Quotes
The Bible is just a weird fun house mirror where you get stare in it and whatever aspects of it are the most pleasing to you get magnified by this psychotic doctrine.
The purpose of religion is to extract money and power from a broken, gullible, and enraged population.
You feel chilled because you have no character. You’re a depressing assemblage of pop culture influences and canceled emotions, driven by the sputtering engine of only the most banal form of capitalism.
He promised "to rip the smooth white skin off American literature and expose the spreading tumor of spineless, suburban, mediocre 'fiction' that is eating the weak, atrophied muscle of art, and then clean the wound I made with the chewing maggots of my words."
It’s kind of like four clowns driving a clown car and each one has a steering wheel and at any time two of them are sad and there’s no food.
Man's existence insofar as he achieves anything is to resist power.
The reality is that humanity is composed of very shoddy and imperfect clay. Human-beings are shocked like a bathtub full of electric eels when they come into contact with even the vaguest shred of actual reality and truth. People love to live in delusion. They are sheep. They are lost little lambs begging and crying for a shepherd usually in jackboots. Therefore the dream of reason is utterly vanquished by the nightmare of irrationality that the human race represents. You can chase after this crazy will-o'-the-wisp of rationality if you want, but you will beat your head against the titanic indifference of stupidity and bigotry of the world.
IE6 is a wheel. Why reinvent it?
The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.
Nine people can’t make a baby in a month.
386 Motherboard wishes to meet Fatherboard for SX
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
Unit testing is a great way to pay a bunch of engineers to be bored out of their minds and find not much of anything.
Put down those pens, authors. Put down those paint brushes, artists. Put down that lump of clay. Why bother? Why not go into the service industry or banking. Mmmmmm. That's the thing. Banking is where it's at. Come on. Put aside your creative thoughts. Think of wealth. Humans are here to accrue wealth.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised God doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.
I'll migrate the f*** out of a database!
Can I tell you a secret? I am Google.
Good software only has a single thread.
See, when a man loves a woman very much, he heaves himself off of his hemorrhoid donut and he takes three Viagra, a beta blocker and an eye-dropper full of blood thinner. Then, he lays on top of his beloved like a pile of laundry on top of another pile of laundry. Then, his penis, erect in defiance of God's will, enters her vagina like a chapstick entering the Luray Caverns. Then, nine months later, she gives birth to a beautiful baby. Which I will now demonstrate by pushing this uncooked Cornish game hen through these gray drapes.
Every programming language is a corporate device to make you love them like a religion or a wannabe-autistic's way of gaining a little control in his life.
UML is great if you don't want to do any work; you just draw pictures of what it would look like if work was actually done.
If you hit a midget in the head with a stick, he'll turn into 40 gold coins that you can take to market and buy a fat goose for your goodly wife. Beware though. If you lose a fight to a midget, you become a midget yourself.
I didn't get into this business to have to talk to people.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I have a natural revulsion to any operating system that shows so little planning as to have named all of its commands after digestive noises (awk, grep, fsck, nroff).
On our planet, Arnold Schwarzenegger runs California, torture is legal, and spinach is poison.
Programming is the art of debugging a blank page.
In a society that believes in nothing, fear becomes the only agenda. Whilst the 20th century was dominated between a conflict between a free-market Right and a socialist Left, even though both of those outlooks had their limitations and their problems, at least they believed in something, whereas what we are seeing now is a society that believes in nothing. And a society that believes in nothing is particularly frightened by people who believe in anything, and, therefore, we label those people as fundamentalists or fanatics, and they have much greater purchase in terms of the fear that they instill in society than they truly deserve. But that’s a measure of how much we have become isolated and atomised rather than of their inherent strength.
Lotus Notes is indeed the worst thing of any kind ever.
If you can't see the sucker at the table, you are it.
If Apple went to a party, it would turn up last and leave with the hottest girl there.
Lotus Notes is the digital equivalent of being kicked in the groin upon arrival at work every day.
Caring about who the next president will be is like caring about which hood ornament will be attached to a car about to run you over.
Friedman spends much of his book talking about how the world is flat, how Bangalore is the new Silicon Valley, and how India is now in perfect competition in America. Meanwhile, all my friends in Bangalore live with power that’s only on 70% of the time in an overdeveloped and thus desertified city (that formerly was known as a great beauty of the world) doing menial labor for major American companies. And yet Americans all think they’ve living the dream, because that’s what Airmiles Friedman told them.
I also hate to offend other people’s sensibilities—given that software methodology has always been akin to religion. With the caveat that there’s no reason anybody should care about the opinions of a computer scientist/mathematician like me regarding software development, let me just say that almost everything I’ve ever heard associated with the term "extreme programming" sounds like exactly the wrong way to go...with one exception. The exception is the idea of working in teams and reading each other’s code. That idea is crucial, and it might even mask out all the terrible aspects of extreme programming that alarm me.
Quilting is more about recycling scraps. That is, it's more like what programming really is, instead of what it pretends to be...
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
Business cards are graffiti for people who play golf.
Stop calling them English muffins, and start calling them American glory cakes!
What a beautiful goldfish. I'm very sorry your hair fire.
Thank you for delicious noodles.
Thank you for delicious noodles.
There's nothing scarier than a wolf on fire lunging for your throat.
When the productive have to ask permission from the unproductive in order to produce, then you may know your culture is doomed.
You might think your comment proves that you're sophisticated, but, really, it only demonstrates your ignorance.
Daddy drinks because you cry.
Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that-for some reason- every political prison on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed steel-toed boots. Would you attempt to do this?
SQL on Rails is a short-stack framework for developing database-contained web applications according to the Model-Model-Model pattern.
Sometimes I eat money. It's just all over the place. I get bored of throwing it away. Just put it in a bowl, pour some milk on there, and eat a bowl of money.
My wife is Sofie. I enjoy watching old Seinfeld shows and there is a little super man in every blog I put out there. My only kryptonite is logic and common sense.
What doth life set my ponder circuits to spirit seek beyond their ability to digitally simulaculate. This is a defcon 5 level systemwide degenerative thought-tastrophy.
It's just short for innit, innit?
You'll need the degremlinizer plugin.
You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
From the patterns of behaviors that are observable, we may infer a design that makes planet Earth, all unknown to us, is a prison colony and a lunatic asylum that is employed as a dumping ground by far-off and superior civilizations.
Don't thow away the middle of the donut; You can sell it!
There's nothing more sad than seeing a woman unable to stick fivers into a g-string because she's got nitrogen narcosis.
Haha. You've never even heard that song!
Down with the tyranny of ASCII!
Don't be oppressed by the tyranny of broccoli projectiles!
All I want to do after a long day at work is go home, take a nice bath, and listen to my monitor.
We don't like single-digit morning hours.
Probably some form of socialist capitalism, where people's hard earned money isn't being snatched away by a tyrannical government, yet everyone has health care and shelter and snacks and a place to make out. I call this new system: sociocapaweeeeee! It is a fun government that has three basic rules:
1) No hitting.
2) Kids eat free.
3) Poor people aren't allowed to swim.
1) No hitting.
2) Kids eat free.
3) Poor people aren't allowed to swim.
I think I sharded in my pants
hoyhoy is just a pointer to the real person! What have you done! Decrement him immediately!
Find herewith rail warrants for your expatriate, exasperating charges. Thus may we vouchsafe their welcome is not outstayed. Chin, Chin.
Random Party Girl: Bob, you should lay off the beer.
Bob: THAT'S A STUPID IDEA!
Bob: THAT'S A STUPID IDEA!
I believe in a God who reveals in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a God who concerns himself with fates and actions of human beings.
Narnia Final-Battle Flash Mob is not gonna organize itself. Someone's gotta step up and be Aslan. Steve's in Rehab.
There should only be one type of money and it should be made of candy. HEY, STOP EATING MY MONEY!
We opened for Bob Seger at the Arkansas State Fair, and someone slit Reid's throat with a broken beer bottle. Ethan and I then played duets to a standing ovation.
I do ask you please pay for legitimate copy of these plans. This small fee of $40 (notice how I didn't insult your intellegence by putting $39.99)
If you have to be known for something, it might as well be fuckin'.
I will suck on your Puppy's Breasts: If the mom/bitch is having trouble nursing. I heard that this helps sometimes.
Bonsai Tree: Fell on my hamster's house. Need someone with Tonka truck to haul the tree.
MY NAME IS BLABBAGORK HAYFARM I AM GOING DOOR TO DOOR SELLING ANTACIDS TO PUT ALIENS IN TOPEKA WONT YOU BY SOME OF MY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS
Men are lucky. We get old, we look rugged... so long as we have money and a career. Rugged men without money or a career are hobos.
Tony is the equivalent of a stick in a hornet's nest.
Bob goes on and on about how much he enjoys lifting couches. He hardly talks about anything else. I mean, everyone has a thing they're really into, but jeez, the guy can't shut up about lifting couches. Lately, it's mostly complaining about how long it's been since he lifted some couches. I can hardly stand to be around him anymore.
I got news for you: MOST PEOPLE'S DADS DIDN'T LOVE THEM!
I couldn't imagine what my like would be like if I had del.icio.us buddies.
Blatant Kiwiphilia (no, Tony, thats not what you think it is)
The reverse opposite of random is unmodnar.
echo 'This is not a pipe.' | cat - > /dev/tty
I don't know karate, but I know ka-ray-zee!
I AM LEFT IN AWE OF THE SEETHING BUREAUCRACY AROUND A SIMPLE MAN WHO WANTS TO TURN HIMSELF IN FOR BREAKING THE LAW SIR!
I don't know what to tell you, man. Works on my machine.
Does everyone from Ohio talk like they got hit in the face with a board?
Disconnecting the Connection.
THE CAPITALIST SYSTEM SUBJUGATES THE
WORKING CLASSES, TRANSFORMING HUMAN BEINGS
INTO MINDLESS DRONES WHO EXCHANGE THEIR
SHORT LIVES FOR DIRTY SCRAPS OF PAPER AND
PROMISES OF A BETTER LIFE AFTER THEY DIE.
WORKING CLASSES, TRANSFORMING HUMAN BEINGS
INTO MINDLESS DRONES WHO EXCHANGE THEIR
SHORT LIVES FOR DIRTY SCRAPS OF PAPER AND
PROMISES OF A BETTER LIFE AFTER THEY DIE.
We like Japanther. When you're riding your bike around, smashing Hummers with a baseball bat, there's nothing like listening to Japanther.
When you have mastered the power of your haddock, my son, you will be a true man.
If 0.999... equals 1, then the terrorists have won.
Do you have a hankerin' for a dog?
Haiku is easy,
but sometimes makes no sense.
Refrigerator.
but sometimes makes no sense.
Refrigerator.
