Let’s face it. Physicists are lazy. One way to motivate them is to take away their private offices and pile them into a single room. The idea is that we put two physicists at every desk. That way, if one gets bored and starts looking at lolcats, the other will keep him on track.

This system strictly prohibits physicists from having ideas that aren’t proven to be effective. For instance, if a rogue physicist has an original idea, the other must ridicule this practice. That’s called cowboy research and has been proven to be unmaintainable by other physicists.

Look, hard-working physicists are very busy doing Agile Research. They don’t have time to read papers and independently verify results. Creating new paradigms is not scalable as it requires workers be trained to think for themselves. This is both a costly and dangerous practice.

Consider this. If Caltech would have forced Feynman to share an office with Gell-mann eight-hours-per-day, the quantity of physics completed would have easily doubled. Feynman wouldn’t have had the time to decode the Dresden codex and hang out at strip clubs. He would have just been chained to a desk in Caltech’s new physics factory. Imagine all of the wondrous ideas that weren’t discovered because of his inefficient work environment!

We must presuppose that all researchers are identical and respond fantastically to an Agile mythology created by experts. After all, a society is merely a group of people who believe the same mythology. Why not just enforce the homogeneity of thinking and work practices into physics research departments? Academic conformity must be assured lest the entire civilization devolve into a chaotic diversity of thought. The tyranny of autonomy and independent experimentation must be stopped.