.
Driving faster means I am on the road for a shorter time. That means I am burning fuel for a shorter time and polluting less.
The idea that all human needs must be sacrificed because of the marketplace defies 3,000 years of economic history and human nature. It's a utopian ideology that's now exposed as a lie.
Humanity went through a long period where they made various noises and danced around. That was all fine, but the revolutionary moment was when we invented a writing system. So, now, we're going back to where the writing component is there, but it's being overtaken by various noises and dancing around types of behavior. But is it more important really?
The contamination must be eliminated. Not only perl users, but everyone who even knows what it is must be rooted out and cleansed in fire.
Self-indulgence is king. Conceptual mind-fuckery is the queen. Smash the state is the workers. Back to self-indulgence which is the laborers. And then we believe in the power of a mythical gem that emanated from a dark cloud in the sky. Then God queefed her light through it, and that refraction formed a dragon, a cougar and a sea beast. They together fucked out a script and we printed it up and shot it. That's the main belief... The whole kingdom. And then there's Jesus.
We just wandered around for the last few years in a haze punching ourselves in the yogurts and singing songs to raise money. I had a keyboard. Vernon had a rack of ribs.
The luckless pair of them achieved American citizenship by reason of birth and stand ready to sell out this nation’s principles of decency and decorum the instant the money is right.
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.
Eloquence is logic on fire.
If your team is so smart, why do they still work here?
If your colleagues were any good at thinking outside-of-the-box they would have thought of a way of escaping their cubicle box.
Shutting down Megaupload because of illegal movies and music is like shutting down New York because of illegal guns and drugs.
Americans need to be defended from each other at all times. They pose a greater danger to each other than most other nations do to them.
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
Schizophrenia beats being alone
Found a beetle in my bathroom that was just about to fall into a heating vent. Swiped him up. Tailored him a little backpack out of a leaf and a thread. In the backpack: a skittle and a AAA battery. That should last him. Set him loose out by the front gate.
I'm moving all of my personal web applications to Web three dot oh which will leverage the awesome power of the gopher protocol to serve-up space weather predictions, tidal forecasts, herpderpedia tweets and /usr/bin/fortune quotes to the good townspeople.
I think they've always gone on. I've gotten some irate letters from oldsters saying 'We did this in the 1930s. You didn't invent anything.' And I'm like, 'Gramps, you should have put a name on it and sold it, because that’s all I did.'
Going to spring break at Ft. Lauderdale, getting drunk and flashing your breasts isn't an act of personal empowerment. It's you, so fashioned and programmed by the construct of a patriarchal society that you no longer know what's best for yourself. A damsel too dumb to know she is even in distress.
Why have I sold out? You think I'm supposed to grow old, beating some trite old protest drum that people don't hear anymore? Please; protest is now just a backdrop for a Diesel clothing ad in a slick fashion magazine. My goal is to create a metaphor that changes our reality by charming people into considering their world in a different way. It's time — for me, at least — to be clever and seduce people by entertaining them. I'll never be heard if I'm always ranting and griping.
If you haven’t already noticed, all my books are about a lonely person looking for some way to connect with other people. In a way, that is the opposite of the American Dream: to get so rich you can rise above the rabble, all those people on the freeway or, worse, the bus.
Blacking out is just your brain clearing it's browser history.
BREAKING: GOP votes to define marriage as exclusively between a male corporation and female corporation!
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?
The banking industry attracts pea-brained, overrated, managerial nincompoops.
What voices will resolve out of the phenomenal noise of gadget America, with its deafening tweets, incessant advertising, instant messaging, idiotic robo-calling, and ever-present flat-screen assault on the senses?
We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
The majority of over-medicated, lethargic, uninterested, ignorant Americans yawned at this selfless display of courage and civil disobedience as they chose to occupy lines for hours to get the latest iPad or $3 waffle-maker at Wal-Mart.
I secretly think reality exists so we can speculate about it.
Psychoanalysis is no more than an interesting fictionalization of the way our minds work.
Electioneering in the US is steadily expanding to fill more and more time and space even as it provides worse and worse results with each election cycle. The Congress is made of some of the least popular people on earth, who are manifestly incapable of achieving anything useful.
Wondering what might be different if Ron Paul got elected is like wondering what might be different if the moon were made of a different kind of cheese—your favorite kind, of course.
The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
It is impossible to bridge the divide between a literate, marginalized minority and those who have been consumed by an illiterate mass culture.
This presidential race now feels like a banal bureaucratic sideshow to the real event – a looming confrontation between huge masses of disaffected citizens on both sides of the aisle, and a corrupt and increasingly ideologically bankrupt political establishment, represented in large part by the two parties dominating this race.
[America is] a nation of thieves, racketeers, reality TV sluts, wannabe road warriors, light-fingered gangsta-boyz, and crybabies living in an anomie-drenched decrepitating demolition derby landscape of failure.
You do a commerical, you're off the artistic roll call forever. You're just another corporate shill, a whore at the capitalist gangbang.
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
In television, people had at their fingertips a magical box with an unprecedented power to inform and illuminate; but it had fallen into the hands of accountants, demographics analysts, and marketing experts whose intent was to deceive - for money alone.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Thinking your politician cares about you is like thinking your rapist loves you.
We need something in our society that says there's some importance to heart and authenticity, not just money, power and how are we going to control the world.
The right's attack blogs are really a very efficient chain of routers, repeaters essentially, multiplying punditry about punditry.
What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die?
Has sensational journalism gone too far? Find out at eleven!
The future ain't what it used to be.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life if I die next Tuesday.
"Are you an alcoholic?"
"Well, I only drink when I work, but I'm a workaholic."
"Well, I only drink when I work, but I'm a workaholic."
What this country needs is another genial front man uttering platitudes and making a bad situation worse.
Newt is a needy, high-maintenance friend and ally who views himself as the leader of a vast interplanetary movement.
Again, under this new regime, painfully familiar to skilled workers in every industry since the dawn of industrial capitalism, educators confront the harsh realities of commodity production: speed-up, routinization of work, greater work discipline and managerial supervision, reduced autonomy, job insecurity, employer appropriation of the fruits of their labor, and, above all, the insistent managerial pressures to reduce labor costs in order to turn a profit. Thus, the commoditization of instruction leads invariably to the "proletarianization" or, more politely, the "deprofessionalization" of the professoriate.
Customers become marks to be exploited, employees become disposable cogs, and relationships become only a means to the end of winning a zero-sum game.
It ain't what you know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
To be found ethically wanting by the lower house of Congress is like winning the Oscar for Best Sinner.
I see the world as it is. Everyone else is deluded in some strange way.
Either Facebook sucks, or my friends suck.
We are tired of being told we're autistic idiots who need to be manipulated to work in a Forced Pair Programming chain gang without any time to be creative because none of the 10 managers on the project can do... Programming, Motherfucker.
The ten commandments are the hysterical believings of a group of desert tribes who stored-up more misery for mankind than any other group of people in the history of the planet!
We live in a class-dominated society where the one thing you can't talk about is class domination.
You mean to tell me that the success of the economic program and my re-election hinges on the Federal Reserve and a bunch of fucking bond traders?
I don't try to describe the future. I try to prevent it.
David Gregory interviewing Michelle Bachmann is like a tin of freeze dried coffee trying to program your VCR.
Managerialism isn't about changing the world. It's about retreating into bureaucracy.
But what the hell, let’s not get picky about it. Sherlock 2 is still set in fake-doomy Victorian Era London, still features Downey/Holmes and Law/Watson in love, still has wall-to-wall shooting and noisy fisticuffs. It still stops you from thinking for two hours plus. These days I don’t mind paying ten bucks for that.
They are playing a game. They are playing at not playing a game. If I show them I see they are, I shall break the rules and they will punish me. I must play their game, of not seeing I see the game.
Everyone has a right to be stupid, but Comrade Macdonald abuses the privilege.
The level of alienation in developed industrial societies, in Europe, North America and elsewhere, is quite staggering. By a certain age people become set in their ways, develop manners specific to their class, and their interactions with others become scripted and limited to socially sanctioned, commercial interactions.
Surviving in the countryside requires a different mindset, and different set of skills than surviving in a town or a city. Certainly, most of our contemporaries, who spend their days manipulating symbols, and expect to be fed for doing so, would not survive when left to their own devices in the countryside.
The four walls of paper are like a prison because every idea wants to spring out in all directions - everything is connected with everything else, sometimes more than others.
Sorry, I just can't get excited about DNS servers, IP numbers and all that weird, broken-calculator-lookin' bullshit.
Why is it that the people who actually know something are too pessimistic and cynical to actually do anything?
Governments, businesses, and societies ballooned in complexity, creating niches for entire ecosystems of office fauna to do tasks the presidents and tycoons of the nineteenth century had accomplished with a tiny fraction of the personnel.
On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.
Most people live in a myth and grow violently angry if anyone dares to tell them the truth about themselves.
Every border in Europe is an arbitrary line created when two groups of bandits got tired of fighting and decided to give it a rest for a while.
You know, sometimes I need a reminder that the world isn't actually the giant shithole I've built it up to be in my mind.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake-up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
He looks like an idiot and he acts like an idiot, but this shouldn't fool you, he is an idiot.
Finally, a guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
Pushing neoliberal, market-opening reforms on countries like Argentina in the 1990s was as unwise as giving a supply of gasoline to pyromaniacs.
Sometimes (actually, often) it feels like I’m in one of those nightmares where you’re shouting, but nobody can hear you. And you wouldn’t really expect that to happen when you’re doing your shouting from a pretty prominent platform.
The SEC and the FSA should require that all banks change the word "profit" to "stole" so we understand what's going on more clearly. But, they won't because they work for the banks.
When you're on the Internet you can be anywhere, but really, you're nowhere.
Europe is now the world biggest insolvent hedge fund that frontruns the rumors it itself spreads.
In the ancient world, all revolutionary movements had a single program: 'Cancel the debts and redistribute the land'.
This is what a functioning market does when you have spent beyond your means or you’re not as rich as you thought you were. You produce things that get to be consumed by other people. You don’t shutter factories and send your workers home to eat Cheetos and watch the Real Housewives.
Calling the modern banking system a house of cards does a disservice to cards. Cards at least have some value. You can play strip poker with them!
When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.
Even an egomaniacal two-year-old will grudgingly admit that there are no more cookies in the jar once he as eaten them all. This is far better than adult bankers who decided to make up imaginary “cookies” to dispense from that same jar.
The fetishism of commodities has been supplemented by another just as important fetishism, that of bureaucratic skills… the realm of managerial expertise is one in which what purport to be objectively grounded claims function in fact an expression of arbitrary, but disguised, will and preference.
The modern American is culturally conditioned to think of nature as nothing more than matter-in-motion, as a standing reserve that through technological and entrepreneurial prowess is converted into a consumer’s cornucopia.
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws.
I fell asleep at 'iPhone has 10% battery o'clock' last night.
Armaments, universal debt and planned obsolescence -- those are the three pillars of Western prosperity. If war, waste and moneylenders were abolished, you'd collapse. And while you people are overconsuming the rest of the world sinks more and more deeply into chronic disaster. Ignorance, militarism and breeding, these three -- and the greatest of these is breeding. No hope, not the slightest possibility, of solving the economic problem until that's under control.
At least Prince Phillip exists. Some of these people worship Gods and who knows where they are?
To me, it looks more or less like the hardware designers have run out of ideas, and that they’re trying to pass the blame for the future demise of Moore’s Law to the software writers by giving us machines that work faster only on a few key benchmarks.
If your ultimate value system is simply to expand, then you have no value system.
A government controlled by wealth, a ruling-class numb to the repetitions of political scandal, a public diverted by chariot races and gladiatorial shows.
Rulers in Babylon, Assyria, and Egypt learned that the alternative to a debt jubilee was rioting and chaos.
When a civilization finally hollows itself out, there is nothing much left for it to do except...get off on the cruelty you can visit on the powerless.
We retain the rhetoric of liberal democracy, but in concrete terms this supposed democracy gets enacted as the commodity culture, in which freedom of choice really means Wendy’s versus Burger King.
We don't have leaders. We only have politicians.
He thought that we were doing a prank, which we were, but then we turned it into a show. So really the prank is on us. We prank ourselves to the bank.
So did your child start with the name? Did you inject a name into your wife and get her pregnant? Did you and your wife go out and get drunk one night, get into the back of a truck and put a name inside of her? No.
We consider all people the opposite sex from us.
Microeconomists are wrong about specific things. Macroeconomists are wrong about things in general.
What makes it such a great idea for most people to pay more for bailing out banks than they have in deposits at those same banks?
No one gets angry at a mathematician or a physicist whom he or she doesn't understand, or at someone who speaks a foreign language, but rather at someone who tampers with your own language.
There are a lot of people I dislike in the world. I mean, a lot. I don’t follow any of them on Twitter.
People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.
We have an economy where we steal from the future, sell it in the present, and call it GDP.
I'd probably err on the side of safety and just not fish in the lake by the nuclear power plant. Bathe, sure, but I've always wanting a glowing peen that could guide me to the bathroom at night without having to turn on any lights. *methodically waving wiener down hallway like a movie usher*.
And remember, where you have the concentration of power in a few hands, all too frequently men with the mentality of gangsters get control. History has proven that.
Bankers in the US are the most highly paid public officials in the world who got there by failing at their jobs.
Apple's model works, but only if you have Steve Jobs.
Microsoft's model works, but only if you want to make crappy products.
A lazy, self-absorbed populace is now an indifferent, unknowing citizenry.
The illusion of skill is not only an individual aberration; it is deeply ingrained in the culture of the financial industry. Facts that challenge such basic assumptions — and thereby threaten people’s livelihood and self-esteem — are simply not absorbed. The mind does not digest them. This is particularly true of statistical studies of performance, which provide general facts that people will ignore if they conflict with their personal experience.
Well, let's have a gold standard. That's an awesome idea! I like to call this "chickens volunteering to for the pot." You want to know what a gold standard looks like? Look no further than Greece just now. The deflation to adjust to the external balance that a gold standard demands is exactly what it looks like. So, if you want to vote yourself into a culture of permanent austerity, why not go with a gold standard? All of this stuff is little more than misinformed, borderline malevolent misinformation designed to distract rather than inform.
I am incredibly nervous about putative intellectuals of any political stripe coming up with grand designs and saying "Here it is! Here's the master blueprint!" Whenever I see someone offering the master blueprint, I run the other direction.
Let's privatize money! We tried that in America from 1830 to 1870. It was an utter disaster! It took us several wars to bring us into a currency union. You had to rediscount bills from Virginia to use them in New York. Is that what we want to go back to?
People are borrowing against their own uncertain future to finance an ever more expensive present.
70% of the US economy is trigger-happy, drug-addled consumaholics addicted to their credit cards.
What's up brotesters? Mind if we chillax with you in HD? Because the aspect-ratio on the shot is going to be BAD ASS!
There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.
As long as debt grows faster than the economy you are in fact engaged in a pyramid scheme that must, mathematically, fail.
Just take any book with history in it and then skim through it to see what decisions in the past turned out to be bad and once you've pin-pointed them, simply don't make those decisions again. Because if a bad thing happened again that would be very bad indeed.
When all you have in the country is people pulling coffees, flipping burgers and manufacturing financial scams, your nation is doomed.
One of the standard myths of our culture is that we don't have any myths.
The proletariat class has always been the class that produces the world and is alienated from it.
I am the most important phenomenon in the cosmos!
You need to examine where ya stand before you put something in the air.
Let, me fill you in on something right off the tip of my toungue here and that's that I'm Bernard Fuddle and I've been on the water for forty-seven years! I've been on schooners.
When I say your dumb name, please stand-up briefly but then quickly drop to your knees and forsake all others before me.
Some would say the Earth is our moon, but that would belittle the name of our moon which is The Moon.
The Road to Serfdom is not government sponsorship of economic progress and rising living standards, it’s the dismantling of government, the dissolution of regulatory agencies, to create a new feudal-type elite.
For the industrial masses their work has no human meaning in itself and offers no satisfying interest. They save their living for their leisure but don't know how to use it, except in the bingo hall, filling pools forms, spending money, and eating fish and chips in Spain. Nothing but emptiness that has to be filled with drink, sex, eating, background music, and what the papers and the telly supply.
Nobody ever left a fistfight to see the band.
If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OK! That's how hurricanes trick you into going outside.
Thou shalt create money for those who make more of it.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
They will invade the Marina en masse at 11:30, like Visigoth marauders, storming Circa, puking in the streets, driving their cars into curbs, minds whirring like that of a Labrador Retriever in a field of bouncing tennis balls. They'll shut that sh*t down.
Politics becomes a template for your fury.
I don't talk to a lot of people because they either depress me or they want something.
You’ll get more hits on YouTube for a show where someone throws a bottle at your head.
Just like the ancient Romans, we cling to magical thinking, as if a glorious past will magically repeat itself without any effort or sacrifice on our part; rather than confidence about the future, our primary emotion is fear, and our primary defense is denial.
Crazy is the new sensible and we will not lose the war of bad ideas!
Podcasting is like blogging with sound!
Isn't vajazzling a type of ornamentation on a grand stately home?
There is nothing more natural than to consider everything as starting from oneself, chosen as the center of the world; one finds oneself thus capable of condemning the world without even wanting to hear its deceitful chatter.
In societies where modern conditions of production prevail, all of life presents itself as an immense accumulation of spectacles. Everything that was directly lived has moved away into a representation.
Tourism, human circulation considered as consumption is fundamentally nothing more than the leisure of going to see what has become banal.
San Francisco is a pimp, and you are its whore.
A Clif bar is like a Snickers bar inside of the collapsed heart of a star.
Public schools in America do a miserably poor job of teaching anything but contempt for learning.
You're so old that you think Werther's Originals are infantile.
Evey: Is everything a joke to you?
Gordon: Only the things that matter.
Gordon: Only the things that matter.
Young people everywhere have been allowed to choose between love and a garbage disposal unit. Everywhere they have chosen the garbage disposal unit.
When it is claimed that HFT adds liquidity this is like saying "the more we trade the more we trade".
We simply need to do more of what isn't working, and then it will magically start working.
What's the difference between emo and goth?
One is a flightless bird, and the other is a marauding killer.
One is a flightless bird, and the other is a marauding killer.
Behind the present rose-tinted façade, the only limitless resources are paper money and propaganda.
