Date: Tue Jun 20 18:18:41 2006
From: Tony Perrie <tony@involution.com>
To: gigs-173569286@craigslist.org
Subject: Bartering for Web Design Skills

Hello there. I saw your ad on craigslist, and immediately I was ecstatic. I'm a web designer with an intense need to collect office supplies! In fact, I stockpile this treasure. I hope you don't feel that you're supporting my Office Supply Hoarding Syndrome (OSHS) which is recognized by the American Psychiatric Association's DSM IV. I would amass this pile of implements regardless of whether you gave them to me or not. So, just let me do my thing without judgment. OK?

In addition to obsessively stowing away office supplies, I have a great passion for interior plants. I love them so much; in fact, I was evicted from my last apartment for owning too many. The management at Riata suspected that I was growing illegal substances and threw me out on the street.

All that aside, your post seems like a brilliant deal for me. You're offering the quinella of consumer items that I'm most interested in acquiring before I die. And not only that, I can get them directly without the ridiculous need to exchange dirty currency with unscrupulous retailers.

I'll go ahead and start the bartering negotiation with the following schedule of payment. I will design your web site in exchange for these items:

(3) Pilot(r) Precise V5 Liquid Ink Rollerball Pens, 0.5 mm, Extra-Fine Point, Assorted Colors, Pack Of 7
(2) Fellowes Powershred PS-62C
(5) BIC(r) BicMatic Grip Mechanical Pencils, 0.7 mm, Pack Of 12
(17) 3M Post-it(r) Notes In Ultra Colors, 3" x 3", Pack Of 5
(13) 3M Post-it(r) Smaller-Size Flags, Bright Colors, Pack Of 4 Colors
(2) Office Depot(r) White Copy Paper, 8 1/2" x 11" Letter Size, 20 Lb., 104 Brightness, Ream Of 500 Sheets, Case Of 10 Reams (it has to be Office Depot, I'm allergic to Office Max's paper)
(13) Paper Mate(r) Pink Pearl(r) Erasers, Medium, Pack Of 3
(19) Folger's Coffee "Classic Roast" 52oz Canisters
(2) China Doll (Radermachera sinica) Interior Plant
(7) Holly Fern Interior Plant
(3) Weeping Fig Interior Plant
(11) Dracaena Deremensis Interior Plant

I will accept counter offers, however, all quantities must be prime numbers. This is an old superstition I've had since we started the "War on Terror" while we were simultaneously fighting the "War on Drugs". Since we're fighting a prime number of wars, I think all office supplies should be ordered in prime numbers. This helps give America good luck so we can win all of our wars and continue to be an angry powerhouse of a nation. GO USA! I know it sounds crazy, but my therapist says that it should be fine as long as I keep taking my Wellbutrin.

Attached to this electronic missive is a copy of the email encoded in my own alphabet. I would like very much for all correspondence to be done through the U.S. Mail (Priority or First Class) with everything hand written using my letters. I don't like Arabic letters because Fox News told me that all Arabians are terrorists. Also, Donald Knuth is my idol. He doesn't use email, and I don't feel I should have to either. It's the third lowest form of communication just above organized chants at sporting events and construction workers hollerin' at women.

Horticulturally yours,

Tony Perrie
Web Designer, OSHS Sufferer, and Connoisseur of Fine Interior Plants