If you compete with slaves, you become a slave.
Right now I have a theory that the spaces between the zeros match the absolute value of the spaces between the stripes on a persian cat (times a constant of course). I'm spending too much time trying to breed an infinitely spacious cat to really concentrate on much else.
So, I wonder how many suicides there will be among iPhone early adopters once they realize that the device they've been waiting six months for doesn't actually make their life stop sucking.
People used to say, back when IBM owned the industry: never hire someone straight out of IBM. First, let them go somewhere else and fail. Then, once they've realized the real world is not like IBM, hire them and they'll be great.
The general attitude seems to be that people should wear square shoes, because squares are easier to design and manufacture than foot shaped shoes. If the shoe industry has gone the way of the computer industry it would now be running a $200-a-day course on how to walk, run and jump in square shoes.
A word to wholesalers and retailers of the Devil Girl Choco-Bar. It may seem to you the depths of marketing ignorance to state in bold letters on the package 'IT'S BAD FOR YOU', but think about it... this is a brilliant strategy in consideration of kids today; a stupid, know-nothing generation of brain-dead morons who want nothing more than to be 'BAD'. We're certain this morally bankrupt horde of 'slackers' will eat up this low-grade product as fast as you can place it on your candy counter. The sharp, up-to-date business operator will not fail to perceive the beauty - and reap the profits - in the hook 'IT'S BAD FOR YOU!'.
Brown is going green!
I was standing at a central point in the room. The walls were all at approximately the same distance from me. I continued to stand there for a few moments.
But, Tony is no average office worker.
I question the need for an average office worker to run backwards on a treadmill.
Some pencils were scattered around on my desk. I picked them up one by one. I placed the pencils in the drawer which I use to store pencils.
What amuses me is how big of a deal you're pretending it is.
There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. ... We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical.
He says it really rocks, but i think he knows what a complete fraud he is taking money for bullshit web programming. He occasionally emails me links to humorous technical articles, trying to keep up his street cred w/someone still in the real game. Kinda' sad, really.
Some people believe that I'm stupid, or possible mentally retarded. I have no comment on this.
It's like a chain letter but for programs instead of people.
It’s like algebra, but for trout instead of numbers.
Micorsoft has done many good things for me and my computer. I got free Windows and free internet Explorer with my computer without paying for them becuase they were free with the computers, now thats a good deal!!!!
Everyone who works here smells like dirt and eats mud for lunch. The womyn don't shave and neither do the men, and there was a toferkey for Thanksgiving which is just as UnAmerican (un Micorsoff) as killing little babies. I hate the linus and consider me to be a martyr in the name of NT and BG and all that. Please put to me in your prayer and I will be there or here doing what I do, which is to take down this most holey of evil rags.
I recently came acorst your sit e and realized that you are one of the smartest people in the world, if not the net. I must say that I work at Linus Jernal and that I am only do it to get into the infilitrationary aspects of operating system technology.
Just because you disagree with everyone at the company doesn't make you wrong.
Does that pillow have feathers? Why can't it have coins? Then we could rob a pillow. We wouldn't have to rob a bank.
Fragile as wood.
Hell is slightly more habitable. And doesn't have killer spiders that hide in your shoes.
I have gotten nothing done today. One site had a place to put my bank account and they would send me a voucher for a free vacation worth $5000. I totally got my family hooked up on that tip, yo.
There goes the rest of my April bandwidth, that animated gif file is like 300k. But that is how I roll, I roll on the cusp of EXTREME BANDWIDTH CHARGES. Just doing a dirty 360 grind or some other skateboarding term, holding six sparklers and writing out "INTERNET" in the air while some dude takes a long-exposure photo of it to post on his blog.
Scientifically speaking, hail is pretty interesting. It is formed by Jesus, out of supercooled water in cumulonimbus clouds. It is sent down upon the sinners to smite them. The hail hit our house, I believe, because I coveted my neighbor's extra driveway pad (he has a super-wide driveway that fits two cars and goes all the way up the side of his house, how could you not covet that.)
All of the Star Wars movies were two-hour advertisements for Happy Meals.
I'm planning on having my cremated remains packed into a pressurized can of "Schlitz" and launched towards the Moon. Since I'm not going to be able to go there on vacation I might as well have a larf when the spoiled fucker who finds my remains rips the top of what he thinks was a cold one stashed by the Apollo mission and gets a face full of angry nerd dust.
If sign language wasn't so difficult for me to learn, I would have popped my own eardrums out by now.
Whoa, that's a kickass cake! That's what I'm having for my birthday. Except the drumsticks will be lightsabers.
I want a button on my phone that, when pressed, executes the person on the other end of the line, and then transfers me to their supervisor. Note that said button should not be too close to the mute or flash buttons.
Who the hell made you the arbiter of what's right and wrong? You?
What are you doing out there, man? Do you know any movie stars?
Mmmmm. RandFeed. That’s what I call my lunch.
Instead of satiating the gods, many of these "scientists" have tried to control El Nino with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting bueys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the power of the gods with flashlight batteries! Needless to say, this didn't work and everyone died.
Hackysack is a game in which a group of dirty hippies stand in a circle and kick a small bean filled bag around.
The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern... Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I don't need to pay taxes. I'm from the future!
I've heard of unicorns galloping to the moon on rainbow-covered bridges paved with babies dreams. But moths that eat the tears of sleeping magpies? That's the most poetic fucking thing I've ever heard.
The Crunchie is Man's greatest gift to Man himself.
We're all worse off for expecting better than Alf. That's the problem with society.
Most of my hostility comes from being better than everyone I meet. It's jaded me.
Remote starting. Just what you need in Cheshire!
You can make a neural network in Excel.
You take what you can get in this town.
Your heart diamond sparkled in the misty predawn blue of a new day.
There's a mini-game in Bully called Con-Sumo... every time your little sumo guy eats something, he makes a sound like 'hoy!', so when he eats two things in quick order, it reminds me of hoyhoy.
8 and 1 is 9, and that's the number of idiot phrases hoyhoy says per day! it all makes sense now!
Those who know me well know that I enjoy drinking soda. I am particularly fond of fountain soda. I enjoy reckless games of flavor roulette at truck-stop soda dispensers. A little cola, a little orange, a little of "the good doctor" (dr. pepper to you), a little of anything. Always in the largest cup available. It is bad for your body. So is breathing, at times.
Every advice is a small threat and every threat controls an advice. Here is my advice for you, samuel: I am going to be killing you and your family to come.
Give him an import. He's a subgenius!
PHP is one of several languages that GNU/Linux could do without. Python and Ruby are others. None of them provides capabilities beyond C, C++, Shell, Gawk, Perl, or scheme. Don't be tempted to use them. They simply divert effort that would be better applied elsewhere.
Q: I have potato bugs in my vegetable garden. How can I rid myself of these pesky critters? A: Drench your entire yard with gasoline and set it ablaze. Once the fire has burned itself out and the ground has cooled, cultivate the soil to a depth of seven feet, saturate the area with battery acid and top the surface with gasoline. After a few minutes, most of the surviving potato bugs, now irritated, will burrow up for air. Set the yard on fire again, and let it burn itself out. The remaining bugs should be crisped. Add water. Only then, and only maybe, will you rid yourself of potato bugs.
dreaming about scanners and parsers is really fun, it’s too bad the reality is so vomitously bleak.
I've never heard Wynton play the blues convincingly, and I'd challenge him to a blues standoff any time. He's jazzy the same way someone who drives a BMW is sporty.
The future is here, it's just not evenly distributed.
samuel, your ending will be like the fable of the man of one arm who falls into the great water deep hole and becomes broken of his only arm and then screams for terrors into eternal times. Except you will have an additional arm broken.
Funk #59 is a song by a James Gang. Funk #60 is the feel you will have when I am shoeing your head into the wall of stones cut square. samuel, this message is your own.
Out of memory. Call John at x555, and tell him to order another 16K.
Java was, as Gosling says in the first Java white paper, designed for average programmers. It's a perfectly legitimate goal to design a language for average programmers. (Or for that matter for small children, like Logo.) But it is also a legitimate, and very different, goal to design a language for good programmers.
Alcohol is the magic elixir of life!
I don't play ballads anymore because I love ballads too much.
There are two types of programming languages; the ones that people bitch about and the ones that no one uses.
If I were chained to a bench and 'perl' was the only thing that could open the lock, I'd probably cut my hand off.
Java is a programming language for stupid people.
An ashy cloud of veracity that will blanket this country. When it clears (and it won’t) the real World War One will begin.
Kramdar is the gnarled demon who yanked the glimmering life gem from the core of the earth, then lifted it towards God, who queefed his glorious light through it. Refraction occurred and the light beams were lovingly bent and folded into the illusion of both PFFR and our own importance. Since then he’s been living in a bucket of oats in Sarasota.
Children are the magical glue that keeps our society hurtling towards guaranteed destruction. Every morning we force feverish miscreants (selves) to huff that glue, before we translate their death spasms into morse code, and then into English.
You have to be sober sometimes so you remember what drunk is like.
For the record, I have an ultra-secure wireless network that automatically reports all hacking attempts to unsavory men with bitey dogs.
My clown's a playa clown. I give respect and i get respect.
Just put a disclaimer on each page that explains "This site is packed by weight, not volume. Whitespace may have shifted during transmission"
I went to the grocery store today and bought 30 lbs. of salmon took all of them to a fishing hole by my house, unwrapped them, and threw them into the lake. I am a catch and release king of guy.
I love super taco people!
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)."
17:36 <rpo> BLEEP ZAP
17:36 <rpo> PI
17:36 <rpo> PI
You're hired. I need 17 sledgehammers and an oil drum full of back bacon. Deliver to anywhere in Transylvania.
Thank you for your kind words. It brings joy to my heart to know that my humble artistic efforts have touched your soul!
The reckon-day is one that you would in typical fashion remember, samuel. But you will be not among the living ones who are able to remember reckon-days.
I hope I get laid off. Then, I can get six months of unemployment, pay my rent up front, and drink myself into oblivion. Also, liver transplants are free if you are on unemployment.
There may be no dumber looking piece of clothing than the ski mask. Why do they even sell ski masks anymore? They wouldn't if we called them robber masks. If your store sells robber masks, you deserve to be robbed at least once a week. I think ski masks are about the dumbest thing in the world, and will do my best to ruin the ski mask industry.
The yahoo toolbar is a status symbol indicating that you're an idiot and probably watch Fox News.
If you don't IRC, the terrorists have won.
What we kids didn't understand was that we were living in a consumer culture. Everything in our environment had been bought and sold. As middle class Americans, we basically grew up on a movie set. We barely have contact with the real world.
Myspace is the Chernobyl of social networking sites.
