Insane+ Certification Test IPCT001

  1. Intel and The Government stole computer technology from:
    1. Crashed saucer technology grokked from Area 51
    2. Brain waves from martians intercepted by Hubble
    3. Reconnaisance obtained from black helicopters in whisper mode
    4. Linus Torvalds’ outhouse walls
    5. The FBI raid of Nikola Tesla’s house
    6. Randy ‘Macho Man’ Savage

  2. What do most Linux users use to input commands on a terminal?
    1. Typewriter
    2. Mental telepathy
    3. The necronomicon
    4. LUNIX KANT TYP3
    5. DVORAK mapped Model-M keyboards with <Ctrl> mapped to <Caps Lock>
    6. AOL-ENABLED KEYBOARDS WITH <CAPS LOCK> ALWAYS ON!!! OMG R0X0R!

  3. If j00 h4b sK|lLz, y0u are teh r0x0r!!$!!$41!! \/\/H4t is y0uR f4\/0uR|t3 cH3ezz3?
    1. fourty-two
    2. @#$!#$(!#(!# bsfajsdf
    3. Bjarne Stroustrup
    4. meow
    5. w3rd

  4. Eleventy billion plus infinity minus Carl = ?
    1. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow!
    2. 7
    3. teh b00j?
    4. whazzat!?
    5. whazzit!?

  5. What’s the recommended wireless setup today?
    1. 899.11wgx7.%.42.uLtRa-TYPE-R
    2. Cans with strings duck-taped to walkie-talkies.
    3. Redbeard now with MMX!
    4. Shouting Morse Code
    5. Pheremones
    6. Wiring a Telephone Modem into a HAM RADIO
    7. Plugging a Cisco ATA 186 into an Aironet 350 Bridge into a v.92 Modem

  6. What is the best Operating System ever created?
    1. FSF/GNU HURD
    2. Plan 9
    3. CP/M
    4. ADMIRAL
    5. RM/COS
    6. VRX
    7. ih4b 0p3R4t||\|G 5yyySt3m dat’ i w0te f0′ da aTarI 2600!

  7. If Bill Gates and a bowl of potato salad got into a fight, how would
    you represent the winnar in Bin-Hex?
    1. hoo hoo dilly
    2. appendix surgery
    3. <html> <head> GRAVITYTEST IS r0x0r</nottehsux>
    4. ham
    5. One time, I remember when he got hit in the face with a cream pie by some guy in france that used to try to do that to famous people that would come to the town that he lived in. That was really funny. He got so mad, and the police came and tackled the pie throwing guy, and it really looked like it hurt a lot. Whatever happened to that pie throwing guy after that? I think something nefarious could have happened to him because he upset a person with a lot of money, and whenever a person with a lot of money gets mad about stuff they start a war or something, or I somebody told me that one time. I’m not really sure now, but he did get really mad about the pie, I’m at least sure of that. I think.
    6. Parse the XML, cause that’s what you always do when the
      world’s in need of savin’

  8. Once upon a time, there lived a little boy who got lost in
    the woods. Thankfully, he found a terminal in the side
    of an old oak tree running bonobo. how do you stop bears from
    mauling him by only using beef bouillon and a sock? (In code, please.)
    1. 0;
    2. because you can’t put in a light bulb with a pork chop!
    3. find . -name “*.8123hv” -a -type f -exec perl -i -pe ‘s/bears/cats/g;’ \{\} \;
    4. x^=bunny_rabbit++>>2<<2>>1&1&8?3:2;
    5. dogs
    6. would you care for some dry meal?
    7. Old oak trees running bonobo in terminal are extinct.

      8. except in antarctica. this is probably a trick.

    8. fall for it! fall for the trick!
    9. burmese tiger pits
    10. airport closed. people coughing yellow phlegm.