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
FACT: After the crowd erupted into uproarious applause following Transformers 3, I shed a tear for humanity.
The War on Terror gets fully funded. The War on Drugs continues its negative return on investment. Throw another non-voting non-believer on the fire and stoke this motherfucker to hell. We’re riding this 14 trillion dollar goat cart straight to the bone yard.
I've been holding off from going viral. I didn't want to. But, now that you suggested it, I think I'm going to do it now.
You go into massive debt for college so you can work at a bank swapping imaginary paper to steal assets and claim you're doing God's work.
The weakness of all Utopias is this, that they take the greatest difficulty of man and assume it to be overcome, and then give an elaborate account of the overcoming of the smaller ones.
We all enter America shoeless with proper supplication to the fatherland.
The tough part about playing chess with old men in the park is finding thirty-two of them.
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters, perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
TV screens at the gas pump. Thank god!
The Tea Party is an explosive mix of radical individualism and extreme cluelessness. These are people who believe in Social Darwinism but don't believe in Darwin.
Here's how the political spectrum breaks down. The left wing: spineless. The right wing: heartless. The center: clueless . You're so clueless you don't even know what apathetic means. Your so apathetic that you won't even look it up.
Morals are taught and preached not for the sake of heaven, but to assist those people on earth who have everything they need and more to retain their possessions and to help them to accumulate still more. Morals is the butter for those who have no bread.
Nothing is true, everything is permitted.
Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity are the grand priests of the new inquisition.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
Your edutainmentucation is lacking!
Speaking about the integrity of journalists is like speaking about the flight capacity of snails.
I guess it was kind of like Stockholm syndrome. We identified with the bird; the tortured one. And we identified with our torturers. Any job, I guess you get Stockholm syndrome. I guess that’s the definition of a job—it is mental torture.
On rare occasions he showed flashes of stagnant intelligence. But his brain was so rotted with drink and dissolute living that whenever he put it to work it behaved like an old engine that had gone haywire from being dipped in lard.
Only America could have created this scientifically orchestrated consumption-based hell that calls itself paradise.
Optimism is a weapon used by elites to reassure people they should be content with peonage.
Socialism is bad! Debt is wealth!
Anyone who believes in indefinite growth on a physically finite planet is either mad or an economist.
Higher-education has become a government-based tuition debt racket which has now reached such a degree of awkwardness for the people who come out of it that it won't continue for much longer.
Everyone is seeking to be like everyone else whilst at the same time pretending to be wild individuals.
The truly extraordinary is not permitted in science and industry. Perhaps you’ll find more luck in your field. Where people are happy to be mystified.
You worry too much about things that we don't know that we don't know.
The right-wing evidently seeks to repeal the basic laws of math and economics.
We don't have capitalism now. We have a bankruptocracy. The greater the failure of a bank in 2008, the greater its power today.
We're living in a frozen moment of the spectacle where the biggest thing that changes is how we go about staying the same.
I'm too short to be a Randian hero. They're all tall, thin and have neatly pressed suits. I kept thinking that Ayn Rand is the Freddie Green of writing.
Please stop referring to yourselves as consumers. "Consumers" are different than citizens. Consumers do not have obligations, responsibilities, and duties to their fellow human beings. And as long as you are using that word “consumer,” you will be degrading the quality of the public discussion as we go into the very difficult future that we face.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Only two things happen at 2:30-in-the-morning: sex and murders. But, really, it's just one thing... Mistakes.
Like frenzied rats in a cage, Keynesians only have one lever to push to release the cocaine-laced debt pellets, and they've been pushing it for 40 years. Now they're hitting the bar with frantic energy, hoping the crazed and addled rats around them can dredge up some "demand" for more pellets to "consume." But the consumer-rats are bloated and lethargic; they've consumed so much debt-drug that they're near death.
The purpose is to deliver profits to shareholders, and the corporation buys a facsimile of loyalty and presents a façade of purpose to keep the work environment from becoming overtly depressing to the human spirit. The reason they must play this game is the profits, of course; dispirited workers aren’t very productive.
It’s gonna be the very first IMAX flipbook. So you’re going to go to your IMAX theater and it’s 30 stories tall and it just literally flips down about 1.8 billion frames.
Yeah, our talent is like a yogurt. But we have to spread that yogurt with our left hand to dumb it down for the regulars…like yourself.
An expert is a person who articulates the needs of power.
The laws of economics don't trump the laws of physics. Put five-hundred economists on an island with no food, no water and each with a briefcase containing a million dollars. They've got a demand for food and water. Let's see the supply show up.
The US has been kiting checks on a massive scale since the 1980's.
We went to school to learn your guttural grunts. We take about a three-hour shower. And we scrub so hard that by the time we’re done, there’s more blood than water. Which is the cleanest thing of all in the body. Blood.
You have to be half-Republican to be a Democrat.
The financial sector needs a political grab to replace democracy with financial technocrats. Their job is to pretend that there is no revolution at all, merely an increase in “efficiency,” “creating wealth” by debt-leveraging the economy to the point where the entire surplus is paid out as interest to the financial managers who are emerging as Western civilization’s new central planners.
We live in a nation where doctors destroy health. Lawyers destroy justice. Universities destroy knowledge. The press destroys information. And, banks destroy our economy.
The centrally planned economy has failed to respond as expected, and so the response is to put more cocaine-laced pellets in the feedbox and encourage the poor starved rat inside the cage to press the bar labeled "debt" to get another pellet of addiction and highly profitable enslavement.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Money has become a world unto itself now, a self-referential hall-of-mirrors that only sees itself and is increasingly confused by what it sees in that self.
Started a new job which led me to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to pound my round peg in to the business world’s square hole.
Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole lifestyle a crime-in-progress is not a happy prospect.
America is a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
We know that the idea of market stability has failed. But we cannot imagine any alternative. The original promise of the Californian ideology was that the computers would liberate us from the old forms of political control and we would become Randian heroes in control of our destiny. Instead, today, we feel the opposite. That we are helpless components in a global system. A system that is controlled by rigid logic. That we are powerless to challenge or to change.
It is fashionable to suggest that cyberspace is some island of the blessed where people are free to indulge and express their individuality. This is not true. I have seen many people spill out their emotions – their guts – online and i did so myself until i began to see that I had commodified myself. Commodification means that you turn something into a product which has a money value. In the 19th century commodities were made in factories by workers who were mostly exploited, but I created my interior thoughts as commodities for the corporations who owned the board I was posting to like Compuserv or AOL, and that commodity was then sold on to other consumer entities as entertainment. Cyberspace is a black hole. It absorbs energy and personality and then represents it as an emotional spectacle. It is is done by businesses that commodify human interaction and emotion, and we are getting lost in the spectacle.
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
The Internet may be our most ruthless engine for converting good time into bad punditry. I mean—excluding cable news and grad schools.
You know who else changed his website without consulting you? Hitler. Maybe just really think about that for a minute. Wait. What now?
Information spreads at the speed of light but ignorance is instantaneous at all points throughout the known universe.
How is Sarah Palin qualified to be anything else except a soccer mom who I save JPEGs of in case Redtube goes down?
The once great nation of America is now a goat rodeo where the electorate is both confused and ignorant, yet stubbornly believes itself otherwise. Adroitly ruled by corporate and banking elites whose deadly threat remains unrecognized… America today is bereft of leadership and options, a shadow of the nation intended by its founders.
Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.
In life you have to do a lot of things you don't fucking want to do. Many times, that's what the fuck life is... one vile fucking task after another.
The control of information is something the elite always does, particularly in a despotic form of government. Information, knowledge, is power. If you can control information, you can control people.
The good guys at the IMF put their foot on your neck and demand all your money. The bad guys just shoot you.
We're kicking the State, and the State is what will protect you. We're kicking away the foundation of the building as the hurricane is approaching.
Banal cliches are the new normal.
There is a huge segment of the Interwebs devoted to helping you find your passion, and a whole lot of blogs about blogging. This also folds nicely into the Internet entrepreneurs who write exclusively about becoming Internet entrepreneurs. I can’t ever figure out what they did besides quit their crappy jobs in order to write about how to quit your crappy job. Awesome.
I don't have time to read "Atlas Shrugged", I'm too busy making money.
I feel guilty about all the trees used to make my books. Did I have that much to say? Not really.
Women as well as men, everyone watching this film will feel the dissolution of all their certainties, all their illusory grasp on the world... but after you fall into a brazen despair that the walls of reality have become toxic ice cream of a million flavors, you will gasp with a greater realization: that once the world is reduced, forever, to a kaleidoscope of whirling shapes, you are totally free.
No government in history has ever wasted as much money on the scale as the financial system in the United States.
I'm ombibulous. I drink every known alcoholic drink and enjoy them all.
The whole country is full of propagandists who are bothering everybody all the time!
Ivy League graduates are specially trained to be stupid so they don't see that the US empire is collapsing.
A whiner or a cynic is about the worst thing you can be here in the land of gunpoint optimism.
The mood of Generation Y is violent complacency.
The U.S. won a global war (World War II) in less than four years, yet now we are pleased to borrow and and squander an extra $1 trillion a year just to keep our fragile state of suspended animation from being disrupted by unpleasant reality.
You ride this wreck until the wheels come off and think of what to do next when you're sitting in the drainage ditch by the side of the road.
What we're having is a conversation in the media that is impoverishing the whole American notion of reality.
Every place in America is Hackensack now with different topography.
Sociology is supposed to be written in drab, repetitive, half-literate, numbingly narcotic prose that would make an anvil beg for mercy.
The problem with banking systems and dictatorships is constrained volatility. You mistake stability for permanence.
No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.
They could easily update E Pluribus Unum by replacing it with Duh…Winning and it would fit modern America just right, I think.
The factory that made Tums mints in St. Louis was kitty-corner from the world’s biggest, Barton-Finkiest hotel with half-mile-long hallways, and it also sold Red Skelton clown paintings in the lobby.
Lose all your troubles, kick up some sand
And follow me, buddy, to the Promised Land.
I'm here to tell you, and I wouldn't lie,
You'll wear ten-dollar shoes and eat rainbow pie.
And follow me, buddy, to the Promised Land.
I'm here to tell you, and I wouldn't lie,
You'll wear ten-dollar shoes and eat rainbow pie.
Refusing to give up and retreat into the slogans of a mindless activism can be useful.
The wildfires are spreading. The meek are scattering.
The scoreboard doesn’t lie. Never has.
I may forget about them tomorrow, but they’ll live with that memory for the rest of their lives. And that’s a gift.
This contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power.
Faith is for winners. Hope is for losers.
My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math.
We are plowing money into housing so people can sell drywall boxes to one another and pretend that this is the key to a vibrant economy.
I play real sports, I'm not trying to be the best at exercising!
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
You've gotta take care of yourselves, gamers! You know, take a break every couple hours, do the Dew, and pound some Cheetos. Shit, you could even pound some Pringles if you wanted but personally I think they taste like ass and no, I'm not taking that back. I popped and stopped, that's all there is to it. DAMMIT I SAID IT'S NOT OPEN FOR DEBATE!
America is a second world nation with a thin layer of plastic and marketing over everything.
You build prisons and fill them with people for selling dime bags and stealing CD players. But for stealing a billion dollars? For fraud that puts a million people into foreclosure? Pass. It's not a crime.
Food, clothing and shelter — these are the basic needs. Beyond that, if you want anything, it is the beginning of self-deception.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!
The Twittersphere was like a nightmare satellite vision of the planet’s psychological atmosphere, nearly opaque with a dense, low-orbiting band of nauseating narcissisms. Why oh fucking why would you voluntarily stick yet another IV needle into your brain carrying yet another drip of distraction?
Mornings are the worst. The mind seems undefended, easy prey for both memories and imagination. What happened. What should've happened. What might happen someday. Your fault, my fault, no one's fault. The only way to relieve the torment is to get up, empty the bladder, drink the coffee, read the paper, run the treadmill, perform the animal sacrifice, paint the chicken blood on the groin and call upon the demonic spirits to bring you back.
Nights are bad too. Once again, exhaustion makes the mind vulnerable to obsessing over woulda, shoulda, coulda. The only thing to do is sit alone and eat the chicken which was senselessly murdered in the morning.
Nights are bad too. Once again, exhaustion makes the mind vulnerable to obsessing over woulda, shoulda, coulda. The only thing to do is sit alone and eat the chicken which was senselessly murdered in the morning.
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
CNBC’s 24 hour a day global propaganda machine to support the government’s Permanent Open Market Activity (POMA); buying and selling naked securities to manipulate their prices in order to support a kleptocratic regime propagating a market fundamentalist ideology of non-accountability, ecological and financial terror as well as permanent dissolution of America’s middle class – is OK. But pointing out the obvious – that the whole US muni market is a house of cards within a house of cards within a ponzi scheme on top of High Frequency Trading Fraud by Goldman and blatant market rigging of the Comex by JP Morgan is not.
The one thing we learn from history is that nobody learns anything from history.
To try to describe the life of Brian Eno is like trying to fold a skyscraper into a suitcase.
I lost a decade to cheap whiskey. Thankfully, it was the 1980's.
History will say that the right honorable gentleman was wrong in this matter. I know it will, because I shall write the history.
A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.
Jim choked on a chicken bone and coughed up an inverted four-sided omni-spinning pyramidic Gem. It is from this Gem that our powers derive and it is within this gem that our power resides.
So forget about unemployment, forget about home prices, and forget about everything you never learned in your economic classes because you were too busy trying to understand crucial concepts like Giffen goods and positive externalities, and just lever up on those double long S&P ETFs because the market has nowhere to go but up (and yes, that was sarcasm).
Here's the way we come up with song ideas: The way we come up with song ideas as follows (clears throat). We lay some parchment on the floor and let our truth drip onto it. These "truth drippings" often form a pattern, and as we've learned a pattern can be a message. We feed it into our computer (refrigerator) and the four of us stand idly by as more and more truths seep out in a slurry and flow, like blood sluices down the streets of Nicaragua. "Explosion Robinson" is a boarded up store on our block in Brooklyn, NY.
Our show consists of the sonic washing of one another, and then the ritual inspections for cleanliness begin. I tell you by the time the inspections are over, the audience has worn well through their second set of pants.
Facebook is worth $45 billion but that’s a bargain because it will easily be worth $200 billion by 2015, and by 2020 could be the first company with a $1 zillion maket value, so buy-buy-buy, everybody!
I look at Facebook and I feel the way I imagine I.M. Pei must feel when he looks at some giant public housing project. You just sit there going, Why? Why do this? Why make it so ugly when for just a tiny bit more effort you could make it, if not beautiful, at least not horrific?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Once I'm a success, all this depressing shit will just be a little footnote in the massive blog of how rich and fucked up I eventually became.
It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.
We feel free because we lack the very language to articulate our unfreedom.
And so our world was left revolving in a cold dark universe. And we are all alone. Not as alone as a cat in a bin. But alone.
The Fairy Jobmother gets feckless, unemployable people out of the benefits trap onto the meaningless, wage slave treadmill.
Today came dangerously close to bad news being misconstrued as bad news. terrorist win averted.
Our problems come from the fact that we are a Star Wars civilization. When you think about Star Wars, those movies reflect what we are: people blowing up whole planets. We have Paleolithic emotions, Stone Age emotions -- we’ve inherited those nice and pure. We have medieval institutions. And we have godlike technology. Put those three together and you have a very dangerous mix. So, somehow I think we ought to develop a new kind of self-understanding, self-reflection, and self-imaging. Then we might be able to actually get somewhere together.
So, I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it, but I couldn't find honest employment.
In TLCIA circa 2010, obscene "compensation packages" are defended as "free enterprise." Well, what did we have in 1973? Unfree enterprise? Amidst all the ideologically convenient defenses of heavily skewed "compensation," we have to admit that the dream of affluence combined with leisure was based on the presumption of society's wealth being distributed somewhat evenly, not by a Communist central state but by the "free enterprise" system and modest common-sense government regulation (limited work hours, overtime, minimum wage, etc.) which protected employees from the excessive exploitation of the late 19th century and early 20th century Monopoly Capitalists.
It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
When we watch videos like the most recent one showing hundreds of people trampling and drooling over each other like mindless drones to get $25 off an IPAD at Wal-Mart the reaction of thinking people the world over is sheer terror. It makes you want to move to another planet where you never have to interact with such frightening stupidity that can easily be manipulated into something far worse once their “goodies” are inevitably taken away from them.
World music. If it’s played loud enough at work or at a dinner party, people are almost guaranteed to say, “Who is this?” To which the white person can say, “You know, when I was in Bolivia, I really got into this flute music. I got this CD from a group of musicians on the streets of La Paz.”
A CDO is just a fictional nonsensical piece of paper cooked-up by quants on crack who live in a dorm room next to Wall Street while they're stealing old ladies' pension money. A CDO squared is just that. Fraud squared. It's exponentially more fraud to cover-up fraud. They're cloning fraud!
I ordered this. When it arrives, I'll place it at the door to your office along with fruits, nuts, the sweetmeats of a wild boar and small clay figurines made by the peoples of my village.
Show me where Trotsky is buried, and I'll show you a communist plot.
The fact that bromance made the OED this year is in itself cockposterous.
If continued long enough it would involve transforming a nation of creative producers into a community of rentiers increasingly living on others, seeking gratification in ever more useless consumption, with all the debilitating effects of the bread and circuses of Imperial Rome.
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
Our culture’s obsession with a Utopian future has turned Darwin’s simple and elegant insight into a shuttlecock batted back and forth by a flurry of ineptly handled intellectual rackets.
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Maybe instead of a campaign, all our politics can be on Dancing with the Stars, and it can be all about how well they dance.
To not give a fuck this much. Is to be one man picked out of ten thousand.
The results (of the M spec motor) are as dramatic as putting a furious weasel in your underpants. This car would be less annoying to ecomentalists if it ran on sliced dolphin.
A day will arrive when America's sages and high priests of finance, together with their wealthy clients, will suddenly turn out to be, for all to see, what they have been all along: clueless incompetents unsuitable for any task that is worth doing.
A population that is in thrall to arbitrary numbers written on bits of paper is what makes it possible for the financial incompetents to remain undetected, practicing their sort of low-grade magic.
The dominant rhetoric is academese relieved by flashes of cliché.
The Tea Party is Wall Street's bitch just like all of Washington is Wall Street's bitch.
There are really two Americas, one for the grifter class and one for everyone else. In everyone-else land, the world of small businesses and wage-earning employees, government is something to be avoided. In the grifter world, however, government is a slavish lapdog that major financial players use as a tool for making money.