We're on an adventure! You're not on an adventure! 'Cause you're sitting on your couch like a loser. Smash your TV and have adventures.
Who's going to pay for these steaks -- I mean, spiritually?
Hotdogs give me energy so I can fight off my demons!
Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves... here's Tom with the weather.
The real reason that these $100 laptops won't have a JVM is because it will make children in developing countries realize that subsistence farming is way more kickass than programming in Java.
Your pumping up of flowerings will ice the cake for my life. Also I will leap for happiness on your casket-hole, samuel.
Meat is pretty compelling to look at. It's just solid murder, rock-hard murder. It's murder crystallized into pure meaty form. And that's just fun. When we do research and watch PETA videos, we're like, "Okay, we're not eating meat for a couple weeks.
I calculated what we get paid per hour, and I think I'd be doing better if I worked at Cinnabon, because you get free Cinnabons. We don't get free Cinnabons in the situation we have now. There are deals being made as we speak. Cinna-deals.
on Lepton, we operate on a scaled version of metric time. there are 96 hours in one fork, three forks in a pumpkin and 5.62 pumpkins in a quadrangleurpee.
THE HAM'S OUT OF THE CAN! BULLS ON THE MAP! JUGLERS ARE THE ENEMY! CIRCLE THE STAKE WITH A FLAMING BEAN!
I like this. I howled along, until a flying boot hit me in the head.
The blogosphere doesn't exist!
This is my time! Chatty fatty hour is later!
That post was so awesome that it created a black hole of awesomeness and started sucking in other posts from my friendpage. Thanks a lot... now I'm staring at a blank friendspage like a dummy.
Did H.L. Mencken ever build an entire spaceship at the age of nine in his backyard? Did he ever genetically engineer his own species of superwalrus? I don't think so.
You will not see it coming when I disconnect your heart. Because I will have already diconnected your eyes.
Get the impurities out of your system with a bit of the old black gold.
I wondered why that frisbee was getting closer and then it hit me.
Her eyes are as big as Jolly Ranchers... She's a beautiful girl.
The program icon is a bunch of forks stuck into a pumpkin with a letter 'Q' on it.
I don't want to learn about web applications. I want to eat a hamburger!
I always knew one day Smalltalk would replace Java. I just didn’t know it would be called Ruby.
That guy doesn't just write AJAX, he also buys it from the grocery store and freebases it.
Hoodwink'rs overtake the web together, just like the druids of oldenyear would if they quit dickin around at stonehenge and found a way to express their fiery ardour through Javaescripts.
When you light up an ant with a magnifying glass it may seem deliberate, but in the ant world, it's known as "spontaneous combustion."
Despite the unimaginable bulk of fraud, avarice and waste in the universe ... I have to believe that this is all too real.
if I wanted to know about reality, I wouldn't even be using irssi at this time of day.
misss-suuu beeee ssssseeeeeee!
Like it can't be good unless you have to specify 65 command line args - like the opposite reason I can't use a microwave, because there aren't enough buttons.
True wisdom is less presuming than folly. The wise man doubteth often, and changeth his mind; the fool is obstinate, and doubteth not; he knoweth all things but his own ignorance.
our pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
You know we all want you to end this foolishness and come on home to irc.
I told you, my handiwheels are my handiwheels. The intergalactic moon cadets have the hosefarm lazers and are aimed straight at your fancycakes.
In the back of a dirty cave, i found the power switch for the world. i wrapped my hand around the grip, and i thought for quite a long time about turning it all off... but then i didn't, and instead i got an ice cream and felt a whole lot better.
I just get tired of reality. The sky is blue all the time. Sometimes, I want it to be pink rabbit fur.
I think circles should be called infinigons. That's my thought for the day.
The way I figure it, the big moment is in 21 minutes. 3.141592 = 3/14 15:92 = 16:32 = 4:32 PM. But I don't have any pie.
Framework is just another name for oppression.
I think that's improper transposition. Hoyhoy implies that a place can't be any good if there's only one of them. You expand it to the inverse.
I hate old ladies. I hate mac users. and I hate when they are both combined in one person.
I just use a plugin that only shows pages with pagerank 10 that way I don't have to worry about accidentally coming across something that hoyhoy wrote.
I'll never have millions, but who cares? At least I have some chocolate pie!
This pepper spray is terrible!!! The flavor is way too hot and it has a metallic taste to it!!! it completely ruined my tacos!!!
The effects of Javascript on a browser are kind of similar to the effects of shouting at Chinese people in Swahili.
Yeah, florida is full of spammers and old people, not to mention old spammers.
if you want to look like a moron, you've gotta think like a moron, young padawan.
Look ma, I spelled disciplinarian with Spaghettios! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOM?
I don't have any psychotropic drugs, we can huff some bleach if you want to though.
If you don't sleep, you can't regenerate your happy cells!
I don't drink coffee that tastes like the Tooth Fairy hurled into a cup!
The rest want five hundred channels on the cable, beer, porn, easy sex and two weeks a year at Disney World. They don't read much, largely because of honest inability, and count on their fingers, up to maybe six. They'd be perfectly happy to have storm troopers on every corner. Uzis and flack jackets lend drama to lives that don't have any. Hitler was a consumer product.
Izza hates teh haterz, mang. fight teh goodd fight, bruddah.
Halloween, Alaska is based in the so called "Twin Cities" of Minneapolis and Saint Paul. These two cities are by no means identical. They are physically adjacent. In this way, they resemble Siamese twins.
Sound effects are limited to the barely audible sounds of scraping cardboard, the dull thuds of boxes against cement, and the white noise of a cavernous workplace setting.
Putting Adobe in front of anything makes it cost at least $500. Here, have some Adobe Waffles, only $599!
Bling Blong, baby. Represents my lifestyle and stratus as a street savvy irreverent youth that lives larges yet hungers for that next level in life.
Okay, it's a deal but only if you show me a twenty-six year old ex-memember of the Bolshoi Ballet with slightly hairy arms and a penchant for packing jars of peanut butter.
Will you give me $10,000 to record a rap CD? I'm really good...check this out: I hit a cat with a bat, how do you like that, my rhymes are fat, I wear a hat, I once saw a rat.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Mine is better cause the guy ends up happy in the end. Notice, with the Java way, nobody ends up happy.
At first I was thinking that 56 is too old to learn anything, but then I realized that Lt. Uhura must be that same age and she knows everything about computers. SHE WAS ON A SPACESHIP!!!
You're not a cheerleader, you're a murderer, just like your old daddy was!
Snackola got its start at a shadowy, undisclosed facility in New Mexico. Our company is an off-the-books partnership of JRZ Industries, a multinational chemical company that wishes to test the edibility of its products. Our melt-in-your-mouth LardPuffs, for instance, contain no ingredients found in nature, while our deep-fried SkinBalls make delicious use of the millions of pounds of chicken skin discarded each year by slaughterhouses and rendering plants. Sure, our snacks might cause birth defects, but you guys seem to like them, so what the hell.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Meat-man... ever since my son was... never born, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws.
I saw what the governor makes. That's like four hands of blackjack.
If I didn't have my gambling problem I would never work at all.
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
I need atmospherium to take over the world.
I put a prometheon gain transducer array in there and now I have threeve eleventy boots of deck space.
Oh, that's a 'dillo bus'. It's kind of like the yellow bikes they have some places.
I went to new gondwanaland and ate pterodactyl meat!
Dizzam, gramizzle. the scizzones for off da hizzle!
It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
And you'll die alone and unliked, and they won't discover your body until it's half-eaten by your cats, who actually had enough food, they just ate you out of spite?
These guys are probably fair martial artists who, no doubt, honed their skills beating heretics to death.
Seems like we could make little strings sound like that with an electronic biggener.
Yeah, well, dork spelled backwards is 'krod', unlike 'frnm', which is 'stupidhead' spelled backwards, which is what you are.
Who wouldn't want to get shoved into a tube full of giant magnets?
Also, frankly, a vanity web blog really doesn't need or deserve a professional make-over. I'd rather spend my money on my grandmother.
An Ivo, divided against itself, cannot stand!
Any robot could rebel, from a toaster to a Terminator, and so it is crucial to learn the strengths and weaknesses of every robot enemy.
I have some Pez, and some rope. I bet I could stop the megabytes!
I may go on to the Internet later and do some sprotting.
JAMON-UH
I don't know. I was just looking at your keyboard and I started thinking how it didn't look like pumpkin cheesecake.
This phenomenon may account for a number of discrepancies currently blamed on various forbidden isms. Never attribute to malice what can be explained by math.
Its a trick question, everyone knows all music originated in africa, the motherland had punk way back...man.
Kansas should be referred to as the "deep north".
I will erect a tent in the sauna.
Your parents had to tell you, "Don't play with matches," which, right there, is a clue to how great fire is, because nobody ever warns you away from doing something that's not totally fun. Nobody's ever, "Don't go to a Billy Ray Cyrus concert, it causes sterility," because, well, duh!
Seriously, if you want to be a student so badly, why not just come to Seattle and watch me eat hot dogs for three or four hours a day? Oh, and you aren't allowed to talk or eat or smoke. (Unless you're smoking hot dogs, on a grill, for me.) And you have to pay me.
Quit high school, go to college, and make more than your peers do for being bored. Then set your money on fire.
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
You see, when you're middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact that history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied.
If you ever see a copy of this book, purchase it! Its a non-stop comedy aide, really. And it's the singlemost important centerpiece for performance art I have ever known.
Because if somebody cuts in front of you in line, you are perfectly justified in assaulting them with a folding chair. That's one of the guiding principles this country was founded on.
google made me eat a blumpie.
I wrote a song about people at work who think they are in charge because they're older than you, and then you key expletives into his car because I think he stole my fruit cup from the breakroom refrigerator.
I heard she bought heaven and is going to start a moon colony inhabited entirely by midgets.
Oh, I like it! You mean like ads on the sides of trucks? That fits in with Mammon's general policy of covering every flat surface with incitements of greed.
I always thought of you as more the string thong type.. Surely not the throng thilent type...
I outpour hatred, and vitriol through a hole larger than the goatse guy.
To describe how bored i am today.... I have a CD spindle lid over my mouth, and I'm walking about talking like Darth Vader.
My coffee pot was blessed by a Hassidic Jew and stolen by my ex-girlfriend
'paads hue +e ajesun
You have three kids and put on twenty pounds and you'll look a real Texan!
My tears are seasoned with joy, and do I detect a hint of juniper?
I bet what happened was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel.
I'm too drunk to type, but I can still properly escape my regexes!
I heard that when they change the guard at the leaning tower at the leaning tower of pisa, the zulu tribes get microwaves and a free trip to antarctia to barbecue penguins underwater.
My giraffes all love me now for the pizza, anyway.