  9. The UART in your PC is an 8250. You have installed an
    external ISDN Terminal Adapter on your computer. You are not
    getting the full speed of an ISDN line. You must replace the
    UART with which chip set?
    1. I bent my wookie
    2. Feels like burning
    3. Why? Dear God, Why?
    4. I wrote a song about UARTs one time.
    5. ISDN lines are teh suck, have a 4 gigawatt connection to my brain
      now, but the government tries to provision the line.
    6. 78901237890123789werohasdhfanjscd 0- 1`901`0-23~
    7. Celeron marshmallow bits
    8. UART is for losers. it means UARTehsux! PwnZ0r!!!!1

  10. Aluminum foil can be used effectively:
    1. To prevent aliens from stealing your brain waves
    2. As a protective exoskeleton to keep invisible bugs out of your skin
    3. To do cool stuff in the mAcrowave when the TV is all busted up from
      hitting it too hard because it ‘wasn’t being funny anymore’ e.g.
      the ‘brightness’ knob didn’t seem to work. Everything was dull and
      boring.
    4. To shield your magic shoelaces from evil goblins who try to steal
      them for fuel.
    5. To prevent your mommy from finding out about your bed wetting
      problem.
    6. To construct a makeshift leak to transport you to a magical
      alternate
      dimension where people acknowledge your brilliance and accept you
      as the talented individual you always knew you were but in the
      real world that fact was always masked by Draconian corporate
      policies that
      rob you of your individuality and soul and make you painfully
      mediocre.
    7. As an abrasive to scrape the evil cornias out of your eyeballs that
      make you see the world throught the eyes of Cthulhu

  11. Who discovered the Intraweb?
    1. Magical Pixies who hail from Meepzorp, a planet in the fourth
      quadrant of the Clarion system.
    2. Christopher Columbus right after he got done destroying all of
      the Nazis the took it over from the war of 1812.
    3. drammin’ drammin’ DRAMMIN’ DRAMMIN’ HOLLIN!
    4. Druids that stacked Triominos so high they saw God, and she told
      them where it was.
    5. Daddy
    6. I don’t know about no intarweb but one time I was eating a hot dog,
      and then I tripped and fell. Coincidence?
    7. Archaeologists excavating water from the bottom of the
      Pacific Ocean trying to build special bottom water traps
      that stop my ideas from making it out into the ether.
    8. Those Lego men. A whole lot of them, ’cause it takes a lot of
      Lego men to get anything done when all their hands are
      shaped like little ‘C’s
    9. Wasn’t it somebody on TV? I like TV a lot better n teh
      intarewub because they cant lie on TV especially that
      time where they caught a crazy bug-eyed spaceman and made
      himso mad that he did this dance on TV. LIVE!
    10. The Fabulous Carter Family

  12. Which of the following code snippets represents an algorithm to
    decode ROT-13?
    1. I’ll have a big mac with ketchup and mustard but leave
      out the olives because i tend to spew projectile vomit
      all over little kids when i eat them and sometimes its
      tough if there aren’t any around and then there’s gonna be
      truble!!!111!!11!
    2. echo “1 + 1″ | bc | xargs expr 1 + | xargs expr 4 – | xargs -i
      echo \{\} – 1 | bc

    3. # this code will never work
      # oh yes it will

      # your mother won't work
      # it's because you didn't compile her right
      ##$%^#^@$&&#%@%!$!!!!!!11!!!!! # compile this!
    4. Looks like valid Perl to me.
    5. I knew a girl named Perl once, she could suck the chrome right off of
      a bumper. She was the perfect combination of waitress and an industrial
      power Hoover vacuum. That was a helluva a summer break in 1985.
    6. My wife’s name is Perl! How dare you! I know where you live!