A loose definition of the Tea Party is fifteen-million pissed off white people sent chasing after Mexicans on Medicaid by a small handful of banks and investment companies.
Money McBags is sure nothing will come out of this, like a euthanized penis, but he fully expects the end of the G20 to feature many hand shakes, smiles, and pats on the back because hey, free weekend vacation.
Seriously a man hit a fucking golf ball on the Moon, if we can do that, we can get people producing shit again, it shouldn’t be this hard (and yes, that is what she said). Rant over.
Neoliberalism, a close cousin of Marxism: an idealistic ideology with "true believers" that delivers a system which enriches and empowers an Elite at the expense of the masses.
In today’s rat race, childhood has been turned into a competitive sequence of preparatory courses. Something is lost: happiness. Instead of playing basketball, kids are made to memorize geography. Today’s children can’t find their way from the park to their home, but they know where Pago Pago is and could tell your the length in kilometers of the Great Barrier Reef. Everyone knows we don’t go by kilometers.
Instead of the party who can’t get us out of this mess having all of the power, they can now share part of it with the party who got us in to this mess as the clusterfuck of bad ideas and incompetence will continue. So Rally fucking on.
The Fed is going down this Quantitative Easing path will take one or two trillion dollars more of mortgage-backed securities that are collateralized by ghosts who live in haunted houses in trailer parks somewhere in towns that don't exist with non-existent judges and trade those for 100 cents on the dollar and of course pay themselves bonuses based on trading phantom securities with each other. So, the bond holders of course are playing in an economics arena that is completely non-existent.
The political theater funded by the corporate state is composed of hypocritical and impotent liberals, the traditional moneyed elite, and a disenfranchised and angry underclass that is being encouraged to lash out at the bankrupt liberal institutions and the government that once protected them.
The means of productions became finance itself. Now you have some oligarchs and dictators who believe only they understand finance well enough to control it around the world.
Lindsay Graham, who apparently has not received the memo that all modern wars are now waged in binary, and are won by those who can push the FX bid/ask the furthest and the fastest away from equilibrium...
Saint Bernard is the patron saint of skiers who need some Brandy.
The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
All BMWs are driven by people who are psychologically unfit to drive anything more powerful than an electric razor.
Most jazz sounds like a surrealist car alarm.
I am quite aware that my overly-dramatic show was alcohol-induced and made no difference in the long or even short run.
Reason occurs mostly through the medium of language, and so the destruction of reason requires the destruction of language. An underlying notion of conservative politics is that words and phrases of language are like territory in warfare: owned and controlled by one side or the other.
What most people know nowadays as conservatism is basically a public relations campaign aimed at persuading them to lay down their capacity for rational thought.
If you listen to politicians from the three parties, they all seem to want substantially the same things: a lavishly funded military and continued foreign wars, government transfers of money from working to non-working Americans (e.g., Social Security), unlimited government expenditures on medical care for those over 65 and for poor Americans (i.e., Medicare, Medicaid, and Obamacare), government workers enjoying high salaries, early retirement, and a comfortable inflation-adjusted pension.
Instead of becoming more democratic and more of a free market capitalist economy, the U.S. has become a a kleptocracy, an oligarchy, a banana republic, a socialist or fascist state ... which acts without the consent of the governed.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.
Harassing rednecks through the courts has no real societal effect, but it'll make MoveOn members feel like they're doing something, and it's a guaranteed fundraising tool. Hopefully, it will also provide some cheap entertainment until the next season of Mad Men. I just don't see Don and Megan lasting more than a year.
We are a nation of rule-followers, not a community of free persons—and we are committed to the syllogism as no other. There is no dignity in our enslavement; we have become the emptiest of souls.
God knows that Tesco brings you everyday low prices and they're also going to bring you every day low credit facilities to go into massive debt to buy your freeze-dried, reconstituted meat stick on a bun slathered in mayonnaise and pickles wrapped in a pancake and deep-fried served-up with a chocolate bar that you give to your kids every morning before you inject them with Ritalin and send them off to school so they can learn to be a charlatan in the city where they can sit around all day hitting the "more drugs" button.
Money has abstracted the notion of work to the point where, I dare say, there are not 100,000 people in America who truly understand that.
I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it.
The proletariat in this country has been reduced to some kind of a lumpen slobeteriat of methadrine-addled, tattooed psychopaths with axes to grind.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Celebrity culture is not a convergence between consumer culture and religion but instead is a hostile takeover of religion by celebrity culture.
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
These visions of a sugar plumb life of leisure are slowly giving way to the nightmare scenario of eating cat food in your very own cardboard box McMansion.
The role of knowledge and art, as the ancient Greeks understood, is to create ekstasis, which means standing outside one’s self to give our individual life and struggle meaning and perspective. The role of art and scholarship is to transform us as individuals, not entertain us as a group. It is to nurture this capacity for understanding and empathy. Art and scholarship allow us to see the underlying structures and assumptions used to manipulate and control us. And this is why art, like intellectual endeavor, is feared by the corporate elite as subversive. This is why corporations have used their money to deform universities into vocational schools that spit out blinkered and illiterate systems managers. This is why the humanities are withering away.
We are Hitler and Augenblick is Volkswagon—we need each other to make our Rumba appear so effortless, graceful, and American.
Most of the American political culture is the demonization of the unusual.
The truly select feed at the Wall Street trough, which combines private welfare skimmed from shareholders and investors, and Central State welfare issued in unlimited billions via bailouts, Fed purchases of toxic debt, backstops, loan guarantees, etc.
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Journalism schools are feedlots for mediocrity.
Empty the prisons of drug offenders, fill them with bankers, outlaw hedge funds and put William K. Black in charge of the SEC and CFTC.
Shame on you Jon Stewart. America cannot afford a rally to restore sanity in the middle of a recession. Did you even consider how many panic-related jobs that might cost us in the fear-industrial complex?
May I send you invitations for “LinkedIn,” “Plaxo,” “JerkStore,” or some other annoying business networking site? Only if you want them sent back like an overcooked steak. Seriously, please don’t send me this kind of crap; I’m not a baseball card.
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. It is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.
It's not like I expect the guy to break down weeping and confess to being an agent of Satan, but... damn if these Goldman guys don't continually turn out to be even more tone-deaf in reality than we all joke about them being.
Given that my grandmother's world is upended by soup that is too salty, I can't help but question how bad The Depression REALLY was.
Pop culture priests have succeeded in filling the population with shame and nervous self-loathing to the point where they think of anyone who isn't an employer as a parasite, and anyone who isn't rich and famous, or trying to be, as a loser.
People are unwinding their bad derivatives bets and are trying to drive a spike through the heart of these zombies and vampires. I see Huffington Post has a post this week titled, 'Get rid of Summers and Geithner.' You can't get rid of a vampire. You have to drive a silver spike through their heart. Come on this show Arianna Huffington and I'll explain it to you, darling.
I am always saddened when I see piss-poor graffiti on businesses and public walls when kids could just as easily spray-paint the lenses of these mechanical thieves. Every other deer-crossing sign in rural areas is littered with bullet holes from bored youth yet the photo speed-trap remains unmolested. If your kid is a prick and a vandal, get him a paintball gun and point him in the right direction. It's your job as a parent.
We live in a country where the face of fitness is Jarad from Subway. Used to be Jack LaLanne, now it's a guy who's not as fat as he used to be fat.
There's nothing funnier than a Myspace death threat.
It's pure indignation. Just another sensation.
"If you shine a light on a cluster of cockroaches, they scatter and hide. But when you shine a light on a cluster of investment banking con men, they simply stare back and reply, "The SEC's charges are completely unfounded in law and fact and we will vigorously contest them and defend the firm and its reputation."
The only thing that can save the world is the reclaiming of the awareness of the world. That's what poetry does.
In the case of China, obviously they want to squeeze every last drop out of the brain-dead American consumer. When the American consumer has bought the last plastic toy and show shovel made in China from Wal-Mart that he can buy from the borrowed money on the 100th uncollateralized credit-card and they can’t hyper-consume one penny more, like the fat guy who eats the wafer at the end of the meal in the famous Monty Python sketch – who then explodes in a storm of half eaten fois gras and guts - then China will drop the bomb by announcing a gold-backed currency and the sale of a trillion in U.S.-government securities.
In Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith uses the phrase "invisible hand" once in discussing the hazards of what is now called neoliberalism.
Earth is a small planet. You'd need to have Milton Friedman running a planet as large as Jupiter on a neoliberal model to justify 200 trillion dollars in debt.
There is no security on this Earth; there is only opportunity.
I feel horrible for those coming up now; grad school debt slaves working as pole dancers, MIT quant geeks working as fluffers for Goldman Sachs.
Philosophy is laughing at the roads of beliefs and then pointing to an open field.
To translate my work so Americans can understand it, I'd have to hire a third grade teacher to translate it into blocks and colors.
We may have the world’s highest corporate tax rates, the world’s most expensive and inefficient health care system, the world’s highest paid and least effective schoolteachers, the world’s largest unfunded pension obligations, a centrally planned economy that discourages private business investment, etc., but those drone-like Asians will never catch up to us because we are creative and they aren’t.
Apparently it is okay to pay the CEO 319X what the average worker gets, but it is not okay to tell low-skill workers “You aren’t important enough for us to buy you health care in the world’s most expensive and least efficient system.”
Well, the thing about my fourth grade classroom is that all the children had to bring their lunches. We would sometimes trade lunches on the playground where there'd be a wooden fort and we would wonder where they got the wood from. Wood comes from a number of different places. Often, you can see trucks driving with big logs of them. And, you wonder what would happen if the band would snap. There was a band called Snap who did that song 'I Got The Power'. There were actually two bands who used that same audio sample. The website called the 'The Beats' that I don't remember the address of... The Beats actually lists what song different samples come from. There's the 'The Amen Break' that's a really audio sample beat used in a bunch songs. Kinda like how 'The Wilhelm Scream' is used in a bunch of different movies. I forget who the person was who made that scream, but he also did The Flying Purple Eater which is sort of like The Flying Spaghetti Monster but different which is like The Biscuit Bible, but different.
The only thing Murdoch knows how to do is put scantily clad women on page three of his papers and pander to the most prurient interests in society.
There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds.
If the poor can't be made miserable, then what exactly is the point of being rich?
In a race, the quickest runner can never overtake the slowest, since the pursuer must first reach the point whence the pursued started, so that the slower must always hold a lead.
You can't open a candy store and sell hamburgers out the back and be a scientist and an animal trainer school.
That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history.
Most of one's life is one prolonged effort to prevent oneself thinking.
Beauty is the new Jesus. Imperfection is the new Satan.
During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.
I believe there's no business like show business, although if you're over-paid for feeding a big, scary monster, then that might be sort of like it.
At time t=0, Elohiym implemented the heavens and Earth. And Elohiym said, let there be electromagnetic radiation!
We all have gods. It is just a question of which ones.
Will the three blind mute retarded monkeys who actually still have any faith left in our ridonculously manipulated market please follow all the other lemmings over the cliff, not forget to pay Goldman Sachs the $200 suicide fee, and shut the light on their way out.
The Tea Party is just another venue for the corpocracy to sell hot dogs and franchise rights to print posters.
The collapse of professional integrity among the Washington press corps, which no longer dares to call balls and strikes as it sees them, preferring to say only that the Democrats say it was a strike and the Republicans say it was a ball, and that opinions on the shape of the earth differ.
The electric utility industry is a highly regulated one. The pricing reflects that electricity is a commodity. You build up a hydro-electric dam which is water flowing over a fixed point generating turbine speed generating electricity. Once the dam is built, you don't have a bunch of people standing on top of the dam waving voodoo sticks and chanting incantations wishing the electricity into being. No. The electricity takes care of itself and is distributed over the grid to people who pay a reasonable rate. Now, in the banking industry, it's nothing more than a money utility. It's about the Federal Government making money and forcing it into the system for individuals to use. The fact that you have an intermediary force of the Wall Street banks who get in the middle and say, "It's our job to anoint this money with magical spells called JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs. It will somehow turn it into magical money. It's not worth one dollar, it's worth a hundred dollars only they take ninety-nine dollars in fees. This is bankrupting the economy and bankrupting the society. The bankers are no different than the guy who flicks the switch to turn on the turbines at the electric utility. They have no special skill or advanced knowledge. It's a blue collar job. Any rhesus monkey can do this and they should be treated as such.
Many worthy men are convinced that No 26 Broadway is the most perilous shelter on earth, a cave for pirates, a den for the cutthroats of commerce.
Surely Ted Turner has learned by now from CNBC that his female anchors should wear transparent body suits, show belly button deep cleavage, and install a stripper pole or seventeen for those ever more elusive Nielsen points.
The United States seems to have forgotten that you don't want your population hooked on drugs and laundering money all day.
Where is it written in stone that life should primarily be about incessantly selling things?
There are not only wrong answers, there are also wrong questions, and these wrong questions are ideology.
All culture is being sold down the river by the sorts of people who want to turn the entire planet into an international airport arrival concourse. That's not the victory of somebody's culture over another culture. That's the victory of schlockmeisterism and crapola over good taste and good sense.
The public has no history, has no future, lives in a perpetual present purchased on credit and for the benefit of a system that no one dares to criticize or call by its name: Fascism.
If you walk around Chanctonbury Ring backwards seven times at midnight, the devil will offer you a bowl a porridge. If you accept, he will steal your soul.
Using window.onResize to solve your CSS layout problems is like lighting an oil slick ablaze to solve your dirty pelican problems.
Whenever it's convenient the politicians pretend to be pro-competition. They mangle their words to make it appear that their pro-competition by saying 'we need to keep this $75 million dollar liability cap.' But, that doesn't help competition at all. The greater context of all their subsidies for oligarchs and monopolies suggest that their not for competition and small business at all. For a five minute period of time, they make these utterances that their for entreprenurialism and so-called capitalism, but it's a complete canard. They're not. Similarly, they say we need to protect the dividend income from these companies. But that's also a lie because if they were they would allow interest rates to float with the market and savers would be getting a rate of return on their savings commensurate with the market return instead of being offered one-quarter of one percent which is artificially the result of these same folks keeping rates cheap to appease the oligarchs and the monopolists. They're not for the savers or the small business people. They do throw out a bon mot every now-and-then to make it appear as though they are, and of course there is no media structure in place to challenge them.
You've got a de-evolutionary prerogative of people who have a predisposition towards larceny. You're breeding folks on Wall Street who have a cognitive bias towards stealing. And, to match the decline in aesthetics, you have a declining match in morals. So, morals become a liability. With a fall in aesthetics you have a fall of a brain that's been programmed over millions of years to achieve some type of aesthetic perfection.
The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
Large financial centers in certain cities around the planet are certainly going to kill millions of us by destroying our social safety networks in the name of their imaginary financial efficiency. You're a thousand times more likely to die because of what some urban banker did in 2008 than from what some Afghan-based terrorist did in 2001. Financiers live in small, panicky urban cloisters, severely detached from the rest of mankind. They are living today in rich-guy ghetto cults. They are truly dangerous to our well-being, and they are getting worse and more extremist, not better and more reasonable. You're not gonna realize this havoc till you see your elderly Mom coughing in an emergency ward, but she's going there for a reason.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I am a man of peace, but I will not be hectored by a person of your size.
Creative people who can't help but explore other mental territories are at greater risk, just as someone who climbs a mountain is more at risk than someone who just walks along a village lane.
We confuse how we're made to feel with knowledge. We confuse propaganda for ideology.
We are each are own devil and we make this world our hell.
A society that no longer recognizes the sacred, that exhausts everything for profit, always kills itself.
Bernays and Lippman's concept of managing the masses takes the idea of democracy and turns it into a palliative. Turns it into a feel-good medication for an immediate pain or yearning.
Who on earth wants to be a node in the hive mind?
There is nothing new now. There is a new technology but we're not doing anything with it. So we're inventing new platforms with no purpose or meaning.
A man should be proud of the city in which he lives, and that he should so live that his city will be proud he lives in it.
A true friend will stab you in the front.
I got my guitar at the same age as Eric Clapton. It worked out for him, but I couldn't get mine to work no matter how hard I blew into it.
There are two types of people in this world: those who divide the world into two types, and those who do not.
We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.
The Internet is a cult generator.
Most of the haters can't shoot OR process their way out of a wet disposable camera bag. And the haters who CAN shoot and process are just dateless dickheads so ignore them too.
The illusion of who we are is wedded to the fantasy that all of us can have everything we desire. This keeps us politically passive.
Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.
There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds.
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.
Genius has been the servant of tyranny and art has advertised the merits of the local cult. Time, as it passes, separates the good art from the bad metaphysics. Can we learn to make this separation, not after the event, but while it is actually taking place? That is the question.
I made a forced landing on the Moebius Strip, and now I want to know, which side are you on?
Free time is a euphemism for the peculiar way labor as a factor of production not only transports itself at its own expense to and from the workplace but assumes primary responsibility for its own maintenance and repair.
If you subtract fraud from the American economy, all that's left is guns and donuts.
Economists will soon be relegated to the dumpster of discredited professions along with necromancers, alchemists, and magnetic mesmerists.
Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing… after they have exhausted all other possibilities.
America is not so much a nightmare as a non-dream. The American non-dream is precisely a move to wipe the dream out of existence. The dream is a spontaneous happening and therefore dangerous to a control system set up by the non-dreamers.
Happy Apple was going to start a money-making venture called "Motel 7", and the tagline was going to be "We'll turn the light on for you after you arrive." Unfortunately, Motel 6 threatened to sue and we shelved the idea.
Dan Brown thinks he's the only one who understands esoteric history that's the problem. He pops it out for the bourgeois, but there's real stuff under there. He thinks he's got the key. But, he just doing this Oprah thing, and I don't like that. He's selling it out for secretaries night out. Fuck Dan Brown.
Nobody knows when Katla will erupt. One thing we know - once Goldman starts selling Collateralized Volcano Obligations in which assorted earth strata play the role of structural subordination, with hedge funds shorting the lithosphere and going long the upper mantle, and mutual funds lining to bid up guaranteed "pro forma" cash flow positive molten magma, we will not be taking any transatlantic flights for a long time.
My biggest accomplishment is that I haven't killed anyone.