Sure, you may have won the chips, but I won the satisfaction of knowing you're touching chips that I tainted with chode paste.
Hey Sarge, how is that stuffed pie tasting now?
Your love is like ten pounds of warm Velveeta.
You're not my enemy, songman, but your drinking is
I like my women how I like my Bourbon, twelve years old and mixed up with coke!
You envy me, YOU WANT TO BE ME!
Why isn't pure hate pretty?
I lived here all my life, and I ain't afraid a no rolly coasta!
Like i said, Playboy knows I/O!
man, I was thinking of responding in the opposite way that you'd expect, but maybe that's too predictable.
I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don't pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.
Found a beetle in my bathroom that was about to fall into a heating vent. Swiped him up. Tailored him a little backpack out of a leaf and a thread. In the back pack: a Skittle and a AAA battery. That should last him. Sent him loose out by the front gate.
Pretty girl want us port to Macintosh? Us make pretty girl happy!
It's also funny because if a n00b asks you a question you need to put them down implicitly with pride obliterating sarcasm so that your friends in the channel can laugh at them.
Who's been putting the mescaline in the Microsoft kool aid?
DON'T YOU SMARTOFF TO A ROCKSTAR!
bumper: you're still officiating, right? Can I add another one to my pyrrhic victory column?
All facts start as dreams in the mind of a wizard.
I knew she'd come back to me ever since my experience points went into triple digits I've had to keep the ladies and Valkyries off with a two-handed plus-three broadsword.
Bow to your nitrogen-laden overlord!
whachatalkinbout? Don't bring that heresy into here. Join #ohemgee-elohel if you want to talk crazy.
But if you are waiting for Longhorn to unite your fridge with your stereo, or want to see what a blue screen of death looks like on your hot water system, you might be in for a long wait.
My grandmother encodes better than you delinquents!
Yes, on the moon nerds get their pants pulled down and they are spanked with moon rocks!
Ignignokt: Is your ego satisfied? Err: Damn no!
Well for one thing, the moon has one third less gravity than your earth, I don't know if you can understand that, but our vertical leap is beyond all measurement.
Ignignokt: Now wrap yourself around that rack of DVDs. Err: Smoke up!
I hope you can see this, because I'm doing it as hard as I can.
I'll bid on you til there's nothing left but crumbs! Then I'll bid on the crumbs
Dag, yo. sippin dat hennessy haterade '94 AINT NO LOVE AINT NO USE
The innocent shall suffer... big time.
Err: We get checks from the government and spend them on beer. Mexican beer! Ignignokt: That is the cheapest kind of beer.
The explosion shall be of extraordinary magnitude. Just hang on.
Ignignokt: Our god is a god of vengeance. A god of hate.
Err: A god of action!
Ignignokt: Our god is an Indian who can turn into a wolf and..
Err: Dude, that's Wolfen.
Ignignokt: Yes, well Wolfen will come after you, with his razor.
Err: A god of action!
Ignignokt: Our god is an Indian who can turn into a wolf and..
Err: Dude, that's Wolfen.
Ignignokt: Yes, well Wolfen will come after you, with his razor.
We do whatever we want whenever we want, at all times.
Here on the moon, our weekends are so advanced, they encompass the entire week.
Your jambox is now his, by way of our actions.
Ignignokt: No one can defeat the Quad Laser Err: Jumping is useless.
We don't listen to people who don't like us.
We forgot all about your needs, we were too busy fulfilling our own.
This pornography is infinitely excellent, this dresser however is not. Torch the dresser, Meatwad.
Prepare for a moon spanking. Now you drop those sweatpants right now!
Getting it is easy... filling it with illegal substances and sending it across the border is not!
No, it's about taking material goods when others aren't looking.
Alright, when I say your name, you say 'here.' And we will assume 'here' is short for 'here I am...rock you like a hurricane.
Your jambox is now his, by way of our actions!
I got out of the shower and Mrs. Bumper said "Don't kick the Chort?" Took me about 1/3 femtoseconds to figure that one out.
I'm not turning on an analog faucet to drink some barbaric water.
What is pwned means?
Please remember, folks, that swearing at people, directly insulting people posting comments or IE team member or similar will cause you comments to be deleted.
Ever notice how they never have to report to anybody on Star Trek? No suits zoom in from Star Fleet Corporate and hold them fiscally responsible for frying a dilithium crystal
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
I have my legendary invincible army of walking bread.
I could make the universe segfault if i wanted to!
I know you got the dorpsgek reputation to protect, but you don't have to try that hard!
< [Cadet]> How can you know for sure that a dog can't see in color? One tell you so?
< bumper2> Let 'em use photoshop. You'll see.
< bumper2> Let 'em use photoshop. You'll see.
They need to be turned into jerky for sale at tourist traps.
Pondering whether Windows will run on Apple's Intel hardware is like pondering if a Yugo body would fit on a Ferrari frame.
I'm stereographically blind!
The communists were mad about evolution and started a crazy campaign to force God to wipe out the dinousars with catapults and lightning.
Ayn Rand is that lady from biblical times who flew around in a magical phone booth and saved the dinosaurs from the communists, right?
i wondeR who hE's tALking about?
Debian GNU/Gypsobites: They're not just for kids anymore!
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Hurry, you thick-fingered Trolls. Two-edge has captured Ekuar!
I grew up in a giant refrigerator filled with oompa loompas!
Guns don't kill people, marshmallows kill people.
That's the sign of a good collecting sickness.
Flippant!? More like flip-out!
The journey to being lame is never over.
Don 'Knuckles' GiSottio owns the whole block. We have to pay him for protection on the bill from crap emo bands.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.
Do it with feeling this time, Cody, and I'll make the spiders in your brain go away!
So bitter. So funny. So true!
Great seller! Who cared for me when I was sick? You got it - jazztime did.
You will be so married too once your baby's mamma takes her Lithium!
The key is to dish out as much written harm as possible.
If you can guess 3 of the foods in my retainer, I'll send you a free VEGETABLE.
marypoppins = ( superman + starship) / god
All music is largely subjective. I just have better taste than you. No seriously, these are just the albums that i have found over the years to be the most fun, innovative, emotional, genuine, uplifting, impressive and blah blah blah.
When i'm done with them, they're like 4's!
I think there's almost nothing I wouldn't do for a hot dog.
XML is like violence. If it's still not solving your problem, just use more.
Tri-core iridium deposits with a usb warp core and a gerbil wheel!
You need to get over here and help get all this beef jerky off the ceiling!
Find a knife or a pen and jam it in your eye; that's who Steve Morse is,
I look to Vulcan for answers... he provides none.
It was only a $1 coffee from the cafeteria. Do I still have to suffer another suggle?
Dear in-laws: the cost of this fiasco has now officially made a hitman a more economic investment. See you in hell. Love, truff
This slacking brought to you by new and improved Evening(tm) - now with more daylight!
X * Y/ Tuesday (purple + thumbtack) = styrofoam cup
What's the collective noun for people who work in banks? A wunch of bankers!
OK, you can stay here if you want to, but it's getting dark, and the ducks bite!
Keep me updated, I'll kick in his freakin' door
It is as if someone made a perfume that smells like dog poo and then sprayed that on a pile of actual dog poo." (Of course this is only a few unicode characters in my language)
It's peeeeeople! Taco Bell is Peeeeople!
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman.
IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
Note to self: www.manpages.com is NOT an online resource to get *nix man pages.
He got a little "I'm better than you", and said "well, that's what blazers cost". I said, "No they don't, because my dad owns several. If I told him I paid that much for any article of clothing that wasn't charged with magical powers, he'd punch me in my face and disinherit me."
Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.
I people person. Uh, work good with children. Uh, people like me. Because I force them to! With violence!
I'm like a hundredaire socialite out on the scene!
If you give me anything from that box, you're going to get a kick in the face with a ribbon on it.
Bamablance!
My rant quotient has really plummeted now that I mitya000 doesn't post much on austincommunity.
"Can you imagine what it would be like if the chinnese had 'Wheel of Fortune'? They got so many letters it would take days to finish one game! 'Yea, I'll take an upside-down house with a goat'"
Readers are advised to keep all electrical domestic appliances under lock and key this Xmas, lest they take advantage of the drunken Yule debauch to launch a concerted and co-ordinated attack on humanity. Be safe out there.
Fifty-one of my pennies are equivalent to one of your dollars. STOP TALKING AND GET DOWN HERE!
Drat and double drat! Tis true what they say, the rah-dio does add four-and-twenty stone to one's voice!
I'm just afraid that the Google Desktop Search tool will find that one Humperdink track that I borrowed from muh grandpeppy and alert the authorities.
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
I got the digital camera out, and waited for the five-second delay while it warmed up. What the hell was it doing? Were there elves inside the camera, preparing to inscribe the memory card with zeros and ones?
Back in my day, my data had a density of 2.3 Library of Congresses per Hogs head, and that's the way we liked it!
konsole implements several features from XFree86 xterm, though none of that is documented - except of course in its source code - apparently because its implementors are unaccustomed to reading documentation.
Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Lochness to blow Nessy out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessy Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
My my Farnsworth, that fellow hoyhoy is quite the cantankerous one tonight -eh, old boy?
Jer house blew away in teh tornadocane of ot-4.
I guess that's the downside of compulsion: when you've swabbed your eardrum 522 times, it's tough to make swab #523 really count. Which, again, is why an ear will ideally be swabbed 5,559,060,566,555,523 times.
You tell her that you love her more than a hungry man loves a basket of chicken
Yeah, it was the best show ever, there were fireworks,cheerleaders and a dinosaur!
yeah, screen's ^A^BT attempts to emulate Banach-Tarski, but this version does Banach-Starsky&Hutch
< yax> /dev/sda 11T 528K 11T 1% /mnt/floppy
I can be mean to a peanut for you!
Soundman: That's a lot of sound.
BJ: Well we're a lot of band!
BJ: Well we're a lot of band!
We're going to some of Bach's Well-Tempered Clavier because you don't want to be around a clavier that's not well-tempered. My cat had it once, and it was very painful.
These Bridge Boy Music CDs are a trip to the moon on gossamer wings!
I love the artwork on the Bridge Boy Music CD line. They make killer drink coasters!
I don't understand this f*&%$ing kind of music at all. I don't understand what anybody is doing up there. Every one of you got a long f*&%$in' way to go. Do you understand what I'm sayin'? What the f$%# you're doin' up there doesn't deserve to be called a 'name' band.
I used a BBM CD to shore up a short leg on my kitchen table. Now it's rock solid.
I carried a BBM CD around for over a year and it still smelled the same as it did the day I bought it.
Bridge Boy Music jazz CDs have 1/3 less notes than the regular jazz CDs and yet they still sound great.
omg i hav 23874134859034236798340 ewoks en mi casa pepperioni on my house plz with truckjammes plusgood!!!!
Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.
You have to feed and feed the hiccups until they turn into liver failure!
I NEED that "|", it's my IRC lifeforce!
Apparently, everyone from the future is _crazy_.
I'd pick out movies that I'd always "been meaning to see" or "really ought to have seen" and then proceed to not watch them, just like I'd successfully done for free my whole life.
Hmmm... "everytime"? That's really a strong word. Could you program it, so it displays it in, hmmm... lets say 90% of cases?
Okay, a little preemptive response to my criticism of nested tables. They are wholly unrelational and have as much place in a RDBMS as a hacksaw in a McDonald's Happy Meal.
Well, to be brief, it's a maintenance nightmare and is akin to taking a shortcut through the minefield: you're pretty certain where all the mines are, but anyone following your path can get into a lot of trouble. I wonder if the defenders of this are the descendants of folks who complained about removing COBOL's ALTER verb. But I digress, here's yet another reason why empowering developers with things like variable variables is as safe as letting kids play with scalpels
Every day the tabloids scream banalities like "CAR AND LIMOUSINE SERVICE: HUGE TERROR LOOPHOLE" at me. I think it encourages continuing fear and unrest.
I like my terminals like my women: VT100 compatible with Tektronix extensions.
it's about time we got some GUI sugar to add to the bitter black hotness of our terminal windows.
I have a special spotlight that shines a magic "Barton"-logo (identical to his Police tatoo) over Gotham City. He'll promptly get in his"Bartmobile" and fight arbitrary injustices or perform recording foo ondemand once that
baby is active.
baby is active.
Check the correction security patch from M$ Corporation!!!
Country.... GOOD! Gravity Test, BAD!
JOIN NOW OR PAY WITH ROBOT MEAT
Note: "Free" does not mean "public domain". "Free" doesn't mean you can sell it, put your name on it, or get the source code. "Free" just means you don't have to pay money for it.
Uugora and Mekmek have an intergalactic battle to try to steal each other souls.
Too much compression makes the music sound like it is being played on a transistor radio which has been wrapped in sponge and submerged in a goldfish bowl.
Hoyhoy is, in point of fact, nuts. In particular, he's those little slivers of almond on a cheese log.
Excellent. We've really good food there, honest. Salisbury steak is top notch.
Shuttle traveling nearly 18 times the speed of light.
No probalo!
My trolling would be a lot more sophisticated if it weren't for
my chronic misuse of homonyms and the fact that my brain
generates random babble faster than it can format it into proper
sentences.
my chronic misuse of homonyms and the fact that my brain
generates random babble faster than it can format it into proper
sentences.
I would have been kicked+banned long ago if only I could type as fast as I think of stupid things.
Let this be a warning to heedless tumbleweeds across Kansas and beyond: Cross the path of our super-charged Chevy Venture and your insolent highway tumbling will meet a most undignified end.
Hotmail is still not as efficient at blocking Gmail as Internet Explorer is efficient at unblocking pop-ups.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Are the first four years of "Modern Drummer" still to be considered "modern"?
Sometimes in the Summer I don't feel like getting out of bed because I'm in a Winter mood.
Oh I <3 wilforD BRimeLy. i <3 teh 0atM33l.
iGramophone. This useful innovation allows you to play your 78RPM records but at 78,000RPM and one minute mean time before failure.
Everyone knows that pixels are often generated thanks to the awesome power of Microsoft architecture.
I crys out and wants to make sweet, sweet love to machines everywhere.
If I ever get that kind of money I'm gettting a monitor capable of viewing a hoyhoy screenshot without scrolling.
There was an immeasurable distance between the quick and the dead: they did not seem to belong to the same species; and it was strange to think that but a little while before they had spoken and moved and eaten and laughed.
WELL IF I COULD AFFORD A 486 I WOULDN'T BE ON IRC!
A g0at cannot wear happy pants.
Therefore, I doubt it would have
much use for a rotating trout.
Therefore, I doubt it would have
much use for a rotating trout.
THE VISUALLY ATTRACTIVE and reassuringly expensive Steve Jobs has released the latest versions of Apple's MacOS X Panther and Panther server.
The wheel, fire, and electricity have made it to other parts of the world too!
Mmmmmmmmmm, grain-fed human.
Walt Whitman traveled across young America and helped it grow into the angry powerhouse it is today.
I can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I'm naked in the dark. There's nothing - no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes.
IT professionals spend 70% of their time maintaining existing systems. The other time is spent down the pub, flirting with other people in the "back office", complaining about end users and seeing what's on the TV tonight.
Yeah for real. Don't listen to mitya000, his pappy dropped him on his head when he was but a wee nipper. Then, he misspent his youth reading a lot H.L. Mencken. Also, he smells like cat food and twinkies.
...there is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
Wood or Network Router?
!s email INF0RM you TH@T Your Yahoo User ID (jperrie42@yahoo.com)
w1ll be BL0CKED after` 16 DAYS (@S @FTER autoomateed reegisttration) 1f Y0U will
N0T sign up 0N Yahoo` WHITE LIST. This_is _done_ beecause we update now` Yahoo` N0T autoomateed reegistered user_ids.
w1ll be BL0CKED after` 16 DAYS (@S @FTER autoomateed reegisttration) 1f Y0U will
N0T sign up 0N Yahoo` WHITE LIST. This_is _done_ beecause we update now` Yahoo` N0T autoomateed reegistered user_ids.
It is a little known fact, that Ms Spears is an expert in semiconductor physics. Not content with just singing and acting, in the following pages, she will guide you in the fundamentals of the vital laser components that have made it possible to hear her super music in a digital format.
Don't get mad, get even madder.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I read the newspapers avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction.
You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Do you slow down when you see a crash on the Superinformation Highway?
My credit card is suffering from swipe fatigue.
no data lo..2#@#$@#2323NO CARRIER
this page was made using vi in unix. anything else is encouraged because unix is pretty hard lol. i wish i could afford dreamweaver.
the last time she was this stupid was when she said that she wasnt going to become a vegetarian so i punched her in the face. peta was right all along, non-vegetarians are cruel.
When Gary's not running errands he can be found conjuring the elements to enforce Justice. A wiz with numbers, Gary often lends a hand at the t-shirt table. He can reign fire.
&::('*')::($alice ~ '_misc')::Bob::doit(1,2,3)
Also, follow other instructions that don't make sense. Eat a book!
The "bishop" came to our church today. I think he was an impostor though. Not once did he move diagnonally.
Please don't use my C++ to cure cancer, I can get in big trouble for that!
Three days without petting a lamb usually precedes losing your yacc.
This is some good ice!
Tony is Italian. He thinks Bela Fleck is good. Why, oh dear god, Why?
I ate Interpoleos for breakfast this morning!Fortified with 7 depressing vitamins and angsty minerals! Hey Kids! Look inside for your very own Bad Teenage Poetry Kit!
Barton not around. Why won't he answer his phone? He is Howard Hughes.
New V-Drums out now; Lots of coppers required. Visa bill insane.
I'm in charge of ensuring that all the windows updates are applied to this linux box.
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.
Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
...And it'll be you and me wearing masks playing really odd time signatures. I'mma bang a frying pan with a fork
No, the measures only line up at three parts
in the song, all the other times, it's polyrhythms or cacophony.
in the song, all the other times, it's polyrhythms or cacophony.
First you'll need a well stocked tool-box of data implements.
Things you'll need are: Data-grinder, USB-wrenches, card tong, cryptokeys (forged), zip pliers, Defragmagneto, BIOS chisel, CPU lubricant, a weld and a datamachine to modify.
Things you'll need are: Data-grinder, USB-wrenches, card tong, cryptokeys (forged), zip pliers, Defragmagneto, BIOS chisel, CPU lubricant, a weld and a datamachine to modify.
When the discs have finally come lööse, keep them in order and don't mixem up
If you have Windows on your Data machine, You'll find the OS on the top disc, you'll recognize it easily, it's much heavier then the rest of the discs. If you use Linux, then you'll of course don't need to do this operation at all...
If you have Windows on your Data machine, You'll find the OS on the top disc, you'll recognize it easily, it's much heavier then the rest of the discs. If you use Linux, then you'll of course don't need to do this operation at all...
Any opinions expressed on this page are not in fact mine but were forced on me at gunpoint by the University of Auckland.
I should control Cole with a microchip on his head with a BASIC program that makes him bite people.
I NEVER rely on my own memory, as I have determined that is not only faulty, but actively working against me.
Personally, I like sendmail. I'm rather proud of being able to hand-edit /etc/mail/sendmail.cf. I also know a guy who is proud of being able to crush full beer cans against his forehead. Neither is something ou really want to brag about, however.
It's hard to make money on selling microprocessors when your ASP is $50. You might as well sell curling irons at that point.
How could a competing company ever hope to reverse-engineer the 1/4" to mini plug? It's like reverse-engineering light!
Honestly, this goat is neither a member of Opposite Day nor named Chester Copperpot. He will eat your shoe, however, if needed to.
Heck, we want one so we can hear the front door bell go rather than being drowned out by fans whirring on the XP2000+ we use for day to day jobs.
These are my good clothes! I'm goin' to a
weddin'!!!
weddin'!!!
Bagel, Bagel, made of grain, personified
product, of the food-chain.
product, of the food-chain.
Asking the wrong question is the leading cause of wrong answers.
In our experience, *all* computer experts drink. That's usually how they ended up as computer experts...
I'm sorry, at this time we can not process your request. All cancellation
requests must be written in Kanji, include your father's maiden name, and
the name of the girl who sat beside you during third grade math class.
Please resubmit your cancellation request at your earliest convenience.
requests must be written in Kanji, include your father's maiden name, and
the name of the girl who sat beside you during third grade math class.
Please resubmit your cancellation request at your earliest convenience.
We have gone from a world of concentrated knowledge and wisdom to one of distributed ignorance. And we know and understand less while being increasingly capable.
There are only two things universal: hydrogen and stupidity.
Then, I pour hot carmel over your head and turn you into a candy apple!
Gee, your site sucks. I bet I get more unique visitors in my bedroom in one night than your site gets in a year.
Most people say sex, I say seven.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
i kick all da weaversand i smak dem hoesgettin krunk all dayyou know how it goesunh
Like much code that drops fully-formed from academia, most of it looks incomprehensibly like crashed saucer technology.
ALERTE!!! Vous avez envoye un mail avec virus!
Imma wear dis toast as a hat! Will you like me better then?
My website is slowly being rebuilt whenever I find some time to waste. I wonder who's wasting more time? Me building or you visiting.
If This Gun Were Real, I Could Shoot You and Sleep in the Big Bed With Mommy
Create your own barrier to protect yourself against interaction with people. It's easy and fun!