    7. 10 print 'Who Wants Ice Cream?'
      20 input icecream$
      30 if icecream$='i do' goto 50
      40 else goto 100
      50 print'well i ate all of it so go cry in a ditch!'
      60 divzero=(5/0)
      70 print divzero
      80 end
      100 print'well all i have is butt flavor!!!1!!11 go ride on the space shuttle blowuppenger!'
      110 goto 60
  13. How many layers are present in the standard OSI model?
    1. (1 googol)10e10πφ+ 56!π – xρ
      ∫∇√65∞↔4i-√√√(♠)∫e+∀∴π∩ξλΩ+ξ
    2. Sevenus
    3. Applicationus, Presentationus,
      Sessionus,Transportus,Networkus,DataLinkus,Physicalus
    4. If you have seen the OSI model, you may be in immediate
      danger, call 1-800-Crimestoppers and put an end to this
      madness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    5. I went to Thailand one time and picked up a bad case of OSI. It
      felt like I was peeing razors for like a month.
    6. When I think about you, I touch the hot dogs.
    7. OSI’s teeth are so bucked, she can eat corn on the cob through
      a split rail fence.
    8. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Bark. Meow! Hsssssssss. BANG! HAHAHAHAHA!
    9. The OSI model is like a layer cake! *chortle*!
    10. It’s Weiner Time!
    11. But dad, i wanna go out and play with the other kids!!! Shut up and deal!

  14. BLACK : WHITE
    1. MICROSOFT : SECURE
    2. DELL : CAREER
    3. WOMEN : RATIONAL
    4. RAINFOREST : WORTH SAVING
    5. AUSTIN : WEIRD
    6. LINUX : EASY-TO-USE
    7. KERNEL HACKER : SOCIAL BUTTERFLY

  15. A __________ describes two or more connected computers that can share
    resources.
    1. STD
    2. Joey Buttafuoco
    3. Crack Dealer
    4. Old Bathroom Sponge
    5. Esophagus Pipe-cleaners
    6. Grasshopper Thorax
    7. I donno nuthin’ bout no networks, but I collect all the old toilet
      paper roll cylinders so I can make a telescope that can look directly into
      a Solar eclipse.
    8. Mitsubishi Eclipses are kind of cool, my brother Eddy drives one, but
      he won’t let me drive it. I hate that stupid bastard. We’ll see who
      laughing last when I’m old enough to buy a gun.
    9. Weaver School
  16. You’re trying to access your Web site from home, late at night.
    Your modem connection is slow. You have a lot of graphical
    images on your Web site that you don’t need. How can you
    get to your Web site without a graphical interface?
    1. Swift and blinding violence
    2. Now, we’re cooking with gas
    3. Lynx you stupid idiot! Lynx! It’s a text-based browser! If you had
      a real damn web site you could use your stupid modem to download it over
      your grendpeppy’s AOL account. Unless you’re putting pr0n up on the
      intraweb there’s absolutely no reason to be making your site heavy on the
      jpegs. And for chrissakes, use GIFs for screenshots and indexed color
      images like backgrounds and widgets. Also, if you’re not running
      homestarrunner.com, quit using Flash. It’s lame, and no one cares. My
      proxy blocks that stupid crap anyway. God created mpeg, jpeg, and gif for
      the web. All other formats are evil except for maybe divx. I hate all of
      you. Where’s my meds!? WHERE ARE THEY?
    4. I just smurfed you! I 0wnz0r3d the channel!
    5. Uh, curl, maybe? No? Would you like a Hot Pocket?
    6. Uh, wget, maybe? No? Would you like me to put a boot so far up your
      behind that you can taste the leather?
    7. Uh, emacs +HtmlModeDeluxe maybe? No? Would you like me to drive you
      out to the deser and leave you for dead? No?
    8. /me gets out the cluestick and starts bustin’ some heads.
    9. i ran through the store one time with tape over my pee pee
      hollering where are the watermelons really loud and i
      think a lot of people thought it was funny because of the way
      they looked at me.
  17. The dynamic duo, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, created what
    type of computer that thinks different?
    1. **************DATA LOSS 0×0000008 KERNEL TRAP IN ipod.exe **PANIC
    2. Steve and Steve? Is it any wonder why gays and little girls want a
      pretty Mac?
    3. Computers that are only operable within the premises of a Starbucks
    4. The computers think? Asimov and Orwell have been warning us about
      this for years! This is like when that one scientist guy in the
      Terminator had to kill himself to prevent the creation something
      that would end the world. I think the Macs have to go.
    5. what the hell is a dynamic duo anyway? who in the hell is
      writing this crap? you ever heard of a STATIC DUO??!?
      HUH?!? hey, you! yes you! you come over here you bastardized
      test-question-writing clone of a dead dog! You listen
      to me! I’m not having any more of your filthy lies! So go
      home!
    6. OS XXXIVIIII
    7. Jonny 5
    8. Junkyard Wars
    9. Toaster