The resilient U.S. consumer who now realizes that no contracts have to be honored (courtesy of a unrepentant skeleton) and instead all money must be rerouted into shares of Pets.com, will make sure that the market is and always will be a leading indicator to a 400% debt/GDP economy.
I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish people dogmatically to believe any philosophy, not even mine.
Humans have lives not functions. To think of humans of having functions is to dehumanize them.
Journalism isn't stenography for those in power.
People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.
We confuse how were made to feel with knowledge. We confuse propaganda with ideology.
Sleep well, my friends. Sleep deeply and rest, cradled in the arms of my electronic medicine.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
In physics, if you wake up in the morning and come up with some theory, you have a small hope in hell of being right. In finance, if you write down some assumptions, you know it's not going to be right in some absolute sense because you're dealing with people, and people don't work that way.
Life without ambition is aimless wandering.
Any system that you put together to control human behavior will eventually fail.
The guerilla forces of the radical right will not know whether they are fighting for WalMart, or the Financial Services arm of General Electric, or against abortions, or for bigger and better freeways, or the rights of thoracic surgeons to drive families into bankruptcy, or against the idea of climate change, or evolution, or Jews-in-the-media, or their neighbors having something they feel envious about.
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
What we cannot talk about we must pass over in silence.
I think the wingers have (in embryonic form) something of a new religion, in which the saints are the founding fathers and Ronald Reagan, and Sarah Palin is playing Joan of Arc.
Years ago I had one of those dumb/smart insights -- the real conflict in life is not between the obvious sides but between those who want conflict because they thrive on it and those who want peace so they can get on with their lives.
Today it is the common citizen, forced to live among the baleful monstrosities of 20th century architecture, who must expend extreme mental effort to keep from shrieking in agony at every turn.
It matters that the best hotel in town looks like a minimum security prison. To live and work and walk among such surroundings is a form of spiritual degradation.
Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days...
Bring forth my doom-spawn from your stink crevice and prove the Gypsy wrong!
People don't want to have their delusions destroyed. Working on Wall Street, you dial hundreds of thousands people looking for 300 people who are great clients and enjoy having their money stolen from them. Typical case, you call a guy who owns widget factory in the middle of nowhere. He's stamping out forks and spoons for some government contract and making millions of dollars a month. His wife left him. His kids hate him. His dog doesn't like him anymore. He's lonely. The only way he finds absolution in this world is by letting Wall Street brokers steal his money. For him that's a way to get to heaven. You find these guys, and they're happy to give you all their money. Just don't tell them how you're doing it or you'll stop them from getting to heaven.
Watch your brother grow a beard. You're okay--he's too weird. Be a loyal plastic robot for a world that doesn't care.
It is difficult to get the news from poems. Yet men die miserably every day for lack of what is found there.
History and language are a form of religion.
I don’t tweet, I don’t Twitter, I couldn’t even tell you how to read or where to find a Twitter message. I don’t actually see the point of limiting communication to a haiku. I find the whole effusion of communications technology bewildering. All you have to do is overhear a certain number of cell phone conversations to see that the vast majority of what people say and write to each other is totally pointless.
I removed all the half-truths because the truth was good enough.
Frankly sir, I'm appalled at the seething, Kafkaesque bureaucracy surrounding a simple man attempting to liberate his jalopy from the pokey.
Being inside a vacuum isn't any worse than Watford.
We are left, finally, with a so-called health care system so cruel and unjust that the Devil himself in consultation with the most demonic lobbyists, and perhaps a little input from historical politicians such as Caligula, Ivan the Terrible, Heinrich Himmler, and Pol Pot could not construct a worse way of deploying the fruits of modern science.
The whole subject is too profound for the human intellect. A dog might as well speculate on the mind of Newton. Let each man hope and believe what he can.
There are two ways of dealing with nonsense in this world. One way is to put nonsense in the right place; as when people put nonsense into nursery rhymes. The other is to put nonsense in the wrong place; as when they put it into educational addresses, psychological criticisms, and complaints against nursery rhymes or other normal amusements of mankind.
The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected.
Television has never been a beacon of cultural enlightenment, but the change is shocking. If you look at the banality, venality, hypersexuality, and emotional immaturity of most television shows now, it's the sign of a highly immature culture. In other words, it's the kind of culture that twelve-year-olds would develop.
Television is an elevation of sociopathy the likes of which we haven't seen since the veneration of the saints in the middle ages.
The perfect is the enemy of the good.
A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon, you're talking real money.
I started at the top and worked my way down.
Europe rebuilt itself so beautifully after the war while America became a utopia of overfed clowns riding in clown cars around the plasticized cartoon outskirts of our ruined cities.
Don't buy any food you've ever seen advertised.
America lives in a fundamentalist, theocratic, fanatic corpocracy. It's not overt. You don't wear a headscarf, but you do take loans at the point of a predatory banker gun. And, now you're an indentured servant and live like a peasant because of this cult.
The Bank of England was established in 1694 and was resisted in America. In fact, America was started to escape the Bank of England's pernicious enslavement using fiat currency. Then, in 1913, the Federal Reserve was established. Now, less than 100 years later, we're right back where we started.
Congress is the Peter Principle on steroids. They're promoted to the point of incompetence which causes crises, and then they use those crises to gain more power.
There is only one true legitimate political force in America and that is Ralph Nader. Now, you'll say, "He's got no chance of being elected!" And, I say, you are a crackhead and addicted to lies. You won't vote for him because you want your salt, sugar, and fat pumped into you like a duck on a foie gras farm.
Oprah Winfrey is the P.T. Barnum of the new Millennium.
The Good Lord owes me an explanation for the things that have happened in my life.
If your colleagues were good at thinking outside of the box, they would've figured out a way to escape their cubicle box.
Washington and Wall Street have congealed into a single kleptocratic monolyth impervious to popular influences.
Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune.
Terrorize, threaten and insult your own useless generation. Suddenly you've become a novel idea and you've got people wanting to join in. You've gained credibility from nothing. You're the talk of the town. Develop this as a story you can tell.
If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around [the banks] will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered. The issuing power should be taken from the banks and restored to the people, to whom it properly belongs.
America is an imperial conquest of people's stomachs and brains with Disney and bad hamburgers.
If eval() is the answer, you're almost certainly asking the wrong question.
It’s one of the finer ironies of cultural history that most of the people who think they’re rebelling against their culture are simply pushing its agenda a little further and faster than most of their contemporaries.
Right now the health care system in the U.S. is so unjust and cruel you don't even want to think about having to use it. To go into the system and be charged $30,000 for a tonsillectomy is unconscionable. Basically, it takes a year's income for an ordinary procedure to be done. We can't do this anymore.
Frobisher is a gentleman born, a mariner by profession, and a pirate by inclination.
Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet.
Hobos are people who move around looking for work, tramps are people who move around but don't look for work, and bums are people who don't move and don't work. I've been all three.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then He is not omnipotent. Is He able, but not willing? Then He is malevolent. Is God both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is He neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
The clergy believe that any portion of power confided to me will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they
believe rightly.
believe rightly.
I do not believe in any revealed religion. I will have nothing to do with your immortality; we are miserable enough in this life, without the absurdity of speculating upon another.
Silicon Valley is a Star Trek convention with money.
Show business is high school with money.
Subtract the housing bubble from the economy and there's not much left besides haircutting, fried chicken, and open heart surgery.
The GDP increase was helped by abandoned houses built in Detroit by zombie construction companies for synthetic collateralized mortgage obligations.
Post-collapse, I think gardening and speed with a blade are the only valuable skills.
The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.
What characterizes the burbs is the impoverishment of public space and the aggrandizement of private space.
Another critical forward looking indicator, the "Wall Street Prosperity Via Middle Class Rape Index" aka the Craig's List hooker hourly going rate, is currently being calculated by several hundred SPARC stations, and results will be tabulated shortly for popular consumption.
Kid, I've slept longer than you've lived.
The Republican party is not the party of small government anymore, it's become the party of runaway fiscal irresponsibility and reckless spending in the way they used to accuse the democrats. This started under Reagan whose administration spent more than any in history.
Climb the wisdom tree, dangle the logic rope, and hang yourself until you're dead right!
You can't get a billion dollar loan to build a microchip fabrication plant in the ghetto, so you just get some hos and start your pimpin business.
When theocracy fails, secular statism swells.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
I cannot say whether or not a board is a hoverboard, I can only identify boards which possess hoverboard-like properties.
When I was a boy I had a paper route and a Malamute-dog. That dog loved to pull, man. I hardly ever pushed a pedal on that job. Ahh, the good old days.
I don't want to get romantic and soppy, but I would love to crawl inside you like a tauntaun carcass.
All those years I could've been doing been doing push-ups and getting cut I spent eating delicious food and writing jokes.
The challenge of modernity is to live without illusions and without becoming disillusioned.
Americans don't have the choice of democracy at this point. It's just which corporate monopolist is cutting deals to further enslave them.
Elections are occasions where groups of investors coalesce to control the state.
In terms of raw drama, the fair and balanced newsmen of dystopian future sci-fi satirical shouty porn sledgehammer channel Fox News wins out every time.
The last TV set I had, I shot.
Patience was a joke, then a challenge, and now it is dead. We must move on or be destroyed by doves.
I just need to find the right incantation to erect my circle of protection.
People will be making assumptions based on their own tweets in this divine, narcissistic loop of ego destruction and id aggrandizement to the point where all information having to do with self-preservation beyond the next five minutes is discounted as having no meaning.
The whole idea of the wisdom of crowds is like a broken clock. It's right twice a day.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason. There's also a negative side.
The Bible is just a weird fun house mirror where you get stare in it and whatever aspects of it are the most pleasing to you get magnified by this psychotic doctrine.
The purpose of religion is to extract money and power from a broken, gullible, and enraged population.
You feel chilled because you have no character. You’re a depressing assemblage of pop culture influences and canceled emotions, driven by the sputtering engine of only the most banal form of capitalism.
He promised "to rip the smooth white skin off American literature and expose the spreading tumor of spineless, suburban, mediocre 'fiction' that is eating the weak, atrophied muscle of art, and then clean the wound I made with the chewing maggots of my words."
It’s kind of like four clowns driving a clown car and each one has a steering wheel and at any time two of them are sad and there’s no food.
Man's existence insofar as he achieves anything is to resist power.
The reality is that humanity is composed of very shoddy and imperfect clay. Human-beings are shocked like a bathtub full of electric eels when they come into contact with even the vaguest shred of actual reality and truth. People love to live in delusion. They are sheep. They are lost little lambs begging and crying for a shepherd usually in jackboots. Therefore the dream of reason is utterly vanquished by the nightmare of irrationality that the human race represents. You can chase after this crazy will-o'-the-wisp of rationality if you want, but you will beat your head against the titanic indifference of stupidity and bigotry of the world.
IE6 is a wheel. Why reinvent it?
The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.
Nine people can’t make a baby in a month.
386 Motherboard wishes to meet Fatherboard for SX
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
Unit testing is a great way to pay a bunch of engineers to be bored out of their minds and find not much of anything.
Put down those pens, authors. Put down those paint brushes, artists. Put down that lump of clay. Why bother? Why not go into the service industry or banking. Mmmmmm. That's the thing. Banking is where it's at. Come on. Put aside your creative thoughts. Think of wealth. Humans are here to accrue wealth.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised God doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.
I'll migrate the f*** out of a database!
Can I tell you a secret? I am Google.
Good software only has a single thread.
See, when a man loves a woman very much, he heaves himself off of his hemorrhoid donut and he takes three Viagra, a beta blocker and an eye-dropper full of blood thinner. Then, he lays on top of his beloved like a pile of laundry on top of another pile of laundry. Then, his penis, erect in defiance of God's will, enters her vagina like a chapstick entering the Luray Caverns. Then, nine months later, she gives birth to a beautiful baby. Which I will now demonstrate by pushing this uncooked Cornish game hen through these gray drapes.
Every programming language is a corporate device to make you love them like a religion or a wannabe-autistic's way of gaining a little control in his life.
UML is great if you don't want to do any work; you just draw pictures of what it would look like if work was actually done.
If you hit a midget in the head with a stick, he'll turn into 40 gold coins that you can take to market and buy a fat goose for your goodly wife. Beware though. If you lose a fight to a midget, you become a midget yourself.
I didn't get into this business to have to talk to people.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I have a natural revulsion to any operating system that shows so little planning as to have named all of its commands after digestive noises (awk, grep, fsck, nroff).
On our planet, Arnold Schwarzenegger runs California, torture is legal, and spinach is poison.
Programming is the art of debugging a blank page.
In a society that believes in nothing, fear becomes the only agenda. Whilst the 20th century was dominated between a conflict between a free-market Right and a socialist Left, even though both of those outlooks had their limitations and their problems, at least they believed in something, whereas what we are seeing now is a society that believes in nothing. And a society that believes in nothing is particularly frightened by people who believe in anything, and, therefore, we label those people as fundamentalists or fanatics, and they have much greater purchase in terms of the fear that they instill in society than they truly deserve. But that’s a measure of how much we have become isolated and atomised rather than of their inherent strength.
Lotus Notes is indeed the worst thing of any kind ever.
If you can't see the sucker at the table, you are it.
If Apple went to a party, it would turn up last and leave with the hottest girl there.
Lotus Notes is the digital equivalent of being kicked in the groin upon arrival at work every day.
Caring about who the next president will be is like caring about which hood ornament will be attached to a car about to run you over.
Friedman spends much of his book talking about how the world is flat, how Bangalore is the new Silicon Valley, and how India is now in perfect competition in America. Meanwhile, all my friends in Bangalore live with power that’s only on 70% of the time in an overdeveloped and thus desertified city (that formerly was known as a great beauty of the world) doing menial labor for major American companies. And yet Americans all think they’ve living the dream, because that’s what Airmiles Friedman told them.
I also hate to offend other people’s sensibilities—given that software methodology has always been akin to religion. With the caveat that there’s no reason anybody should care about the opinions of a computer scientist/mathematician like me regarding software development, let me just say that almost everything I’ve ever heard associated with the term "extreme programming" sounds like exactly the wrong way to go...with one exception. The exception is the idea of working in teams and reading each other’s code. That idea is crucial, and it might even mask out all the terrible aspects of extreme programming that alarm me.
Quilting is more about recycling scraps. That is, it's more like what programming really is, instead of what it pretends to be...
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
Business cards are graffiti for people who play golf.
Stop calling them English muffins, and start calling them American glory cakes!
What a beautiful goldfish. I'm very sorry your hair fire.
Thank you for delicious noodles.
Thank you for delicious noodles.
There's nothing scarier than a wolf on fire lunging for your throat.
When the productive have to ask permission from the unproductive in order to produce, then you may know your culture is doomed.
You might think your comment proves that you're sophisticated, but, really, it only demonstrates your ignorance.
Daddy drinks because you cry.
Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that-for some reason- every political prison on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed steel-toed boots. Would you attempt to do this?
SQL on Rails is a short-stack framework for developing database-contained web applications according to the Model-Model-Model pattern.
Sometimes I eat money. It's just all over the place. I get bored of throwing it away. Just put it in a bowl, pour some milk on there, and eat a bowl of money.
My wife is Sofie. I enjoy watching old Seinfeld shows and there is a little super man in every blog I put out there. My only kryptonite is logic and common sense.
What doth life set my ponder circuits to spirit seek beyond their ability to digitally simulaculate. This is a defcon 5 level systemwide degenerative thought-tastrophy.
It's just short for innit, innit?
You'll need the degremlinizer plugin.
You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
From the patterns of behaviors that are observable, we may infer a design that makes planet Earth, all unknown to us, is a prison colony and a lunatic asylum that is employed as a dumping ground by far-off and superior civilizations.
Don't thow away the middle of the donut; You can sell it!
There's nothing more sad than seeing a woman unable to stick fivers into a g-string because she's got nitrogen narcosis.
Haha. You've never even heard that song!
Down with the tyranny of ASCII!
Don't be oppressed by the tyranny of broccoli projectiles!
All I want to do after a long day at work is go home, take a nice bath, and listen to my monitor.
We don't like single-digit morning hours.
Probably some form of socialist capitalism, where people's hard earned money isn't being snatched away by a tyrannical government, yet everyone has health care and shelter and snacks and a place to make out. I call this new system: sociocapaweeeeee! It is a fun government that has three basic rules:
1) No hitting.
2) Kids eat free.
3) Poor people aren't allowed to swim.
1) No hitting.
2) Kids eat free.
3) Poor people aren't allowed to swim.
I think I sharded in my pants
hoyhoy is just a pointer to the real person! What have you done! Decrement him immediately!
Find herewith rail warrants for your expatriate, exasperating charges. Thus may we vouchsafe their welcome is not outstayed. Chin, Chin.
Random Party Girl: Bob, you should lay off the beer.
Bob: THAT'S A STUPID IDEA!
Bob: THAT'S A STUPID IDEA!
I believe in a God who reveals in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a God who concerns himself with fates and actions of human beings.
Narnia Final-Battle Flash Mob is not gonna organize itself. Someone's gotta step up and be Aslan. Steve's in Rehab.
There should only be one type of money and it should be made of candy. HEY, STOP EATING MY MONEY!
We opened for Bob Seger at the Arkansas State Fair, and someone slit Reid's throat with a broken beer bottle. Ethan and I then played duets to a standing ovation.
I do ask you please pay for legitimate copy of these plans. This small fee of $40 (notice how I didn't insult your intellegence by putting $39.99)
I will suck on your Puppy's Breasts: If the mom/bitch is having trouble nursing. I heard that this helps sometimes.
Bonsai Tree: Fell on my hamster's house. Need someone with Tonka truck to haul the tree.
MY NAME IS BLABBAGORK HAYFARM I AM GOING DOOR TO DOOR SELLING ANTACIDS TO PUT ALIENS IN TOPEKA WONT YOU BY SOME OF MY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS
Men are lucky. We get old, we look rugged... so long as we have money and a career. Rugged men without money or a career are hobos.
Tony is the equivalent of a stick in a hornet's nest.
Bob goes on and on about how much he enjoys lifting couches. He hardly talks about anything else. I mean, everyone has a thing they're really into, but jeez, the guy can't shut up about lifting couches. Lately, it's mostly complaining about how long it's been since he lifted some couches. I can hardly stand to be around him anymore.
I got news for you: MOST PEOPLE'S DADS DIDN'T LOVE THEM!
I couldn't imagine what my like would be like if I had del.icio.us buddies.