YOU TEH TIPERIEST GOODER MAN EYE EVAR MTE
If I met you in a scissor fight, I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone.
The Vole has some Canadian lawyers named Smart And Biggar who trawl the webways in the hunt for anything vaguely resembling the word "Microsoft". When they spot something, they fire off a thick wad of legal papers threatening all sort of catastrophes unless the owner of a given site cease, desist and hand over the name of the site to the smart-biggars.
An Evening of Sax and Bass That Will Leave You Cheering For More!
It all fits together in a nice German way.
It scares me that there are 1300 more "Iceboys" on AOL.
Abandoned by his parents at age 3, he'd led a life of hard knocks, and, armed with his V-Drums made from old soup cans and chicken bones, needed a way to vent the frustrations of a misspent youth.
Robert's cost would be a little bit more for VeggieBeers served in a
thrice-recycled can.
thrice-recycled can.
The idea that you have to build everything on gentoo is entirely a misnomer. You don't actually build anything, you keep compiling, never actually reaching a full gentoo system.
...because earthlink hates "Internet Pollution" as much as I do!
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history...with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
209,565 real men came to this page and left convinced of my astute observation of their kind.
<waldo> i just learned how to look at event logs!
<@wade> I just learned that a shovel is the tool of the devil
Of course, everyone needs "Homebuying for Dummies" and a complimentary lesson in Krav Maga to fight like an Israeli soldier unless you're a home owner who is in the Israeli Army.
These'll grow ya' some nice fish corn bushes!
I am Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
What if his rocket goes out
of control and hits a school bus full of nuns.
of control and hits a school bus full of nuns.
The inverted hoofenplat bisects the schlangofloof traversing all points and vertices combined frationally.
I don't wanna ever hear no more about no pedals or ill eat your drums too!
Mental instability is your main problem. Everything else is just a symptom of that.
While you're at it you could build a second machine running a couple of Athlon 64s in parallel and see how fast your emails open up then.
< IXJ159> what are the wireless networks bands 802.11.a, b, and g?
<@B|GZ> I use the 'wtf' band a lot
<@B|GZ> I use the 'wtf' band a lot
Wi-Fi is as secure as your virginity in the Zone, in Old Taipei.
Although my grandmother has about 300GB of warez, hackz, crackz, cheatz, pr0n, and MP3s stored away on her nitrogen-cooled dual-RAID systems, she is no thief. She's simply keeping them for a friend.
I heard that iBooks can only be used in Starbucks.
Any technology which creates abundance poses problems for any process which existed to benefit from scarcity.
At this point in my life, I don't care if I'm in any trouble or not.
You're like a spider with a huge web, and they are retarded flies.
l33tw00tELOHELtehubar
You popped your logic cherry.
Receiving thousands of emails from slow-witted boorish morons can be amusing sometimes.
If there is a fire without carnage, what was the point of the fire?
Ambient intelligence has thus far failed to remove the grizzly signs of a hangover from the morning's reflection, we note.
BOW TO ME! I'M AM THE BUCKETHEAD!
<@Moonwick> man, I'm getting tired of FreeBSD security advisories.
<hoyhoy> I'm indifferent to security advisories.
<bumper> I'm lukewarm to your indifference.
<hoyhoy> I'm indifferent to security advisories.
<bumper> I'm lukewarm to your indifference.
Lawd jesus...what IS that? That's not a web site!
Dude you must know nothing about imports. That car has at least 30 stickers on it. At 10 HP per sticker that car has over 300 hp plus the stock 60. The exhaust would add 50 hp and the spoiler 20 hp. That car has to be a total of 430 horsepower. Any import racer knows its a 10 second car.
You know what I always say? Punch their kittens in the throat!
If I can fit in your mammy's bed, I can fit in Maryland.
Now what are you going to do? Cry about it...Fatty?
We want Extreme Segway and we want it now.
14:14 <hoyhoy> /exec emp_gun fire university of dayton -intensity 10.2345 -frequency 2404.128 MHz
14:14 <hoyhoy> oops
14:15 -!- SteakUM03_ [SteakUM03@login.oscar.aol.com] has quit [Leaving...]
14:14 <hoyhoy> oops
14:15 -!- SteakUM03_ [SteakUM03@login.oscar.aol.com] has quit [Leaving...]
I'm going deep into the meadow to be touched at an angle!
Or are you in Nebraska? Which is very much like jail.
It's taking the state so long to complete 183 because every stone support beam has to be engraved with a Texas star.
The wait i'm typing..i think i have scramble.pl in my brain
OMG, Office 2003 just upped my productivity 192%
I was seduced by the Brazilian toungue.
He's like Meatloaf and Cher combined!
Pi - The fragrance for mathematicians - a special aromatic blend of pheremones to compensate for mild social retardation.
!#/usr/bin/wtfwasidoing
[The RIAA] is like the show-business equivalent of the Taliban.
And Nintendo - creators of such blood filled orgies of violence as Mario and Pokemon.
I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Whilst dexterously holding the Gudgeon assemblage betwixt the fingers, offer it up to the Crankshaft.
This isn't just IRC anymore.. That's like 10 years ago... This is REAL LIFE now!
Sorry... Can't do the old man, but the ants, that's doable.
The intarweb is my work.
I AM THE SOUP! BOW TO ME!
Willy-nilly pimpadelic uber-nougat.
Tony can only play drums when he wears his shoes with the roses on them.
Among the positions in which pigeons have served capably are replacement air traffic controllers, butterfly ballot counters and pro football referees during the "no-instant replay" years.
f u cn rd ths u hv bn sld a bk wth n vwls
Sometimes it's best not to be involved in a creative situation with the person who controls whehter or not you get any.
I invented the intraweb.
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Hey, thanks! Friendster provides a needeed creative outlet for me. If not for friendster I would have to go back to lying in police reports.
He was way ahead of the curve in incorporating numerics into his name too.
I thought it was great that somebody had finally made a record of a mad scientist.
Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work.
I am trying to use the weapons of a disoriented and unhappy society against itself.
Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
When the power goes out, I curse everybody, I curse God. I curse Saddam Hussein. And I curse the Americans.
<@hoyhoy> using openbsd as a desktop is kind of like putting a whistle on a plow, not many people do it, but, ultimately, it's not very worthwhile.
< waldo|home*gt; um.. explain?
<@hoyhoy> exactly
< waldo|home*gt; um.. explain?
<@hoyhoy> exactly
I am new in America! Thank you eBay for wonderful wife! I will beat her often!
We'd suggest the Federal Government get Intel to write the operating systems. Chipzilla is very good at this, you know. Plus it is untainted by antitrust convictions. And it knows about electricity, too.
We're not The Star, every page of which seems to show a scantily clad lady, combined with a story about soccer star David Beckham and some daft article about mobile phones.
We do hope that both TMTA and AMD are paying their engineers enough and not just splurging the whole lot on marchitecture, on logos or fancy names like E-fission.
No one likes to be ignored, but some people need it.
Liberal use of expletives, shouting, and slamming down the phone tends to expedite your trouble ticket's resolution.
There would be no average intelligence level if 50% of the population was not BELOW
average intelligence.
average intelligence.
I fully undestand the grassroots and communal nature of this beast, but a haiku by the idiotic is not helping anyone.
I go skinnydipping and think of you when the fish are nibbling my reef.
I know from the emails I get that a fair number of you are holed up in Wyoming basements surrounded by automatic weapons, livestock and racks of cassettes filled with analysis of the Book of Revelations you've recorded off talk radio.
Personally, I wouldn't have cared if Richard showed up in a clown suit, but you have to admit that introducing your lectures by demonstrating Bulgarian folk dancing could easily be viewed as unprofessional by the more staid members of the audience. Even if you were wearing a tie.
If it ain't broke, it will be soon.
Schools and prisons are the two places where the boundaries of opression are explored for later use in the populace.
moo(){ moo|moo& };moo
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake
Corollaries:
(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
Corollaries:
(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
Have you ever noticed that one of the hardest things to do in life is to paint a mustache on a bear?
/etc/hosts. H-O-S-T-S, _not_ H-O-S-T-E-S-S, the latter makes low-cost baked goods and/or seats you at a restaurant, the former resolves domain names.
You smell like some $bling.
I thought it was nice to be able so far to someone else's country in the
Far East to show how the culture has evolved where your from. To go there
in the name of music 'cause a lot of times when people travel that far,
like from the military, and you have high rank and stuff, it's about war.
It was nice to be able to go there and celebrate our differences. You
know, like when we went there, we wanted to hear their indigenous music.
We could go and hear them do the American thing, but to hear where their
roots were from was really interesting. And to travel so far to celebrate
the differences was cool, the idea that we have come all this way, and
we're not coming to blow up anybody.
Far East to show how the culture has evolved where your from. To go there
in the name of music 'cause a lot of times when people travel that far,
like from the military, and you have high rank and stuff, it's about war.
It was nice to be able to go there and celebrate our differences. You
know, like when we went there, we wanted to hear their indigenous music.
We could go and hear them do the American thing, but to hear where their
roots were from was really interesting. And to travel so far to celebrate
the differences was cool, the idea that we have come all this way, and
we're not coming to blow up anybody.
You have to give your audience some credit for intelligence. I think that people enjoy listening to music that's a bit more complex. A lot of people might not know that they would enjoy it if they had a chance. So, it's unfortunate that it's hard to get the music to those people.
Sometimes we'll do clinics and they want to know how we do what we do. And I say, a lot of times it's not so much how you did it, it's that you did it at all.
I'm afraid that computing science has suffered from the popularity of the
Internet. It has attracted an increasing - not to say: overwhelming! -
number of students with very little scientific inclination and in research
it has only strengthened the prevailing and somewhat vulgar obsession with
speed and capacity.
Internet. It has attracted an increasing - not to say: overwhelming! -
number of students with very little scientific inclination and in research
it has only strengthened the prevailing and somewhat vulgar obsession with
speed and capacity.
Too few people today recognize that the high technology so celebrated
today is essentially a mathematical technology.
today is essentially a mathematical technology.
I don't need to waste time with a computer because I am a computer
scientist.
scientist.
All the good music has already been written by guys with wigs and stuff.
I am sincerely apologetic... Please please take it down. If you any shred of decency please. This is all wrong. Please take it off.
You were nice to me. Yes you were. Very thoughtful. Few people are that decent.
Knowledge will forever govern ignorance, and a people who mean to be their own governors, must arm themselves with the power knowledge gives.
The Pope bought his Pope Hat on eBay. You didn't know that, did u? OUTSTANDING!
You can be thankful that Iomega's CEO doesn't seem to be like SCO's, otherwise they would have despatched a team of rabid lawyers parachuting over Panasonic's Tokyo offices by now.
Thirteen out of 5 greeks agree LCDs are better than enuchs.