  18. The Answer is “DNS/BIND”, What is the question, stupid?
    1. In 1986, this nasa vehicle was running what operating
      system when it blue screened over Cape Canaveral?
    2. My God, Elga, did you see the size of those Melons?
    3. What is the tool used to extract sweet nectar from a rare plant
      that grows only Africa called the Ougadougabouga?
    4. What is the question?
    5. Mmmmmmm nectar?
    6. What is a rare form of torture for network admins and anyone
      who lives in a steakhouse?
    7. Dude, Where’s my car?
    8. What is Alex Trebec doing nekkid in my kitchen with dem wild
      ferrets?
  19. Netware uses three log files to track error-reporting on a Netware server. name five of them.
    1. HA! You said ‘log’!
    2. This is like that Ben Folds Five thing. There are three people in the band but they call it Ben Folds Five. That’s clever. Name all five now!
    3. How about bah.log, that’s where I log the listing of all of the various treasure that I find on the ground like bottle caps, cigarette butts, and losing lottery tickets.
    4. Banyon/Vines, Tomatillosauce.txt, oedipus.yourenotmydaddy.txt, whyinthenameofgodareyourunningnetware.exe, notavirusnonotme.exe.pif.xml.asp
    5. netware was in this dream i had about this one really old proprietary crappy network management system and then I woke up and there it was and i hated it so much i peed in da raid cluster.
    6. Yeah but Netware ran under DOS before Wfw3.11 came out and put netware out of business. Then Novell got mad and sold unick to some Sock company and now they’re trying to steal a uniq from Lonock Treeval and he’s real mad about now all because of some impropriety network thing and someone peeing into a matrix array or something.
    7. Ich liebe Microsoft! Auch H�lle mit netware! Es ist wie das Esen von von Milch ohne Getreide! Ole! Ole! Ich bin ein spanischer Stier mit dem Sirup! laufen Sie wie der Wind zur Oberseite des Abgrundes und kreischen Sie tooty-toot-toot zu den amerikanischen Schweinen! avec!
    8. Well one’s about 3 feet, another is 56 and…….what? log files? i thought you said long fi…? disqualified? I’LL SHOW YOU DISQUALIFIED <BLAM> <BLAM><BLAM>
      <BLAM> <BLAM>!!!
  20. What is Assembly Language?
    1. What the hell isn’t?
    2. That one guy from that movie we saw that one time. you know…….with the dragons and kung fu?…………that’s him. ‘ol whatshisface.
    3. A new mac OS made entirely out of tinkertoys and legos. you have to use a wooden crank on the front to start it and pedal it like on of those indian looms
    4. Batteries not included
    5. Who?
    6. According to the diagram in Fig. 4-b if you insert the screw into place Q beam FF67 will fall correctly into place to complete your very own do-it-yourself slaughterhouse.
    7. I visited neverland ranch one time but it said closed for naptime and then i thought id be real quiet but it musta been one a those bullhorn naps because them kids was a screamin like they was nappin on TV!!!
    8. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
    9. Assembly is when you se a preacher on TV and you like his wifes boobies and you send him all your money cause maybe then she’ll come over cause you been a good boy this June
    10. Thirty days hath september, april, mars, and montana. all the rest have cold weather except for summer, which ain’t often.
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