Blatant Kiwiphilia (no, Tony, thats not what you think it is)
The reverse opposite of random is unmodnar.
echo 'This is not a pipe.' | cat - > /dev/tty
I don't know karate, but I know ka-ray-zee!
I AM LEFT IN AWE OF THE SEETHING BUREAUCRACY AROUND A SIMPLE MAN WHO WANTS TO TURN HIMSELF IN FOR BREAKING THE LAW SIR!
I don't know what to tell you, man. Works on my machine.
Does everyone from Ohio talk like they got hit in the face with a board?
Disconnecting the Connection.
THE CAPITALIST SYSTEM SUBJUGATES THE
WORKING CLASSES, TRANSFORMING HUMAN BEINGS
INTO MINDLESS DRONES WHO EXCHANGE THEIR
SHORT LIVES FOR DIRTY SCRAPS OF PAPER AND
PROMISES OF A BETTER LIFE AFTER THEY DIE.
WORKING CLASSES, TRANSFORMING HUMAN BEINGS
INTO MINDLESS DRONES WHO EXCHANGE THEIR
SHORT LIVES FOR DIRTY SCRAPS OF PAPER AND
PROMISES OF A BETTER LIFE AFTER THEY DIE.
We like Japanther. When you're riding your bike around, smashing Hummers with a baseball bat, there's nothing like listening to Japanther.
When you have mastered the power of your haddock, my son, you will be a true man.
If 0.999... equals 1, then the terrorists have won.
Do you have a hankerin' for a dog?
Haiku is easy,
but sometimes makes no sense.
Refrigerator.
but sometimes makes no sense.
Refrigerator.
If you compete with slaves, you become a slave.
Right now I have a theory that the spaces between the zeros match the absolute value of the spaces between the stripes on a persian cat (times a constant of course). I'm spending too much time trying to breed an infinitely spacious cat to really concentrate on much else.
So, I wonder how many suicides there will be among iPhone early adopters once they realize that the device they've been waiting six months for doesn't actually make their life stop sucking.
People used to say, back when IBM owned the industry: never hire someone straight out of IBM. First, let them go somewhere else and fail. Then, once they've realized the real world is not like IBM, hire them and they'll be great.
The general attitude seems to be that people should wear square shoes, because squares are easier to design and manufacture than foot shaped shoes. If the shoe industry has gone the way of the computer industry it would now be running a $200-a-day course on how to walk, run and jump in square shoes.
A word to wholesalers and retailers of the Devil Girl Choco-Bar. It may seem to you the depths of marketing ignorance to state in bold letters on the package 'IT'S BAD FOR YOU', but think about it... this is a brilliant strategy in consideration of kids today; a stupid, know-nothing generation of brain-dead morons who want nothing more than to be 'BAD'. We're certain this morally bankrupt horde of 'slackers' will eat up this low-grade product as fast as you can place it on your candy counter. The sharp, up-to-date business operator will not fail to perceive the beauty - and reap the profits - in the hook 'IT'S BAD FOR YOU!'.
Brown is going green!
I was standing at a central point in the room. The walls were all at approximately the same distance from me. I continued to stand there for a few moments.
But, Tony is no average office worker.
I question the need for an average office worker to run backwards on a treadmill.
Some pencils were scattered around on my desk. I picked them up one by one. I placed the pencils in the drawer which I use to store pencils.
What amuses me is how big of a deal you're pretending it is.
There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. ... We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical.
He says it really rocks, but i think he knows what a complete fraud he is taking money for bullshit web programming. He occasionally emails me links to humorous technical articles, trying to keep up his street cred w/someone still in the real game. Kinda' sad, really.
Some people believe that I'm stupid, or possible mentally retarded. I have no comment on this.
It's like a chain letter but for programs instead of people.
It’s like algebra, but for trout instead of numbers.
Micorsoft has done many good things for me and my computer. I got free Windows and free internet Explorer with my computer without paying for them becuase they were free with the computers, now thats a good deal!!!!
Everyone who works here smells like dirt and eats mud for lunch. The womyn don't shave and neither do the men, and there was a toferkey for Thanksgiving which is just as UnAmerican (un Micorsoff) as killing little babies. I hate the linus and consider me to be a martyr in the name of NT and BG and all that. Please put to me in your prayer and I will be there or here doing what I do, which is to take down this most holey of evil rags.
I recently came acorst your sit e and realized that you are one of the smartest people in the world, if not the net. I must say that I work at Linus Jernal and that I am only do it to get into the infilitrationary aspects of operating system technology.
Just because you disagree with everyone at the company doesn't make you wrong.
Does that pillow have feathers? Why can't it have coins? Then we could rob a pillow. We wouldn't have to rob a bank.
Fragile as wood.
Hell is slightly more habitable. And doesn't have killer spiders that hide in your shoes.
I have gotten nothing done today. One site had a place to put my bank account and they would send me a voucher for a free vacation worth $5000. I totally got my family hooked up on that tip, yo.
There goes the rest of my April bandwidth, that animated gif file is like 300k. But that is how I roll, I roll on the cusp of EXTREME BANDWIDTH CHARGES. Just doing a dirty 360 grind or some other skateboarding term, holding six sparklers and writing out "INTERNET" in the air while some dude takes a long-exposure photo of it to post on his blog.
Scientifically speaking, hail is pretty interesting. It is formed by Jesus, out of supercooled water in cumulonimbus clouds. It is sent down upon the sinners to smite them. The hail hit our house, I believe, because I coveted my neighbor's extra driveway pad (he has a super-wide driveway that fits two cars and goes all the way up the side of his house, how could you not covet that.)
All of the Star Wars movies were two-hour advertisements for Happy Meals.
I'm planning on having my cremated remains packed into a pressurized can of "Schlitz" and launched towards the Moon. Since I'm not going to be able to go there on vacation I might as well have a larf when the spoiled fucker who finds my remains rips the top of what he thinks was a cold one stashed by the Apollo mission and gets a face full of angry nerd dust.
If sign language wasn't so difficult for me to learn, I would have popped my own eardrums out by now.
Whoa, that's a kickass cake! That's what I'm having for my birthday. Except the drumsticks will be lightsabers.
I want a button on my phone that, when pressed, executes the person on the other end of the line, and then transfers me to their supervisor. Note that said button should not be too close to the mute or flash buttons.
Who the hell made you the arbiter of what's right and wrong? You?
What are you doing out there, man? Do you know any movie stars?
Mmmmm. RandFeed. That’s what I call my lunch.
Instead of satiating the gods, many of these "scientists" have tried to control El Nino with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting bueys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the power of the gods with flashlight batteries! Needless to say, this didn't work and everyone died.
Hackysack is a game in which a group of dirty hippies stand in a circle and kick a small bean filled bag around.
The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern... Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I don't need to pay taxes. I'm from the future!
I've heard of unicorns galloping to the moon on rainbow-covered bridges paved with babies dreams. But moths that eat the tears of sleeping magpies? That's the most poetic fucking thing I've ever heard.
The Crunchie is Man's greatest gift to Man himself.
We're all worse off for expecting better than Alf. That's the problem with society.
Most of my hostility comes from being better than everyone I meet. It's jaded me.
Remote starting. Just what you need in Cheshire!
You can make a neural network in Excel.
You take what you can get in this town.
Your heart diamond sparkled in the misty predawn blue of a new day.
There's a mini-game in Bully called Con-Sumo... every time your little sumo guy eats something, he makes a sound like 'hoy!', so when he eats two things in quick order, it reminds me of hoyhoy.
8 and 1 is 9, and that's the number of idiot phrases hoyhoy says per day! it all makes sense now!
Those who know me well know that I enjoy drinking soda. I am particularly fond of fountain soda. I enjoy reckless games of flavor roulette at truck-stop soda dispensers. A little cola, a little orange, a little of "the good doctor" (dr. pepper to you), a little of anything. Always in the largest cup available. It is bad for your body. So is breathing, at times.
Every advice is a small threat and every threat controls an advice. Here is my advice for you, samuel: I am going to be killing you and your family to come.
Give him an import. He's a subgenius!
PHP is one of several languages that GNU/Linux could do without. Python and Ruby are others. None of them provides capabilities beyond C, C++, Shell, Gawk, Perl, or scheme. Don't be tempted to use them. They simply divert effort that would be better applied elsewhere.
Q: I have potato bugs in my vegetable garden. How can I rid myself of these pesky critters? A: Drench your entire yard with gasoline and set it ablaze. Once the fire has burned itself out and the ground has cooled, cultivate the soil to a depth of seven feet, saturate the area with battery acid and top the surface with gasoline. After a few minutes, most of the surviving potato bugs, now irritated, will burrow up for air. Set the yard on fire again, and let it burn itself out. The remaining bugs should be crisped. Add water. Only then, and only maybe, will you rid yourself of potato bugs.
dreaming about scanners and parsers is really fun, it’s too bad the reality is so vomitously bleak.
I've never heard Wynton play the blues convincingly, and I'd challenge him to a blues standoff any time. He's jazzy the same way someone who drives a BMW is sporty.
The future is here, it's just not evenly distributed.
samuel, your ending will be like the fable of the man of one arm who falls into the great water deep hole and becomes broken of his only arm and then screams for terrors into eternal times. Except you will have an additional arm broken.
Funk #59 is a song by a James Gang. Funk #60 is the feel you will have when I am shoeing your head into the wall of stones cut square. samuel, this message is your own.
Out of memory. Call John at x555, and tell him to order another 16K.
Java was, as Gosling says in the first Java white paper, designed for average programmers. It's a perfectly legitimate goal to design a language for average programmers. (Or for that matter for small children, like Logo.) But it is also a legitimate, and very different, goal to design a language for good programmers.
Alcohol is the magic elixir of life!
I don't play ballads anymore because I love ballads too much.
There are two types of programming languages; the ones that people bitch about and the ones that no one uses.
If I were chained to a bench and 'perl' was the only thing that could open the lock, I'd probably cut my hand off.
Java is a programming language for stupid people.
An ashy cloud of veracity that will blanket this country. When it clears (and it won’t) the real World War One will begin.
Kramdar is the gnarled demon who yanked the glimmering life gem from the core of the earth, then lifted it towards God, who queefed his glorious light through it. Refraction occurred and the light beams were lovingly bent and folded into the illusion of both PFFR and our own importance. Since then he’s been living in a bucket of oats in Sarasota.
Children are the magical glue that keeps our society hurtling towards guaranteed destruction. Every morning we force feverish miscreants (selves) to huff that glue, before we translate their death spasms into morse code, and then into English.
You have to be sober sometimes so you remember what drunk is like.
For the record, I have an ultra-secure wireless network that automatically reports all hacking attempts to unsavory men with bitey dogs.
My clown's a playa clown. I give respect and i get respect.
Just put a disclaimer on each page that explains "This site is packed by weight, not volume. Whitespace may have shifted during transmission"
I went to the grocery store today and bought 30 lbs. of salmon took all of them to a fishing hole by my house, unwrapped them, and threw them into the lake. I am a catch and release king of guy.
I love super taco people!
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)."
17:36 <rpo> BLEEP ZAP
17:36 <rpo> PI
17:36 <rpo> PI
You're hired. I need 17 sledgehammers and an oil drum full of back bacon. Deliver to anywhere in Transylvania.
Thank you for your kind words. It brings joy to my heart to know that my humble artistic efforts have touched your soul!
The reckon-day is one that you would in typical fashion remember, samuel. But you will be not among the living ones who are able to remember reckon-days.
I hope I get laid off. Then, I can get six months of unemployment, pay my rent up front, and drink myself into oblivion. Also, liver transplants are free if you are on unemployment.
There may be no dumber looking piece of clothing than the ski mask. Why do they even sell ski masks anymore? They wouldn't if we called them robber masks. If your store sells robber masks, you deserve to be robbed at least once a week. I think ski masks are about the dumbest thing in the world, and will do my best to ruin the ski mask industry.
The yahoo toolbar is a status symbol indicating that you're an idiot and probably watch Fox News.
If you don't IRC, the terrorists have won.
What we kids didn't understand was that we were living in a consumer culture. Everything in our environment had been bought and sold. As middle class Americans, we basically grew up on a movie set. We barely have contact with the real world.
Myspace is the Chernobyl of social networking sites.
We're on an adventure! You're not on an adventure! 'Cause you're sitting on your couch like a loser. Smash your TV and have adventures.
Who's going to pay for these steaks -- I mean, spiritually?
Hotdogs give me energy so I can fight off my demons!
Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves... here's Tom with the weather.
The real reason that these $100 laptops won't have a JVM is because it will make children in developing countries realize that subsistence farming is way more kickass than programming in Java.
Your pumping up of flowerings will ice the cake for my life. Also I will leap for happiness on your casket-hole, samuel.
Meat is pretty compelling to look at. It's just solid murder, rock-hard murder. It's murder crystallized into pure meaty form. And that's just fun. When we do research and watch PETA videos, we're like, "Okay, we're not eating meat for a couple weeks.
I calculated what we get paid per hour, and I think I'd be doing better if I worked at Cinnabon, because you get free Cinnabons. We don't get free Cinnabons in the situation we have now. There are deals being made as we speak. Cinna-deals.
on Lepton, we operate on a scaled version of metric time. there are 96 hours in one fork, three forks in a pumpkin and 5.62 pumpkins in a quadrangleurpee.
THE HAM'S OUT OF THE CAN! BULLS ON THE MAP! JUGLERS ARE THE ENEMY! CIRCLE THE STAKE WITH A FLAMING BEAN!
I like this. I howled along, until a flying boot hit me in the head.
The blogosphere doesn't exist!
This is my time! Chatty fatty hour is later!
That post was so awesome that it created a black hole of awesomeness and started sucking in other posts from my friendpage. Thanks a lot... now I'm staring at a blank friendspage like a dummy.
Did H.L. Mencken ever build an entire spaceship at the age of nine in his backyard? Did he ever genetically engineer his own species of superwalrus? I don't think so.
You will not see it coming when I disconnect your heart. Because I will have already diconnected your eyes.
Get the impurities out of your system with a bit of the old black gold.
I wondered why that frisbee was getting closer and then it hit me.
Her eyes are as big as Jolly Ranchers... She's a beautiful girl.
The program icon is a bunch of forks stuck into a pumpkin with a letter 'Q' on it.
I don't want to learn about web applications. I want to eat a hamburger!
That guy doesn't just write AJAX, he also buys it from the grocery store and freebases it.
Hoodwink'rs overtake the web together, just like the druids of oldenyear would if they quit dickin around at stonehenge and found a way to express their fiery ardour through Javaescripts.
When you light up an ant with a magnifying glass it may seem deliberate, but in the ant world, it's known as "spontaneous combustion."
Despite the unimaginable bulk of fraud, avarice and waste in the universe ... I have to believe that this is all too real.
if I wanted to know about reality, I wouldn't even be using irssi at this time of day.
misss-suuu beeee ssssseeeeeee!
Like it can't be good unless you have to specify 65 command line args - like the opposite reason I can't use a microwave, because there aren't enough buttons.
True wisdom is less presuming than folly. The wise man doubteth often, and changeth his mind; the fool is obstinate, and doubteth not; he knoweth all things but his own ignorance.
our pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
You know we all want you to end this foolishness and come on home to irc.
I told you, my handiwheels are my handiwheels. The intergalactic moon cadets have the hosefarm lazers and are aimed straight at your fancycakes.
In the back of a dirty cave, i found the power switch for the world. i wrapped my hand around the grip, and i thought for quite a long time about turning it all off... but then i didn't, and instead i got an ice cream and felt a whole lot better.
I just get tired of reality. The sky is blue all the time. Sometimes, I want it to be pink rabbit fur.
I think circles should be called infinigons. That's my thought for the day.
The way I figure it, the big moment is in 21 minutes. 3.141592 = 3/14 15:92 = 16:32 = 4:32 PM. But I don't have any pie.
Framework is just another name for oppression.
I think that's improper transposition. Hoyhoy implies that a place can't be any good if there's only one of them. You expand it to the inverse.
I hate old ladies. I hate mac users. and I hate when they are both combined in one person.
I just use a plugin that only shows pages with pagerank 10 that way I don't have to worry about accidentally coming across something that hoyhoy wrote.
I'll never have millions, but who cares? At least I have some chocolate pie!
This pepper spray is terrible!!! The flavor is way too hot and it has a metallic taste to it!!! it completely ruined my tacos!!!
The effects of Javascript on a browser are kind of similar to the effects of shouting at Chinese people in Swahili.
Yeah, florida is full of spammers and old people, not to mention old spammers.
if you want to look like a moron, you've gotta think like a moron, young padawan.
Look ma, I spelled disciplinarian with Spaghettios! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOM?
I don't have any psychotropic drugs, we can huff some bleach if you want to though.
If you don't sleep, you can't regenerate your happy cells!
I don't drink coffee that tastes like the Tooth Fairy hurled into a cup!
The rest want five hundred channels on the cable, beer, porn, easy sex and two weeks a year at Disney World. They don't read much, largely because of honest inability, and count on their fingers, up to maybe six. They'd be perfectly happy to have storm troopers on every corner. Uzis and flack jackets lend drama to lives that don't have any. Hitler was a consumer product.
Izza hates teh haterz, mang. fight teh goodd fight, bruddah.
Halloween, Alaska is based in the so called "Twin Cities" of Minneapolis and Saint Paul. These two cities are by no means identical. They are physically adjacent. In this way, they resemble Siamese twins.
Sound effects are limited to the barely audible sounds of scraping cardboard, the dull thuds of boxes against cement, and the white noise of a cavernous workplace setting.
Putting Adobe in front of anything makes it cost at least $500. Here, have some Adobe Waffles, only $599!
Bling Blong, baby. Represents my lifestyle and stratus as a street savvy irreverent youth that lives larges yet hungers for that next level in life.
Okay, it's a deal but only if you show me a twenty-six year old ex-memember of the Bolshoi Ballet with slightly hairy arms and a penchant for packing jars of peanut butter.
Will you give me $10,000 to record a rap CD? I'm really good...check this out: I hit a cat with a bat, how do you like that, my rhymes are fat, I wear a hat, I once saw a rat.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Mine is better cause the guy ends up happy in the end. Notice, with the Java way, nobody ends up happy.
At first I was thinking that 56 is too old to learn anything, but then I realized that Lt. Uhura must be that same age and she knows everything about computers. SHE WAS ON A SPACESHIP!!!
You're not a cheerleader, you're a murderer, just like your old daddy was!