In my case, these delusions of grandeur usually pass in a few hours time. A good night's sleep should help too.
manager: are you busy?
employee: does it involve more money for me?
manager: no.
employee: then I'm busy.
employee: does it involve more money for me?
manager: no.
employee: then I'm busy.
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
If I wanted some excitement in my life, I'd take up bungee jumping. Updating glibc is crazy.
I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Three out of 7 geeks disagree that BSD may or may not be better than Linux.
Sniff glue, worship stan, drink beer.
I'm not a robot like you. I don't like having disks crammed into me, unless they're Oreos, and then, only in the mouth.
Oil drains? Riatas' got it!
mlui> what's yr address?
jperrie> 723490werihdhjsdfu90123901 9012134012 sfh as s
mlui> i will send it there then.
jperrie> do it!
jperrie> I'll get it.
jperrie> they send everything with insane addresses to me.
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up
the pillow was gone.
the pillow was gone.
We believe that, performance wise, this chipset and dual DDR 400 support will make notebooks go like the clappers, as we don't say in Bosnia.
If my office had a urinal I would never leave.
Like almost everyone, I receive a lot of spam every day, much of it offering to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It's ridiculous.
I happen to like the refined flavor of potted meat.
I'm not paying anyone to wash my hands.
Once, there was a young frnht in a village
far far away. Then he sprouted horns and retired to a brothel to grow cabbages. The end.
far far away. Then he sprouted horns and retired to a brothel to grow cabbages. The end.
Thanks man! I just about had it with that talking toaster.
Boy, you sure are stupid. Were you making up names of files or what? I mean, I've seen some pretend file names in my day, but come on! it's like you're not even trying. In closeing, go away.
Broken Gates!? Riata's Got It!
If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10
apostles.
apostles.
I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet trucks. But to be brutally frank, women as a group have a long way to go before they reach the level of intensity and dedication to sports that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it
once was ... an arctic wilderness.
once was ... an arctic wilderness.
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest
in a yak.
in a yak.
He who findeth sensuous pleasures in the bodies of lush, hot, pink
damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for
the people.
the people.
Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
All a hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair of UUOs, and a warm
place to shift.
place to shift.
Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
Western science.
religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
Western science.
Disco is to music what an Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
The person with one watch knows what time it is, the person with two watches is never sure.
I have discovered that all human evil comes from this - man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Include the entire text with your article, and include your comments
between the lines. Be sure to post, and not mail, even though your article
looks like a reply to the original. Everybody *loves* to read those long
point-by-point debates, especially when they evolve into name-calling and
lots of "Is too!" -- "Is not!" -- "Is too, twizot!" exchanges.
between the lines. Be sure to post, and not mail, even though your article
looks like a reply to the original. Everybody *loves* to read those long
point-by-point debates, especially when they evolve into name-calling and
lots of "Is too!" -- "Is not!" -- "Is too, twizot!" exchanges.
There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're talking
about.
about.
NOTICE: Anyone seen smoking will be assumed to be on fire and will be summarily put out.
Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes
a-begging.
a-begging.
## why, dear god, why?
rm -f $RPM_BUILD_ROOT%{_datadir}/aclocal/gob2.m4
rm -f $RPM_BUILD_ROOT%{_datadir}/aclocal/gob2.m4
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
Bikinis are a crucial part towards developing peace in the Middle East.
There is no agenda, but Rudi will be bringing a pesto yogurt cheese torte. If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what would.
One time we were all bombed-out drinking and tried to cluster 16 Zaureses at Circuit City in a failed and misguided attempt to get listed on top500.org.
fo oh fo
Are you the Associate Service Specialist for Hardware and Technology aka A.S.S.H.A.T. for your company?
I'd call it "Windex." Or do you think some other company has already trademarked that name?
She's a nice girl, but has the tendency to teter on the edge of mental instability.
Vannila Ice is the exact opposite of Hot Chocolate.
Basic web surfing means navigating through web sites whose inspiration for their baroque overdesign seems to have been Donald Trump's wedding cake.
If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.
What this world needs is more mathematicians and more Sadaam Husseins.
Dull people talk about other people, average people talk about events, and intelligent people explore ideas.
Fuller Breasts, Guaranteed. Try it the natural way.
<Saxgod> The rules for Fight Club are much more exciting then the rules for Sam's Club.
The waffle iron is a nice feature, but it KILLS the battery.
The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
Butter tastes so good on bread. I enjoyed the sample you sent. I didn't share.
Crustaceans live in the ocean. You're not like them! B-
I was once told that HOTDOGS are the foods of CHAMPIONS. Then I tripped and fell.
I'm originally from Japan. Becky8 rhymes with vegetable drawer in Japanese.
The box you sent was open-proof. I had to use a BIG KNIFE and act MENACING. Bad!
Has intestinal FORTITUDE!!! Eats PORTIONED meals!!! Enjoys NOURISHMENT!!!
Rainbows are pretty, I don't know why I shoot at them.
World's Wildest Backup Failures
You are not welcome here. Please leave now.
Small fonts maximize the bandwidth through my ocular interface.
I am like a flower. If no one protects me, I will die soon.
Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.
I was firing a handgun into my bathtub filled with water to complete my experiments.
Oxymoron of the day: Government Organisation
Where is the recycle bin in dos?
<FreshBrew> IM DONT MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
<kolby> you still in english?
<kolby> you still in english?
<Marcus28> Triangle Audio out of Rectangle, TX.
<Marcus28> They are in a small circular building in Diamond Square.
<Marcus28> They are in a small circular building in Diamond Square.
Lollygagging is _not_ a form of Dutch Pornography.
<wade> lean pockets taste terrible
<dtj> not if you slather them in butter
<dtj> not if you slather them in butter
This is the sort of English up with which I shall not put
Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backward.
I'd better quit before my jaw gets knocked slonchwise.
Wireless Internet helps learning about as much as wired Internet increases my productivity.
Debugging is at least twice as hard as writing the program in the first place. So if your code is as clever as you can possibly make it, then by definition you're not smart enough to debug it.
ARE YOU FED UP of living life your own way? Do you get withdrawal symptoms every time you step away from Outlook? Are you convinced that Microsoft doesn't control enough of your life? Fear not! The beast of Redmond is about to invade it even more.
4ny0n3 h4v3 w1nd03Z Xp33 3r33t 3d1701n? 1'm 3r33t h4x0rZ!!!!11!!!1
You should understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the language of the 'streets' as it were.
The first time he opened a box of Cheerios he thought they were donut seeds.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war.
No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
I read the newspapers avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction.
Together we add up, divided we're just a fraction.
So engrossed was the Butcher he heeded them not, as he wrote with a pen in each hand.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I'd like 10 mg of Zorbanthanol and 5 mg of Triglyptomax please.
My cervix has super regenerative capability.
We thought people who used Apple Macs used the machines as their personalities....
Hard drives, scanners, printers, keyboards, all crap. Strangely enough, now that I think of it, there seems to be an exception: monitors. Back in the days when you could use a HP scanner to pound a LaserJet under a house (without damaging either one) to support a sagging foundation, monitors were really expensive, and it seemed like I had to replace them often. It's been a long time since I had to replace a monitor for any reason other than "I want to."
Tough. We will keep billing you for several more months to ensure we get
our money's worth. If you don't like it, get another job to pay for it.
our money's worth. If you don't like it, get another job to pay for it.
Our poetry is strong. Your poetry is for wusses.
U.S. government officials would serve as 'shadow ministers' to oversee Baghdad's bureaucracies." American education bureaucrats would likewise "obtain payroll lists and assess teacher salaries," and no doubt advise Iraq's teachers on the finer points of dulling young and potentially seditious minds beyond the point of redemption.
Even if Bill Gates was dead, we don't particularly see why share prices should fall anyway, but then no one understands how stock exchanges work, least of all traders and financial analysts.
re: real nappies not fitting - we couldn't get our lad into
them for about 3 months after he was born because of his
crash diet and subsequent refusal to put on weight. We
explained to him about biodegrading, etc, but he was so
rude, kept going "waa waa waaaa"
them for about 3 months after he was born because of his
crash diet and subsequent refusal to put on weight. We
explained to him about biodegrading, etc, but he was so
rude, kept going "waa waa waaaa"
My government rained hellfire on a third-world country and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
If there were a building that stood for grammatical integrity, this email would be the plane that crashed into it.
What I don't understand is why they repeat the news so often if they supposedly have so much news to report that it's necessary to scroll additional news across the bottom.
My MTV addict daughter has finally conceded that I have indeed succeeded in making my garden more interesting than tv - and it's all down to Beckith's superb guide. Stephanie was enthralled as I filled the garden with posters of consumer goods and junk food and skateboarded into a barrel of toxic effluent.
I think as a homage to Steve Bourne we should accept # as the true comment format. Did you ever see Bourne Identity? Steve Bourne could seriously whoop BWK, DMR, and Stroutstrup at the same time.
I've always been a fan of *not* commenting at all, *not* using carriage
returns, making ample use of the ? and sequencing operator, and doing as
many operations as possible in parameter lists. This insures job security
and makes mere mortals aware of your ninja-like coding ability.
returns, making ample use of the ? and sequencing operator, and doing as
many operations as possible in parameter lists. This insures job security
and makes mere mortals aware of your ninja-like coding ability.
IBMers and Ph.D's are typically low risk in terms of bustin the place up.
I would tell the spammer in no uncertain terms that spammers' days are numbered, just like junk faxers and other scam artists who exploited a brief window of vulnerability. Of course, then the spammer would laugh in my face because that's what sociopaths like to do when confronted. But, as the expression goes, we'll see who laughs last.
Is involution.com headquarters your pantalones?
You're getting schmagma on your Sacagawea!
if you kill the joe, make some mo' | I got some pineapple fanta and YOU don't
I don't care what you say about our Military, they buy damn good jacket liners.
Don't bring that weak-ass stuff up in this humpty bumpy! You kill the joe, you make some moe! You know that baby! Else you in fo' a long day! A looooooong day!
This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.
Does it make you kind of mad that you have to reason with me while I'm wearing this enormous balloon hat?
...and trogdor smote the kerrek. and all was laid to burnination.
Violins are the first refuge of the incontinent.
Violence is the first refuge of the incoherent.
Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent.
When I was a kid, all my parents gave me was a brick to play with. If I complained about the brick, my dad would drop kick me in the throat and I'd realize how ungrateful I was being.
I've decided that from now on, every time I see the phrase "save a tree, send an email," I'm going to promptly crumple up a clean sheet of paper and throw it away, just out of spite.
Computers ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FRIENDLY. They're meant to be complex and intimidating. If you can't figure it out, you fail. You're off the team.
Nothing's greater than positive infinity, except maybe a ham sandwich. That reminds me of a joke...