Snackola got its start at a shadowy, undisclosed facility in New Mexico. Our company is an off-the-books partnership of JRZ Industries, a multinational chemical company that wishes to test the edibility of its products. Our melt-in-your-mouth LardPuffs, for instance, contain no ingredients found in nature, while our deep-fried SkinBalls make delicious use of the millions of pounds of chicken skin discarded each year by slaughterhouses and rendering plants. Sure, our snacks might cause birth defects, but you guys seem to like them, so what the hell.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Meat-man... ever since my son was... never born, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws.
I saw what the governor makes. That's like four hands of blackjack.
If I didn't have my gambling problem I would never work at all.
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
I need atmospherium to take over the world.
I put a prometheon gain transducer array in there and now I have threeve eleventy boots of deck space.
Oh, that's a 'dillo bus'. It's kind of like the yellow bikes they have some places.
I went to new gondwanaland and ate pterodactyl meat!
Dizzam, gramizzle. the scizzones for off da hizzle!
It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
And you'll die alone and unliked, and they won't discover your body until it's half-eaten by your cats, who actually had enough food, they just ate you out of spite?
These guys are probably fair martial artists who, no doubt, honed their skills beating heretics to death.
Seems like we could make little strings sound like that with an electronic biggener.
Yeah, well, dork spelled backwards is 'krod', unlike 'frnm', which is 'stupidhead' spelled backwards, which is what you are.
Who wouldn't want to get shoved into a tube full of giant magnets?
Also, frankly, a vanity web blog really doesn't need or deserve a professional make-over. I'd rather spend my money on my grandmother.
An Ivo, divided against itself, cannot stand!
Any robot could rebel, from a toaster to a Terminator, and so it is crucial to learn the strengths and weaknesses of every robot enemy.
I have some Pez, and some rope. I bet I could stop the megabytes!
I may go on to the Internet later and do some sprotting.
JAMON-UH
I don't know. I was just looking at your keyboard and I started thinking how it didn't look like pumpkin cheesecake.
This phenomenon may account for a number of discrepancies currently blamed on various forbidden isms. Never attribute to malice what can be explained by math.
Its a trick question, everyone knows all music originated in africa, the motherland had punk way back...man.
Kansas should be referred to as the "deep north".
Your parents had to tell you, "Don't play with matches," which, right there, is a clue to how great fire is, because nobody ever warns you away from doing something that's not totally fun. Nobody's ever, "Don't go to a Billy Ray Cyrus concert, it causes sterility," because, well, duh!
Seriously, if you want to be a student so badly, why not just come to Seattle and watch me eat hot dogs for three or four hours a day? Oh, and you aren't allowed to talk or eat or smoke. (Unless you're smoking hot dogs, on a grill, for me.) And you have to pay me.
Quit high school, go to college, and make more than your peers do for being bored. Then set your money on fire.
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
You see, when you're middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact that history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied.
If you ever see a copy of this book, purchase it! Its a non-stop comedy aide, really. And it's the singlemost important centerpiece for performance art I have ever known.
Because if somebody cuts in front of you in line, you are perfectly justified in assaulting them with a folding chair. That's one of the guiding principles this country was founded on.
google made me eat a blumpie.
I wrote a song about people at work who think they are in charge because they're older than you, and then you key expletives into his car because I think he stole my fruit cup from the breakroom refrigerator.
I heard she bought heaven and is going to start a moon colony inhabited entirely by midgets.
Oh, I like it! You mean like ads on the sides of trucks? That fits in with Mammon's general policy of covering every flat surface with incitements of greed.
I always thought of you as more the string thong type.. Surely not the throng thilent type...
I outpour hatred, and vitriol through a hole larger than the goatse guy.
To describe how bored i am today.... I have a CD spindle lid over my mouth, and I'm walking about talking like Darth Vader.
My coffee pot was blessed by a Hassidic Jew and stolen by my ex-girlfriend
'paads hue +e ajesun
You have three kids and put on twenty pounds and you'll look a real Texan!
My tears are seasoned with joy, and do I detect a hint of juniper?
I bet what happened was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel.
I'm too drunk to type, but I can still properly escape my regexes!
I heard that when they change the guard at the leaning tower at the leaning tower of pisa, the zulu tribes get microwaves and a free trip to antarctia to barbecue penguins underwater.
My giraffes all love me now for the pizza, anyway.
Sure, you may have won the chips, but I won the satisfaction of knowing you're touching chips that I tainted with chode paste.
Hey Sarge, how is that stuffed pie tasting now?
Your love is like ten pounds of warm Velveeta.
You're not my enemy, songman, but your drinking is
I like my women how I like my Bourbon, twelve years old and mixed up with coke!
You envy me, YOU WANT TO BE ME!
I lived here all my life, and I ain't afraid a no rolly coasta!
Like i said, Playboy knows I/O!
man, I was thinking of responding in the opposite way that you'd expect, but maybe that's too predictable.
I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don't pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.
Found a beetle in my bathroom that was about to fall into a heating vent. Swiped him up. Tailored him a little backpack out of a leaf and a thread. In the back pack: a Skittle and a AAA battery. That should last him. Sent him loose out by the front gate.
Pretty girl want us port to Macintosh? Us make pretty girl happy!
It's also funny because if a n00b asks you a question you need to put them down implicitly with pride obliterating sarcasm so that your friends in the channel can laugh at them.
Who's been putting the mescaline in the Microsoft kool aid?
DON'T YOU SMARTOFF TO A ROCKSTAR!
bumper: you're still officiating, right? Can I add another one to my pyrrhic victory column?
All facts start as dreams in the mind of a wizard.
I knew she'd come back to me ever since my experience points went into triple digits I've had to keep the ladies and Valkyries off with a two-handed plus-three broadsword.
Bow to your nitrogen-laden overlord!
whachatalkinbout? Don't bring that heresy into here. Join #ohemgee-elohel if you want to talk crazy.
But if you are waiting for Longhorn to unite your fridge with your stereo, or want to see what a blue screen of death looks like on your hot water system, you might be in for a long wait.
My grandmother encodes better than you delinquents!
Yes, on the moon nerds get their pants pulled down and they are spanked with moon rocks!
Ignignokt: Is your ego satisfied? Err: Damn no!
Well for one thing, the moon has one third less gravity than your earth, I don't know if you can understand that, but our vertical leap is beyond all measurement.
Ignignokt: Now wrap yourself around that rack of DVDs. Err: Smoke up!
I hope you can see this, because I'm doing it as hard as I can.
I'll bid on you til there's nothing left but crumbs! Then I'll bid on the crumbs
Dag, yo. sippin dat hennessy haterade '94 AINT NO LOVE AINT NO USE
The innocent shall suffer... big time.
Err: We get checks from the government and spend them on beer. Mexican beer! Ignignokt: That is the cheapest kind of beer.
The explosion shall be of extraordinary magnitude. Just hang on.
Ignignokt: Our god is a god of vengeance. A god of hate.
Err: A god of action!
Ignignokt: Our god is an Indian who can turn into a wolf and..
Err: Dude, that's Wolfen.
Ignignokt: Yes, well Wolfen will come after you, with his razor.
Err: A god of action!
Ignignokt: Our god is an Indian who can turn into a wolf and..
Err: Dude, that's Wolfen.
Ignignokt: Yes, well Wolfen will come after you, with his razor.
We do whatever we want whenever we want, at all times.
Here on the moon, our weekends are so advanced, they encompass the entire week.
Your jambox is now his, by way of our actions.
Ignignokt: No one can defeat the Quad Laser Err: Jumping is useless.
We don't listen to people who don't like us.
We forgot all about your needs, we were too busy fulfilling our own.
This pornography is infinitely excellent, this dresser however is not. Torch the dresser, Meatwad.
Prepare for a moon spanking. Now you drop those sweatpants right now!
Getting it is easy... filling it with illegal substances and sending it across the border is not!
No, it's about taking material goods when others aren't looking.
Alright, when I say your name, you say 'here.' And we will assume 'here' is short for 'here I am...rock you like a hurricane.
Your jambox is now his, by way of our actions!
I got out of the shower and Mrs. Bumper said "Don't kick the Chort?" Took me about 1/3 femtoseconds to figure that one out.
I'm not turning on an analog faucet to drink some barbaric water.
What is pwned means?
Please remember, folks, that swearing at people, directly insulting people posting comments or IE team member or similar will cause you comments to be deleted.
Ever notice how they never have to report to anybody on Star Trek? No suits zoom in from Star Fleet Corporate and hold them fiscally responsible for frying a dilithium crystal
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
I have my legendary invincible army of walking bread.
I could make the universe segfault if i wanted to!
I know you got the dorpsgek reputation to protect, but you don't have to try that hard!
< [Cadet]> How can you know for sure that a dog can't see in color? One tell you so?
< bumper2> Let 'em use photoshop. You'll see.
< bumper2> Let 'em use photoshop. You'll see.
They need to be turned into jerky for sale at tourist traps.
Pondering whether Windows will run on Apple's Intel hardware is like pondering if a Yugo body would fit on a Ferrari frame.
I'm stereographically blind!
The communists were mad about evolution and started a crazy campaign to force God to wipe out the dinousars with catapults and lightning.
Ayn Rand is that lady from biblical times who flew around in a magical phone booth and saved the dinosaurs from the communists, right?
i wondeR who hE's tALking about?
Debian GNU/Gypsobites: They're not just for kids anymore!
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Hurry, you thick-fingered Trolls. Two-edge has captured Ekuar!
I grew up in a giant refrigerator filled with oompa loompas!
Guns don't kill people, marshmallows kill people.
That's the sign of a good collecting sickness.
Flippant!? More like flip-out!
The journey to being lame is never over.
Don 'Knuckles' GiSottio owns the whole block. We have to pay him for protection on the bill from crap emo bands.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.
Do it with feeling this time, Cody, and I'll make the spiders in your brain go away!
Great seller! Who cared for me when I was sick? You got it - jazztime did.
You will be so married too once your baby's mamma takes her Lithium!
The key is to dish out as much written harm as possible.
If you can guess 3 of the foods in my retainer, I'll send you a free VEGETABLE.
marypoppins = ( superman + starship) / god
All music is largely subjective. I just have better taste than you. No seriously, these are just the albums that i have found over the years to be the most fun, innovative, emotional, genuine, uplifting, impressive and blah blah blah.
When i'm done with them, they're like 4's!
I think there's almost nothing I wouldn't do for a hot dog.
XML is like violence. If it's still not solving your problem, just use more.
Tri-core iridium deposits with a usb warp core and a gerbil wheel!
You need to get over here and help get all this beef jerky off the ceiling!
Find a knife or a pen and jam it in your eye; that's who Steve Morse is,
It was only a $1 coffee from the cafeteria. Do I still have to suffer another suggle?
Dear in-laws: the cost of this fiasco has now officially made a hitman a more economic investment. See you in hell. Love, truff
This slacking brought to you by new and improved Evening(tm) - now with more daylight!
X * Y/ Tuesday (purple + thumbtack) = styrofoam cup
What's the collective noun for people who work in banks? A wunch of bankers!
OK, you can stay here if you want to, but it's getting dark, and the ducks bite!
Keep me updated, I'll kick in his freakin' door
It is as if someone made a perfume that smells like dog poo and then sprayed that on a pile of actual dog poo." (Of course this is only a few unicode characters in my language)
It's peeeeeople! Taco Bell is Peeeeople!
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman.
IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
Note to self: www.manpages.com is NOT an online resource to get *nix man pages.
He got a little "I'm better than you", and said "well, that's what blazers cost". I said, "No they don't, because my dad owns several. If I told him I paid that much for any article of clothing that wasn't charged with magical powers, he'd punch me in my face and disinherit me."
Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.
I people person. Uh, work good with children. Uh, people like me. Because I force them to! With violence!
I'm like a hundredaire socialite out on the scene!
If you give me anything from that box, you're going to get a kick in the face with a ribbon on it.
Bamablance!
My rant quotient has really plummeted now that I mitya000 doesn't post much on austincommunity.
"Can you imagine what it would be like if the chinnese had 'Wheel of Fortune'? They got so many letters it would take days to finish one game! 'Yea, I'll take an upside-down house with a goat'"
Readers are advised to keep all electrical domestic appliances under lock and key this Xmas, lest they take advantage of the drunken Yule debauch to launch a concerted and co-ordinated attack on humanity. Be safe out there.
Fifty-one of my pennies are equivalent to one of your dollars. STOP TALKING AND GET DOWN HERE!
Drat and double drat! Tis true what they say, the rah-dio does add four-and-twenty stone to one's voice!
I'm just afraid that the Google Desktop Search tool will find that one Humperdink track that I borrowed from muh grandpeppy and alert the authorities.
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
I got the digital camera out, and waited for the five-second delay while it warmed up. What the hell was it doing? Were there elves inside the camera, preparing to inscribe the memory card with zeros and ones?
Back in my day, my data had a density of 2.3 Library of Congresses per Hogs head, and that's the way we liked it!
konsole implements several features from XFree86 xterm, though none of that is documented - except of course in its source code - apparently because its implementors are unaccustomed to reading documentation.
Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Lochness to blow Nessy out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessy Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
My my Farnsworth, that fellow hoyhoy is quite the cantankerous one tonight -eh, old boy?
Jer house blew away in teh tornadocane of ot-4.
I guess that's the downside of compulsion: when you've swabbed your eardrum 522 times, it's tough to make swab #523 really count. Which, again, is why an ear will ideally be swabbed 5,559,060,566,555,523 times.
You tell her that you love her more than a hungry man loves a basket of chicken
Yeah, it was the best show ever, there were fireworks,cheerleaders and a dinosaur!
yeah, screen's ^A^BT attempts to emulate Banach-Tarski, but this version does Banach-Starsky&Hutch
< yax> /dev/sda 11T 528K 11T 1% /mnt/floppy
I can be mean to a peanut for you!
Soundman: That's a lot of sound.
BJ: Well we're a lot of band!
BJ: Well we're a lot of band!
We're going to some of Bach's Well-Tempered Clavier because you don't want to be around a clavier that's not well-tempered. My cat had it once, and it was very painful.
These Bridge Boy Music CDs are a trip to the moon on gossamer wings!
I love the artwork on the Bridge Boy Music CD line. They make killer drink coasters!
I don't understand this f*&%$ing kind of music at all. I don't understand what anybody is doing up there. Every one of you got a long f*&%$in' way to go. Do you understand what I'm sayin'? What the f$%# you're doin' up there doesn't deserve to be called a 'name' band.
I used a BBM CD to shore up a short leg on my kitchen table. Now it's rock solid.
I carried a BBM CD around for over a year and it still smelled the same as it did the day I bought it.
Bridge Boy Music jazz CDs have 1/3 less notes than the regular jazz CDs and yet they still sound great.
omg i hav 23874134859034236798340 ewoks en mi casa pepperioni on my house plz with truckjammes plusgood!!!!
Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.
You have to feed and feed the hiccups until they turn into liver failure!
I NEED that "|", it's my IRC lifeforce!
I'd pick out movies that I'd always "been meaning to see" or "really ought to have seen" and then proceed to not watch them, just like I'd successfully done for free my whole life.
Hmmm... "everytime"? That's really a strong word. Could you program it, so it displays it in, hmmm... lets say 90% of cases?
Okay, a little preemptive response to my criticism of nested tables. They are wholly unrelational and have as much place in a RDBMS as a hacksaw in a McDonald's Happy Meal.
Well, to be brief, it's a maintenance nightmare and is akin to taking a shortcut through the minefield: you're pretty certain where all the mines are, but anyone following your path can get into a lot of trouble. I wonder if the defenders of this are the descendants of folks who complained about removing COBOL's ALTER verb. But I digress, here's yet another reason why empowering developers with things like variable variables is as safe as letting kids play with scalpels
Every day the tabloids scream banalities like "CAR AND LIMOUSINE SERVICE: HUGE TERROR LOOPHOLE" at me. I think it encourages continuing fear and unrest.
I like my terminals like my women: VT100 compatible with Tektronix extensions.
it's about time we got some GUI sugar to add to the bitter black hotness of our terminal windows.
Check the correction security patch from M$ Corporation!!!
Country.... GOOD! Gravity Test, BAD!
JOIN NOW OR PAY WITH ROBOT MEAT
Note: "Free" does not mean "public domain". "Free" doesn't mean you can sell it, put your name on it, or get the source code. "Free" just means you don't have to pay money for it.
Uugora and Mekmek have an intergalactic battle to try to steal each other souls.
Too much compression makes the music sound like it is being played on a transistor radio which has been wrapped in sponge and submerged in a goldfish bowl.
Hoyhoy is, in point of fact, nuts. In particular, he's those little slivers of almond on a cheese log.
Excellent. We've really good food there, honest. Salisbury steak is top notch.
Shuttle traveling nearly 18 times the speed of light.
No probalo!
My trolling would be a lot more sophisticated if it weren't for
my chronic misuse of homonyms and the fact that my brain
generates random babble faster than it can format it into proper
sentences.
my chronic misuse of homonyms and the fact that my brain
generates random babble faster than it can format it into proper
sentences.
I would have been kicked+banned long ago if only I could type as fast as I think of stupid things.
Let this be a warning to heedless tumbleweeds across Kansas and beyond: Cross the path of our super-charged Chevy Venture and your insolent highway tumbling will meet a most undignified end.
Hotmail is still not as efficient at blocking Gmail as Internet Explorer is efficient at unblocking pop-ups.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Are the first four years of "Modern Drummer" still to be considered "modern"?
Sometimes in the Summer I don't feel like getting out of bed because I'm in a Winter mood.
Oh I <3 wilforD BRimeLy. i <3 teh 0atM33l.
iGramophone. This useful innovation allows you to play your 78RPM records but at 78,000RPM and one minute mean time before failure.
Everyone knows that pixels are often generated thanks to the awesome power of Microsoft architecture.
I crys out and wants to make sweet, sweet love to machines everywhere.
If I ever get that kind of money I'm gettting a monitor capable of viewing a hoyhoy screenshot without scrolling.
There was an immeasurable distance between the quick and the dead: they did not seem to belong to the same species; and it was strange to think that but a little while before they had spoken and moved and eaten and laughed.
WELL IF I COULD AFFORD A 486 I WOULDN'T BE ON IRC!
A g0at cannot wear happy pants.
Therefore, I doubt it would have
much use for a rotating trout.
Therefore, I doubt it would have
much use for a rotating trout.
THE VISUALLY ATTRACTIVE and reassuringly expensive Steve Jobs has released the latest versions of Apple's MacOS X Panther and Panther server.
The wheel, fire, and electricity have made it to other parts of the world too!
Mmmmmmmmmm, grain-fed human.
Walt Whitman traveled across young America and helped it grow into the angry powerhouse it is today.
I can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I'm naked in the dark. There's nothing - no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes.
IT professionals spend 70% of their time maintaining existing systems. The other time is spent down the pub, flirting with other people in the "back office", complaining about end users and seeing what's on the TV tonight.
Yeah for real. Don't listen to mitya000, his pappy dropped him on his head when he was but a wee nipper. Then, he misspent his youth reading a lot H.L. Mencken. Also, he smells like cat food and twinkies.
...there is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
Wood or Network Router?
!s email INF0RM you TH@T Your Yahoo User ID (jperrie42@yahoo.com)
w1ll be BL0CKED after` 16 DAYS (@S @FTER autoomateed reegisttration) 1f Y0U will
N0T sign up 0N Yahoo` WHITE LIST. This_is _done_ beecause we update now` Yahoo` N0T autoomateed reegistered user_ids.
w1ll be BL0CKED after` 16 DAYS (@S @FTER autoomateed reegisttration) 1f Y0U will
N0T sign up 0N Yahoo` WHITE LIST. This_is _done_ beecause we update now` Yahoo` N0T autoomateed reegistered user_ids.
It is a little known fact, that Ms Spears is an expert in semiconductor physics. Not content with just singing and acting, in the following pages, she will guide you in the fundamentals of the vital laser components that have made it possible to hear her super music in a digital format.
Don't get mad, get even madder.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I read the newspapers avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction.
You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Do you slow down when you see a crash on the Superinformation Highway?
My credit card is suffering from swipe fatigue.
no data lo..2#@#$@#2323NO CARRIER
this page was made using vi in unix. anything else is encouraged because unix is pretty hard lol. i wish i could afford dreamweaver.
the last time she was this stupid was when she said that she wasnt going to become a vegetarian so i punched her in the face. peta was right all along, non-vegetarians are cruel.
When Gary's not running errands he can be found conjuring the elements to enforce Justice. A wiz with numbers, Gary often lends a hand at the t-shirt table. He can reign fire.
&::('*')::($alice ~ '_misc')::Bob::doit(1,2,3)
Also, follow other instructions that don't make sense. Eat a book!
The "bishop" came to our church today. I think he was an impostor though. Not once did he move diagnonally.
Please don't use my C++ to cure cancer, I can get in big trouble for that!
Three days without petting a lamb usually precedes losing your yacc.
This is some good ice!
Tony is Italian. He thinks Bela Fleck is good. Why, oh dear god, Why?
I ate Interpoleos for breakfast this morning!Fortified with 7 depressing vitamins and angsty minerals! Hey Kids! Look inside for your very own Bad Teenage Poetry Kit!
New V-Drums out now; Lots of coppers required. Visa bill insane.
I'm in charge of ensuring that all the windows updates are applied to this linux box.
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.
Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
...And it'll be you and me wearing masks playing really odd time signatures. I'mma bang a frying pan with a fork
No, the measures only line up at three parts
in the song, all the other times, it's polyrhythms or cacophony.
in the song, all the other times, it's polyrhythms or cacophony.
First you'll need a well stocked tool-box of data implements.
Things you'll need are: Data-grinder, USB-wrenches, card tong, cryptokeys (forged), zip pliers, Defragmagneto, BIOS chisel, CPU lubricant, a weld and a datamachine to modify.
Things you'll need are: Data-grinder, USB-wrenches, card tong, cryptokeys (forged), zip pliers, Defragmagneto, BIOS chisel, CPU lubricant, a weld and a datamachine to modify.
When the discs have finally come lööse, keep them in order and don't mixem up
If you have Windows on your Data machine, You'll find the OS on the top disc, you'll recognize it easily, it's much heavier then the rest of the discs. If you use Linux, then you'll of course don't need to do this operation at all...
If you have Windows on your Data machine, You'll find the OS on the top disc, you'll recognize it easily, it's much heavier then the rest of the discs. If you use Linux, then you'll of course don't need to do this operation at all...
Any opinions expressed on this page are not in fact mine but were forced on me at gunpoint by the University of Auckland.
I should control Cole with a microchip on his head with a BASIC program that makes him bite people.
I NEVER rely on my own memory, as I have determined that is not only faulty, but actively working against me.
Personally, I like sendmail. I'm rather proud of being able to hand-edit /etc/mail/sendmail.cf. I also know a guy who is proud of being able to crush full beer cans against his forehead. Neither is something ou really want to brag about, however.
It's hard to make money on selling microprocessors when your ASP is $50. You might as well sell curling irons at that point.
How could a competing company ever hope to reverse-engineer the 1/4" to mini plug? It's like reverse-engineering light!
Honestly, this goat is neither a member of Opposite Day nor named Chester Copperpot. He will eat your shoe, however, if needed to.
Heck, we want one so we can hear the front door bell go rather than being drowned out by fans whirring on the XP2000+ we use for day to day jobs.
These are my good clothes! I'm goin' to a
weddin'!!!
weddin'!!!
Bagel, Bagel, made of grain, personified
product, of the food-chain.
product, of the food-chain.
Asking the wrong question is the leading cause of wrong answers.
In our experience, *all* computer experts drink. That's usually how they ended up as computer experts...
I'm sorry, at this time we can not process your request. All cancellation
requests must be written in Kanji, include your father's maiden name, and
the name of the girl who sat beside you during third grade math class.
Please resubmit your cancellation request at your earliest convenience.
requests must be written in Kanji, include your father's maiden name, and
the name of the girl who sat beside you during third grade math class.
Please resubmit your cancellation request at your earliest convenience.
We have gone from a world of concentrated knowledge and wisdom to one of distributed ignorance. And we know and understand less while being increasingly capable.
There are only two things universal: hydrogen and stupidity.
Then, I pour hot carmel over your head and turn you into a candy apple!
Gee, your site sucks. I bet I get more unique visitors in my bedroom in one night than your site gets in a year.
Most people say sex, I say seven.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
i kick all da weaversand i smak dem hoesgettin krunk all dayyou know how it goesunh
Like much code that drops fully-formed from academia, most of it looks incomprehensibly like crashed saucer technology.
ALERTE!!! Vous avez envoye un mail avec virus!
Imma wear dis toast as a hat! Will you like me better then?
My website is slowly being rebuilt whenever I find some time to waste. I wonder who's wasting more time? Me building or you visiting.
If This Gun Were Real, I Could Shoot You and Sleep in the Big Bed With Mommy
Create your own barrier to protect yourself against interaction with people. It's easy and fun!
YOU TEH TIPERIEST GOODER MAN EYE EVAR MTE
If I met you in a scissor fight, I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone.
The Vole has some Canadian lawyers named Smart And Biggar who trawl the webways in the hunt for anything vaguely resembling the word "Microsoft". When they spot something, they fire off a thick wad of legal papers threatening all sort of catastrophes unless the owner of a given site cease, desist and hand over the name of the site to the smart-biggars.
It all fits together in a nice German way.
It scares me that there are 1300 more "Iceboys" on AOL.
Abandoned by his parents at age 3, he'd led a life of hard knocks, and, armed with his V-Drums made from old soup cans and chicken bones, needed a way to vent the frustrations of a misspent youth.
Robert's cost would be a little bit more for VeggieBeers served in a
thrice-recycled can.
thrice-recycled can.
The idea that you have to build everything on gentoo is entirely a misnomer. You don't actually build anything, you keep compiling, never actually reaching a full gentoo system.
...because earthlink hates "Internet Pollution" as much as I do!
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history...with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
209,565 real men came to this page and left convinced of my astute observation of their kind.
<waldo> i just learned how to look at event logs!
<@wade> I just learned that a shovel is the tool of the devil
Of course, everyone needs "Homebuying for Dummies" and a complimentary lesson in Krav Maga to fight like an Israeli soldier unless you're a home owner who is in the Israeli Army.
These'll grow ya' some nice fish corn bushes!
I am Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
What if his rocket goes out
of control and hits a school bus full of nuns.
of control and hits a school bus full of nuns.
The inverted hoofenplat bisects the schlangofloof traversing all points and vertices combined frationally.
I don't wanna ever hear no more about no pedals or ill eat your drums too!
Mental instability is your main problem. Everything else is just a symptom of that.
While you're at it you could build a second machine running a couple of Athlon 64s in parallel and see how fast your emails open up then.
< IXJ159> what are the wireless networks bands 802.11.a, b, and g?
<@B|GZ> I use the 'wtf' band a lot
<@B|GZ> I use the 'wtf' band a lot
Wi-Fi is as secure as your virginity in the Zone, in Old Taipei.
Although my grandmother has about 300GB of warez, hackz, crackz, cheatz, pr0n, and MP3s stored away on her nitrogen-cooled dual-RAID systems, she is no thief. She's simply keeping them for a friend.
I heard that iBooks can only be used in Starbucks.
Any technology which creates abundance poses problems for any process which existed to benefit from scarcity.
At this point in my life, I don't care if I'm in any trouble or not.
You're like a spider with a huge web, and they are retarded flies.
l33tw00tELOHELtehubar
You popped your logic cherry.
Receiving thousands of emails from slow-witted boorish morons can be amusing sometimes.
If there is a fire without carnage, what was the point of the fire?
Ambient intelligence has thus far failed to remove the grizzly signs of a hangover from the morning's reflection, we note.
BOW TO ME! I'M AM THE BUCKETHEAD!
<@Moonwick> man, I'm getting tired of FreeBSD security advisories.
<hoyhoy> I'm indifferent to security advisories.
<bumper> I'm lukewarm to your indifference.
<hoyhoy> I'm indifferent to security advisories.
<bumper> I'm lukewarm to your indifference.
Lawd jesus...what IS that? That's not a web site!
Dude you must know nothing about imports. That car has at least 30 stickers on it. At 10 HP per sticker that car has over 300 hp plus the stock 60. The exhaust would add 50 hp and the spoiler 20 hp. That car has to be a total of 430 horsepower. Any import racer knows its a 10 second car.
You know what I always say? Punch their kittens in the throat!
If I can fit in your mammy's bed, I can fit in Maryland.
Now what are you going to do? Cry about it...Fatty?
We want Extreme Segway and we want it now.
14:14 <hoyhoy> /exec emp_gun fire university of dayton -intensity 10.2345 -frequency 2404.128 MHz
14:14 <hoyhoy> oops
14:15 -!- SteakUM03_ [SteakUM03@login.oscar.aol.com] has quit [Leaving...]
14:14 <hoyhoy> oops
14:15 -!- SteakUM03_ [SteakUM03@login.oscar.aol.com] has quit [Leaving...]
I'm going deep into the meadow to be touched at an angle!
Or are you in Nebraska? Which is very much like jail.
It's taking the state so long to complete 183 because every stone support beam has to be engraved with a Texas star.
The wait i'm typing..i think i have scramble.pl in my brain
OMG, Office 2003 just upped my productivity 192%
I was seduced by the Brazilian toungue.
He's like Meatloaf and Cher combined!
Pi - The fragrance for mathematicians - a special aromatic blend of pheremones to compensate for mild social retardation.
!#/usr/bin/wtfwasidoing
[The RIAA] is like the show-business equivalent of the Taliban.
And Nintendo - creators of such blood filled orgies of violence as Mario and Pokemon.
I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Whilst dexterously holding the Gudgeon assemblage betwixt the fingers, offer it up to the Crankshaft.
This isn't just IRC anymore.. That's like 10 years ago... This is REAL LIFE now!
Sorry... Can't do the old man, but the ants, that's doable.
The intarweb is my work.
I AM THE SOUP! BOW TO ME!
Willy-nilly pimpadelic uber-nougat.
Tony can only play drums when he wears his shoes with the roses on them.
Among the positions in which pigeons have served capably are replacement air traffic controllers, butterfly ballot counters and pro football referees during the "no-instant replay" years.
f u cn rd ths u hv bn sld a bk wth n vwls
Sometimes it's best not to be involved in a creative situation with the person who controls whehter or not you get any.
I invented the intraweb.
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Hey, thanks! Friendster provides a needeed creative outlet for me. If not for friendster I would have to go back to lying in police reports.
He was way ahead of the curve in incorporating numerics into his name too.
I thought it was great that somebody had finally made a record of a mad scientist.
Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work.
I am trying to use the weapons of a disoriented and unhappy society against itself.
Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
When the power goes out, I curse everybody, I curse God. I curse Saddam Hussein. And I curse the Americans.
<@hoyhoy> using openbsd as a desktop is kind of like putting a whistle on a plow, not many people do it, but, ultimately, it's not very worthwhile.
< waldo|home*gt; um.. explain?
<@hoyhoy> exactly
< waldo|home*gt; um.. explain?
<@hoyhoy> exactly
I am new in America! Thank you eBay for wonderful wife! I will beat her often!
We'd suggest the Federal Government get Intel to write the operating systems. Chipzilla is very good at this, you know. Plus it is untainted by antitrust convictions. And it knows about electricity, too.
We're not The Star, every page of which seems to show a scantily clad lady, combined with a story about soccer star David Beckham and some daft article about mobile phones.
We do hope that both TMTA and AMD are paying their engineers enough and not just splurging the whole lot on marchitecture, on logos or fancy names like E-fission.
No one likes to be ignored, but some people need it.
Liberal use of expletives, shouting, and slamming down the phone tends to expedite your trouble ticket's resolution.
There would be no average intelligence level if 50% of the population was not BELOW
average intelligence.
average intelligence.
I fully undestand the grassroots and communal nature of this beast, but a haiku by the idiotic is not helping anyone.
I go skinnydipping and think of you when the fish are nibbling my reef.
I know from the emails I get that a fair number of you are holed up in Wyoming basements surrounded by automatic weapons, livestock and racks of cassettes filled with analysis of the Book of Revelations you've recorded off talk radio.
Personally, I wouldn't have cared if Richard showed up in a clown suit, but you have to admit that introducing your lectures by demonstrating Bulgarian folk dancing could easily be viewed as unprofessional by the more staid members of the audience. Even if you were wearing a tie.
If it ain't broke, it will be soon.
Schools and prisons are the two places where the boundaries of opression are explored for later use in the populace.
moo(){ moo|moo& };moo
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake
Corollaries:
(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
Corollaries:
(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
Have you ever noticed that one of the hardest things to do in life is to paint a mustache on a bear?
/etc/hosts. H-O-S-T-S, _not_ H-O-S-T-E-S-S, the latter makes low-cost baked goods and/or seats you at a restaurant, the former resolves domain names.
You smell like some $bling.
I thought it was nice to be able so far to someone else's country in the
Far East to show how the culture has evolved where your from. To go there
in the name of music 'cause a lot of times when people travel that far,
like from the military, and you have high rank and stuff, it's about war.
It was nice to be able to go there and celebrate our differences. You
know, like when we went there, we wanted to hear their indigenous music.
We could go and hear them do the American thing, but to hear where their
roots were from was really interesting. And to travel so far to celebrate
the differences was cool, the idea that we have come all this way, and
we're not coming to blow up anybody.
Far East to show how the culture has evolved where your from. To go there
in the name of music 'cause a lot of times when people travel that far,
like from the military, and you have high rank and stuff, it's about war.
It was nice to be able to go there and celebrate our differences. You
know, like when we went there, we wanted to hear their indigenous music.
We could go and hear them do the American thing, but to hear where their
roots were from was really interesting. And to travel so far to celebrate
the differences was cool, the idea that we have come all this way, and
we're not coming to blow up anybody.
You have to give your audience some credit for intelligence. I think that people enjoy listening to music that's a bit more complex. A lot of people might not know that they would enjoy it if they had a chance. So, it's unfortunate that it's hard to get the music to those people.
Sometimes we'll do clinics and they want to know how we do what we do. And I say, a lot of times it's not so much how you did it, it's that you did it at all.
I'm afraid that computing science has suffered from the popularity of the
Internet. It has attracted an increasing - not to say: overwhelming! -
number of students with very little scientific inclination and in research
it has only strengthened the prevailing and somewhat vulgar obsession with
speed and capacity.
Internet. It has attracted an increasing - not to say: overwhelming! -
number of students with very little scientific inclination and in research
it has only strengthened the prevailing and somewhat vulgar obsession with
speed and capacity.
Too few people today recognize that the high technology so celebrated
today is essentially a mathematical technology.
today is essentially a mathematical technology.
I don't need to waste time with a computer because I am a computer
scientist.
scientist.
All the good music has already been written by guys with wigs and stuff.
I am sincerely apologetic... Please please take it down. If you any shred of decency please. This is all wrong. Please take it off.
You were nice to me. Yes you were. Very thoughtful. Few people are that decent.
Knowledge will forever govern ignorance, and a people who mean to be their own governors, must arm themselves with the power knowledge gives.
The Pope bought his Pope Hat on eBay. You didn't know that, did u? OUTSTANDING!
You can be thankful that Iomega's CEO doesn't seem to be like SCO's, otherwise they would have despatched a team of rabid lawyers parachuting over Panasonic's Tokyo offices by now.
Thirteen out of 5 greeks agree LCDs are better than enuchs.
In my case, these delusions of grandeur usually pass in a few hours time. A good night's sleep should help too.
manager: are you busy?
employee: does it involve more money for me?
manager: no.
employee: then I'm busy.
employee: does it involve more money for me?
manager: no.
employee: then I'm busy.
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
If I wanted some excitement in my life, I'd take up bungee jumping. Updating glibc is crazy.
I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Three out of 7 geeks disagree that BSD may or may not be better than Linux.
Sniff glue, worship stan, drink beer.
I'm not a robot like you. I don't like having disks crammed into me, unless they're Oreos, and then, only in the mouth.
Oil drains? Riatas' got it!
mlui> what's yr address?
jperrie> 723490werihdhjsdfu90123901 9012134012 sfh as s
mlui> i will send it there then.
jperrie> do it!
jperrie> I'll get it.
jperrie> they send everything with insane addresses to me.
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up
the pillow was gone.
the pillow was gone.
We believe that, performance wise, this chipset and dual DDR 400 support will make notebooks go like the clappers, as we don't say in Bosnia.
If my office had a urinal I would never leave.