Engineering and Computer Science people make lots of money; Math people live happy lives.
It turns out that Kodak slide carosels rotate in the same direction in both hemispheres
Higher clock speed is is a negative rather than positive.
Wowee its cold!
A real engineer needs only two tools: WD-40 if it sticks, duct tape if it doesn't. Everything else is just details.
I'm still in a quandry as to whether I like pastrami or not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Howzat?
There's no need for college, we could all be subsistence farmers.
I carry a death-ray in my fanny pack.
I got a Super Galacticacon 3.49X Star Treck Phaser-ignited holideck player.
This email campaign seems akin too dropping specially trained pigeons that can deliver a payload direct to politicans' noddles, in a coordinated attack with ninja mice on politicians' toes.
If you're wearing a jacket or using a blanket, please be sure that the seatbelt is fastened on the outside so I won't have the pleasure of waking you.
Everything left onboard the aircraft after you depart will be equally divided among the flight attendants.
If you're seated next to a child or an adult acting like a large child please put on your mask then assist the other person.
By 2010, microprocessors will have the processing power of the brain of a bumblebee.
Now I now what fast food is: GARBAGE.
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old peoples' medicine for fuel. WARNING: Persons denying the existence of robots may be robots themselves.
I reckons that after a point has been argued for more than 10 posts or so every one should switch sides.
Don't worry about anything... Go out and have a good time.
Vomiting is the body's way of telling you there's room for more alcohol.
Your IBM ThinkPad is being returned to you unrepaired, due to the presense of an offensive of biological hazard.
I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.
I once thought that I'd start the company "Thift Watch".
Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, "within reason." When I asked her what she meant by "within reason," she said, "You ask a lot of questions for a garbage man."
Your root authority is a subset of my root authority.
Yes, I'm sure Jesus does love me, but how does he feel about you defacing public property to tell me so?
The time it takes your favorite application to complete a given task doubles with each new revision.
Europe is the birthplace of the Web, with a wealthy, technically literate population, a network infrastructure that rivals that of the US and a rich cultural and political tradition which can counter US constitutional imperialism.
Design and programming are human activities; forget that and all is lost.
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do.
You are bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
Never fight an inanimate object.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Does the security chip prevent the robots from becoming sentient?
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
When I grow-up, I want to be a computer
Optimized with Microsoft Intellispeed Technology
THANK YOU FOR YOUR FORM LETTER BUT IF I HAD MONEY FOR A PHONE I WOULD NOT BE EATING YORU SOUPS NOW WOULD I
My phat grooves are so money that you don't even know it.
I have a phat groove too, please don't touch it...
Please send me a case of diet coke, four sugar free twinkies, one bag of Iam's adult formula cat food, and seventeen dollars in mixed Croatian coins. Then I'll consider sending you the information you requested.
I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.... One day I got a call... it was from a woman in France.... She said "Cut it out"....
I am a programmer. On my 1040 form, this is what I put down as my occupation.
My doctor was telling me I had ADD. He said, ADD is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah. I didn't pay attention to the rest.
He's got the heart of a child, and he keeps it in a jar on his desk
/* you are not expected to understand this */
hoyhoy>warlock, you're age won't be a prime number again until 2/11/2005 warlock> Thank you, Tony Perrie, Numerologist! hoyhoy> I guess that means you've passed your prime. :)
The odds on a compression claim turning out to be true are always identical to the compression ratio claimed.
If you've been pounding nails with your forehead for years, it may feel strange the first time someone hands you a hammer. But that doesn't mean that you should strap the hammer to a headband just to give your skull that old familiar jolt.
With the crummy raises Sandia's giving, it's getting hard to steal enough office equipment to keep up with inflation.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
I suspect that Ginger will have the same paradigm-shifting properties as past Jobs and Bezos-funded innovations, much like "one-click shopping" or the Ipod.
For dogs, surely, Ginger is proof of God's infinite love and generosity.
When it comes to computer security, paranoia is not enough.
There is no key. There is never a key! You don't need one. Not if you're the real McCoy! Not if you can clockchip your car computer to get an extra two miles an hour out of the old Rustang before it drops it's driveshaft after the excess vibration. Not if you remember the heady days of a card punch machine that was so loud it had the pensioners down the road digging trenches and sorting out their meat rations.
I don't have an attention-span anymore, except for candies.
Last night, I was putting down a 20 oz Yoohoo, eating some beef jerky, and installing Redhat 7.2 on a 1 GHz Athlon with 1024 MB of memory. Life doesn't get much better than that.
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.
When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive.
You are caller 473. Your call will be handled in a similiar order to the way cards get dealt in Freecell.
The US TV news channels are a byword abroad for tacky sensationalism and cheap sentimentality, and for generally being dumber than a dumb bell...
Think about a school teacher with a piece of chalk and a blackboard competing with the minds of children inundated with commercials that have million dollar production values for 30 seconds...
If you set road kill on fire, and shoot it with a gun, it makes a pretty cool explosion.
Stereotype? Hell... They're all that way!
"Woot" is derived from the original canterbury tales manuscript, on page 234, the quote, "Thee haveth some woot soup". It has since been used by the elite haX0r community as an adjective or even as an objective to exclaim the "coolness" or "good karma" of something. Also, I just made all of this up.
Everything I say, everything I do!
Everyday life, supersaturated with images and jingles, makes intellectual life look hopelessly sluggish, burdensome, difficult. In a video-game world, the play of intellect the search for validity, the willingness to entertain many hypotheses, the respect for difficulty, the resistance to hasty conclusions looks like retardation.
I don't know what browser i'm using... What is a browser? I have AOL. Does that help any?
Christmas touches me in a special way. The way it touches me is so special that I'm almost ashamed.
Do you like my Chocolate Cat?
Is suck a word?
Bob Ney is a nabob.
What's l33+?
It's going to blow up like E-Nitro!
PHP stands for Paul Hagan Productions
Owwwwww! I'm funky
Are you enough with computers around you all the time? you are going to be in IBM with millions of expensive computers already.... do you need this but something else to make your life more interesting??
We had corn, and lots of it too. Mama said we could eat corn until we turned into corn ourselves... Yep it was the breastsummer I can remember... Sucka.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
I know this may be an awkward time, but do you recall him ever mentioning source code.
This computer hauls!
Sometimes Resin is da bomb diggity homeslice... Sometimes
Resin is da bomb diggity homeslice
Rise little dough ball!
Sometimes I get car sick... Sometimes.
FTP stands for file transfer protocol
We're gettin our Pokemon Snack On!
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15."I said, "the middle of August? Cool!"
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
People are always talkin' bout that Internet and them Y2K bugs and we had potato bugs once, but they didn't cause no crashin' er nothin', but Uncle Earl did wreck the tractor into the barn once, but that wasn't caused by no 'tater bugs.
It's just a country town but patients come from Mobile to Moline from miles around Nagodoches to New Orleans in beat-up old cars or in limousines to meet the doctor of soul, he's got his very own thing.
Everything I need to know, I learned in Sniper school.
It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.
Only a ninja can kill another ninja
You do the lookin' I'll do the cookin'
Ghetto or boujay?
Whenever possible, steal code.
You need a diploma to work at McDonalds. I heard some things.
Laugh while you can, Monkey Boy...
Don't make me repeat myself in my own house
Perhaps I overestimated
On a Scale of 1 to 10: It was kick ass!
Plan to throw one away, you will anyhow.
Plan to throw one away, you will throw away two.
Please don't empty my brain! I spent my whole life trying to fill it up!
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
There ain't no rules around here! We're trying to accomplish something!
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?"I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it."
Well, I've never worked as a mechanic, but this is one thing I do know. When you jack up the rear end of the tractor to replace the muffler bearings, you gotta remember to unscrew the race out, COUNTER clockwise (remember: rightie tightie, leftie loosie). UNLESS you are SOUTH of the equator, in which case, you need to unscrew the race CLOCKwise. The threads are reversed...it has something to do with the correallis effect and heavy gravity...or something like that. If you get confused, just watch the direction the water drains out of a bathtub. It's reversed south of the equator. Honest
A career is a job that has gone on too long.
I like to fight, I like dogs, I like to fight dogs.
Consequences, shmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
Press the button Max.
Is a polar bear a rectangular bear after a coordinate transfer?
I believe that you should live every day as if it were your last which is why I don't have any clean laundry because c'mon who wants to do laundry on the last day of your life
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . oohh, that's much better
So, I walk backstage, and there he was, Chester Burnett, the inventor of Rock and Roll. I had a brand new Stratocaster with me, and I hold it up to him, and say, "Man!.. Play my guitar." He turns around and says, "F*** off."
What I can not create I can not understand.
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Actually I'm not very proud of that period, but it kept me out of school y'know. One would say that it kept me off the streets, but I have to say that it kept me out of school.
In 5 years, OS/2 will be the answer to a trivia question.
Typing lpq will allow you to view the printer queue. If the queue is large, then type lpq | more. The number of spaces between lpq and more must greater than 1 and the number of spaces between | and more must also be greater then 1.
Forty-two
Do or do not, there is no try
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
The only true standard is death.
The only use I can find for vi is editing the emacs sources while porting them to a new machine.
After three days without programming, life becomes meaningless.
No, it is a very interesting number, it is the smallest number expressible as a sum of two cubes in two different ways.
The Feynman Problem-Solving Algorithm: (1) write down the problem; (2) think very hard; (3) write down the answer.
Hey! Does anybody know how to use that grep program?
So what if I'm trading Quicken for a waterbed! You're turn signal doesn't even work.
It is through science that we prove, but through intuition that we discover.
Plato is my friend, Aristotle is my friend, but my greatest friend is truth.
It may well wait a century for a reader, as God has waited six thousand years for an observer.
R2D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.
If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
Information is not knowledge; knowledge is not wisdom; wisdom is not truth.
Education does not preclude ignorance.
The important thing is to never stop questioning.
Nice dog.
I'm throwing my snowflakes in a bag. Screw this heterogeneous list tom-foolery.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs.
You see things and say 'Why?'; but I dream things that never were and I say 'Why not?'
If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is looking, then kick a burning log out of the fireplace onto the carpet. Then jump on top of it with your body and yell, "Log o' fire! Log o' fire!" I've never done this, but I think it'd work.
You know you're addicted to the Internet when your night dreams are in HTML
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
I want to get a tatoo of myself on my entire body only 2" taller
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
Computer science is not as old as physics; it lags by a couple of hundred years. However, this does not mean that there is significantly less on the computer scientist's plate than on the physicist's: younger it may be, but it has had a far more intense upbringing!
I know how to count to 10 in Ichythian. Unfortunately, there are no Ichythians around to appreciate this feat….. or tell me if I’m wrong.