Like almost everyone, I receive a lot of spam every day, much of it offering to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It's ridiculous.
I happen to like the refined flavor of potted meat.
I'm not paying anyone to wash my hands.
Once, there was a young frnht in a village
far far away. Then he sprouted horns and retired to a brothel to grow cabbages. The end.
far far away. Then he sprouted horns and retired to a brothel to grow cabbages. The end.
Thanks man! I just about had it with that talking toaster.
Boy, you sure are stupid. Were you making up names of files or what? I mean, I've seen some pretend file names in my day, but come on! it's like you're not even trying. In closeing, go away.
Broken Gates!? Riata's Got It!
If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10
apostles.
apostles.
I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet trucks. But to be brutally frank, women as a group have a long way to go before they reach the level of intensity and dedication to sports that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it
once was ... an arctic wilderness.
once was ... an arctic wilderness.
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest
in a yak.
in a yak.
He who findeth sensuous pleasures in the bodies of lush, hot, pink
damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for
the people.
the people.
Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
All a hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair of UUOs, and a warm
place to shift.
place to shift.
Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
Western science.
religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
Western science.
Disco is to music what an Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
The person with one watch knows what time it is, the person with two watches is never sure.
I have discovered that all human evil comes from this - man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Include the entire text with your article, and include your comments
between the lines. Be sure to post, and not mail, even though your article
looks like a reply to the original. Everybody *loves* to read those long
point-by-point debates, especially when they evolve into name-calling and
lots of "Is too!" -- "Is not!" -- "Is too, twizot!" exchanges.
between the lines. Be sure to post, and not mail, even though your article
looks like a reply to the original. Everybody *loves* to read those long
point-by-point debates, especially when they evolve into name-calling and
lots of "Is too!" -- "Is not!" -- "Is too, twizot!" exchanges.
There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're talking
about.
about.
NOTICE: Anyone seen smoking will be assumed to be on fire and will be summarily put out.
Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes
a-begging.
a-begging.
## why, dear god, why?
rm -f $RPM_BUILD_ROOT%{_datadir}/aclocal/gob2.m4
rm -f $RPM_BUILD_ROOT%{_datadir}/aclocal/gob2.m4
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
Bikinis are a crucial part towards developing peace in the Middle East.
There is no agenda, but Rudi will be bringing a pesto yogurt cheese torte. If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what would.
One time we were all bombed-out drinking and tried to cluster 16 Zaureses at Circuit City in a failed and misguided attempt to get listed on top500.org.
fo oh fo
Are you the Associate Service Specialist for Hardware and Technology aka A.S.S.H.A.T. for your company?
I'd call it "Windex." Or do you think some other company has already trademarked that name?
Vannila Ice is the exact opposite of Hot Chocolate.
Basic web surfing means navigating through web sites whose inspiration for their baroque overdesign seems to have been Donald Trump's wedding cake.
If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.
What this world needs is more mathematicians and more Sadaam Husseins.
Dull people talk about other people, average people talk about events, and intelligent people explore ideas.
Fuller Breasts, Guaranteed. Try it the natural way.
<Saxgod> The rules for Fight Club are much more exciting then the rules for Sam's Club.
The waffle iron is a nice feature, but it KILLS the battery.
The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
Butter tastes so good on bread. I enjoyed the sample you sent. I didn't share.
Crustaceans live in the ocean. You're not like them! B-
I was once told that HOTDOGS are the foods of CHAMPIONS. Then I tripped and fell.
I'm originally from Japan. Becky8 rhymes with vegetable drawer in Japanese.
The box you sent was open-proof. I had to use a BIG KNIFE and act MENACING. Bad!
Has intestinal FORTITUDE!!! Eats PORTIONED meals!!! Enjoys NOURISHMENT!!!
Rainbows are pretty, I don't know why I shoot at them.
World's Wildest Backup Failures
You are not welcome here. Please leave now.
Small fonts maximize the bandwidth through my ocular interface.
I am like a flower. If no one protects me, I will die soon.
Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.
I was firing a handgun into my bathtub filled with water to complete my experiments.
Oxymoron of the day: Government Organisation
Where is the recycle bin in dos?
<FreshBrew> IM DONT MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
<kolby> you still in english?
<kolby> you still in english?
<Marcus28> Triangle Audio out of Rectangle, TX.
<Marcus28> They are in a small circular building in Diamond Square.
<Marcus28> They are in a small circular building in Diamond Square.
Lollygagging is _not_ a form of Dutch Pornography.
<wade> lean pockets taste terrible
<dtj> not if you slather them in butter
<dtj> not if you slather them in butter
This is the sort of English up with which I shall not put
Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backward.
I'd better quit before my jaw gets knocked slonchwise.
Wireless Internet helps learning about as much as wired Internet increases my productivity.
Debugging is at least twice as hard as writing the program in the first place. So if your code is as clever as you can possibly make it, then by definition you're not smart enough to debug it.
ARE YOU FED UP of living life your own way? Do you get withdrawal symptoms every time you step away from Outlook? Are you convinced that Microsoft doesn't control enough of your life? Fear not! The beast of Redmond is about to invade it even more.
4ny0n3 h4v3 w1nd03Z Xp33 3r33t 3d1701n? 1'm 3r33t h4x0rZ!!!!11!!!1
You should understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the language of the 'streets' as it were.
The first time he opened a box of Cheerios he thought they were donut seeds.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war.
No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
I read the newspapers avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction.
Together we add up, divided we're just a fraction.
So engrossed was the Butcher he heeded them not, as he wrote with a pen in each hand.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I'd like 10 mg of Zorbanthanol and 5 mg of Triglyptomax please.
My cervix has super regenerative capability.
We thought people who used Apple Macs used the machines as their personalities....
Hard drives, scanners, printers, keyboards, all crap. Strangely enough, now that I think of it, there seems to be an exception: monitors. Back in the days when you could use a HP scanner to pound a LaserJet under a house (without damaging either one) to support a sagging foundation, monitors were really expensive, and it seemed like I had to replace them often. It's been a long time since I had to replace a monitor for any reason other than "I want to."
Tough. We will keep billing you for several more months to ensure we get
our money's worth. If you don't like it, get another job to pay for it.
our money's worth. If you don't like it, get another job to pay for it.
Our poetry is strong. Your poetry is for wusses.
U.S. government officials would serve as 'shadow ministers' to oversee Baghdad's bureaucracies." American education bureaucrats would likewise "obtain payroll lists and assess teacher salaries," and no doubt advise Iraq's teachers on the finer points of dulling young and potentially seditious minds beyond the point of redemption.
Even if Bill Gates was dead, we don't particularly see why share prices should fall anyway, but then no one understands how stock exchanges work, least of all traders and financial analysts.
re: real nappies not fitting - we couldn't get our lad into
them for about 3 months after he was born because of his
crash diet and subsequent refusal to put on weight. We
explained to him about biodegrading, etc, but he was so
rude, kept going "waa waa waaaa"
them for about 3 months after he was born because of his
crash diet and subsequent refusal to put on weight. We
explained to him about biodegrading, etc, but he was so
rude, kept going "waa waa waaaa"
My government rained hellfire on a third-world country and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
If there were a building that stood for grammatical integrity, this email would be the plane that crashed into it.
What I don't understand is why they repeat the news so often if they supposedly have so much news to report that it's necessary to scroll additional news across the bottom.
My MTV addict daughter has finally conceded that I have indeed succeeded in making my garden more interesting than tv - and it's all down to Beckith's superb guide. Stephanie was enthralled as I filled the garden with posters of consumer goods and junk food and skateboarded into a barrel of toxic effluent.
I think as a homage to Steve Bourne we should accept # as the true comment format. Did you ever see Bourne Identity? Steve Bourne could seriously whoop BWK, DMR, and Stroutstrup at the same time.
I've always been a fan of *not* commenting at all, *not* using carriage returns, making ample use of the ? operator, and performing as many operations as possible in parameter lists. This insures job security and makes mere mortals aware of your ninja-like coding ability.
IBMers and Ph.D's are typically low risk in terms of bustin the place up.
I would tell the spammer in no uncertain terms that spammers' days are numbered, just like junk faxers and other scam artists who exploited a brief window of vulnerability. Of course, then the spammer would laugh in my face because that's what sociopaths like to do when confronted. But, as the expression goes, we'll see who laughs last.
Is involution.com headquarters your pantalones?
You're getting schmagma on your Sacagawea!
if you kill the joe, make some mo' | I got some pineapple fanta and YOU don't
I don't care what you say about our Military, they buy damn good jacket liners.
Don't bring that weak-ass stuff up in this humpty bumpy! You kill the joe, you make some moe! You know that baby! Else you in fo' a long day! A looooooong day!
This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.
Does it make you kind of mad that you have to reason with me while I'm wearing this enormous balloon hat?
...and trogdor smote the kerrek. and all was laid to burnination.
Violins are the first refuge of the incontinent.
Violence is the first refuge of the incoherent.
Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent.
When I was a kid, all my parents gave me was a brick to play with. If I complained about the brick, my dad would drop kick me in the throat and I'd realize how ungrateful I was being.
I've decided that from now on, every time I see the phrase "save a tree, send an email," I'm going to promptly crumple up a clean sheet of paper and throw it away, just out of spite.
Computers ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FRIENDLY. They're meant to be complex and intimidating. If you can't figure it out, you fail. You're off the team.
Nothing's greater than positive infinity, except maybe a ham sandwich. That reminds me of a joke...
Engineering and Computer Science people make lots of money; Math people live happy lives.
It turns out that Kodak slide carosels rotate in the same direction in both hemispheres
Higher clock speed is is a negative rather than positive.
Wowee its cold!
A real engineer needs only two tools: WD-40 if it sticks, duct tape if it doesn't. Everything else is just details.
I'm still in a quandry as to whether I like pastrami or not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Howzat?
There's no need for college, we could all be subsistence farmers.
I carry a death-ray in my fanny pack.
I got a Super Galacticacon 3.49X Star Treck Phaser-ignited holideck player.
This email campaign seems akin too dropping specially trained pigeons that can deliver a payload direct to politicans' noddles, in a coordinated attack with ninja mice on politicians' toes.
If you're wearing a jacket or using a blanket, please be sure that the seatbelt is fastened on the outside so I won't have the pleasure of waking you.
Everything left onboard the aircraft after you depart will be equally divided among the flight attendants.
If you're seated next to a child or an adult acting like a large child please put on your mask then assist the other person.
By 2010, microprocessors will have the processing power of the brain of a bumblebee.
Now I now what fast food is: GARBAGE.
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old peoples' medicine for fuel. WARNING: Persons denying the existence of robots may be robots themselves.
I reckons that after a point has been argued for more than 10 posts or so every one should switch sides.
Don't worry about anything... Go out and have a good time.
Vomiting is the body's way of telling you there's room for more alcohol.
I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.
I once thought that I'd start the company "Thift Watch".
Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, "within reason." When I asked her what she meant by "within reason," she said, "You ask a lot of questions for a garbage man."
Your root authority is a subset of my root authority.
Yes, I'm sure Jesus does love me, but how does he feel about you defacing public property to tell me so?
The time it takes your favorite application to complete a given task doubles with each new revision.
Europe is the birthplace of the Web, with a wealthy, technically literate population, a network infrastructure that rivals that of the US and a rich cultural and political tradition which can counter US constitutional imperialism.
Design and programming are human activities; forget that and all is lost.
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do.
You are bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
Never fight an inanimate object.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Does the security chip prevent the robots from becoming sentient?
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
When I grow-up, I want to be a computer
Optimized with Microsoft Intellispeed Technology
THANK YOU FOR YOUR FORM LETTER BUT IF I HAD MONEY FOR A PHONE I WOULD NOT BE EATING YORU SOUPS NOW WOULD I
My phat grooves are so money that you don't even know it.
I have a phat groove too, please don't touch it...
Please send me a case of diet coke, four sugar free twinkies, one bag of Iam's adult formula cat food, and seventeen dollars in mixed Croatian coins. Then I'll consider sending you the information you requested.
I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.... One day I got a call... it was from a woman in France.... She said "Cut it out"....
I am a programmer. On my 1040 form, this is what I put down as my occupation.
My doctor was telling me I had ADD. He said, ADD is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah. I didn't pay attention to the rest.
He's got the heart of a child, and he keeps it in a jar on his desk
/* you are not expected to understand this */
hoyhoy>warlock, you're age won't be a prime number again until 2/11/2005
warlock> Thank you, Tony Perrie, Numerologist!
hoyhoy> I guess that means you've passed your prime.
warlock> Thank you, Tony Perrie, Numerologist!
hoyhoy> I guess that means you've passed your prime.
The odds on a compression claim turning out to be true are always identical to the compression ratio claimed.
If you've been pounding nails with your forehead for years, it may feel strange the first time someone hands you a hammer. But that doesn't mean that you should strap the hammer to a headband just to give your skull that old familiar jolt.
With the crummy raises Sandia's giving, it's getting hard to steal enough office equipment to keep up with inflation.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
For dogs, surely, Ginger is proof of God's infinite love and generosity.
When it comes to computer security, paranoia is not enough.
There is no key. There is never a key! You don't need one. Not if you're the real McCoy! Not if you can clockchip your car computer to get an extra two miles an hour out of the old Rustang before it drops it's driveshaft after the excess vibration. Not if you remember the heady days of a card punch machine that was so loud it had the pensioners down the road digging trenches and sorting out their meat rations.
I don't have an attention-span anymore, except for candies.
Last night, I was putting down a 20 oz Yoohoo, eating some beef jerky, and installing Redhat 7.2 on a 1 GHz Athlon with 1024 MB of memory. Life doesn't get much better than that.
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.
When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive.
You are caller 473. Your call will be handled in a similiar order to the way cards get dealt in Freecell.
The US TV news channels are a byword abroad for tacky sensationalism and cheap sentimentality, and for generally being dumber than a dumb bell...
Think about a school teacher with a piece of chalk and a blackboard competing with the minds of children inundated with commercials that have million dollar production values for 30 seconds...
If you set road kill on fire, and shoot it with a gun, it makes a pretty cool explosion.
Stereotype? Hell... They're all that way!
"Woot" is derived from the original canterbury tales manuscript, on page 234, the quote, "Thee haveth some woot soup". It has since been used by the elite haX0r community as an adjective or even as an objective to exclaim the "coolness" or "good karma" of something. Also, I just made all of this up.
Everyday life, supersaturated with images and jingles, makes intellectual life look hopelessly sluggish, burdensome, difficult. In a video-game world, the play of intellect the search for validity, the willingness to entertain many hypotheses, the respect for difficulty, the resistance to hasty conclusions looks like retardation.
I don't know what browser i'm using... What is a browser? I have AOL. Does that help any?
Christmas touches me in a special way. The way it touches me is so special that I'm almost ashamed.
Bob Ney is a nabob.
It's going to blow up like E-Nitro!
Owwwwww! I'm funky
Are you enough with computers around you all the time? you are going to be in IBM with millions of expensive computers already.... do you need this but something else to make your life more interesting??
We had corn, and lots of it too. Mama said we could eat corn until we turned into corn ourselves... Yep it was the breastsummer I can remember... Sucka.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Rise little dough ball!
We're gettin our Pokemon Snack On!
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15."I said, "the middle of August? Cool!"
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
People are always talkin' bout that Internet and them Y2K bugs and we had potato bugs once, but they didn't cause no crashin' er nothin', but Uncle Earl did wreck the tractor into the barn once, but that wasn't caused by no 'tater bugs.
It's just a country town but patients come from Mobile to Moline from miles around Nagodoches to New Orleans in beat-up old cars or in limousines to meet the doctor of soul, he's got his very own thing.
Everything I need to know, I learned in Sniper school.
It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.
You do the lookin' I'll do the cookin'
Ghetto or boujay?
Whenever possible, steal code.
You need a diploma to work at McDonalds. I heard some things.
Laugh while you can, Monkey Boy...
Don't make me repeat myself in my own house
On a Scale of 1 to 10: It was kick ass!
Plan to throw one away, you will anyhow.
Plan to throw one away, you will throw away two.
Please don't empty my brain! I spent my whole life trying to fill it up!
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
There ain't no rules around here! We're trying to accomplish something!
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?"I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it."
Well, I've never worked as a mechanic, but this is one thing I do know. When you jack up the rear end of the tractor to replace the muffler bearings, you gotta remember to unscrew the race out, COUNTER clockwise (remember: rightie tightie, leftie loosie). UNLESS you are SOUTH of the equator, in which case, you need to unscrew the race CLOCKwise. The threads are reversed...it has something to do with the correallis effect and heavy gravity...or something like that. If you get confused, just watch the direction the water drains out of a bathtub. It's reversed south of the equator. Honest
A career is a job that has gone on too long.
Consequences, shmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
A polar bear is just a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
I believe that you should live every day as if it were your last which is why I don't have any clean laundry because c'mon who wants to do laundry on the last day of your life
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . oohh, that's much better
So, I walk backstage, and there he was, Chester Burnett, the inventor of Rock and Roll. I had a brand new Stratocaster with me, and I hold it up to him, and say, "Man!.. Play my guitar." He turns around and says, "F*** off."
What I can not create I can not understand.
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Actually I'm not very proud of that period, but it kept me out of school y'know. One would say that it kept me off the streets, but I have to say that it kept me out of school.
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
The only true standard is death.
The only use I can find for vi is editing the emacs sources while porting them to a new machine.
After three days without programming, life becomes meaningless.
No, it is a very interesting number, it is the smallest number expressible as a sum of two cubes in two different ways.
The Feynman Problem-Solving Algorithm: (1) write down the problem; (2) think very hard; (3) write down the answer.
So what if I'm trading Quicken for a waterbed! You're turn signal doesn't even work.
It may well wait a century for a reader, as God has waited six thousand years for an observer.
If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs.
You see things and say 'Why?'; but I dream things that never were and I say 'Why not?'
If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is looking, then kick a burning log out of the fireplace onto the carpet. Then jump on top of it with your body and yell, "Log o' fire! Log o' fire!" I've never done this, but I think it'd work.
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
I want to get a tatoo of myself on my entire body only 2" taller
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
Computer science is not as old as physics; it lags by a couple of hundred years. However, this does not mean that there is significantly less on the computer scientist's plate than on the physicist's: younger it may be, but it has had a far more intense upbringing!
I know how to count to 10 in Ichythian. Unfortunately, there are no Ichythians around to appreciate this feat….. or tell me if I’m wrong.