Today, Cap’n W.G. Fancypants and I were comiserating about all of the lame bands and people that spam you on myspace begging to be friended. We armchair psychoanalyzed this behavior as a consequence of bands trying to inflate their popularity and lonely people looking for attention. We came up with a brilliant money-making strategy whereby we’d send back a paypal link with a bill for how much cheddar it would take to friend them. We even developed a mathematical formula where the cost of friendship would vary in direct proportion with social ineptitude, lack of artistic signifigance, and whether or not they live in 78704. Fancypants then took it up a notch by suggesting some kind of insane, eHarmony-style online questionaire that would be automatically scored. He listed some of the potential friend criteria questions as, “Would you be willing to let a wasp sting you? If yes, how many?”, “Would you hit a wolf with a bat?”, “Did you ever hoard wet dynamite to keep it away from armadillos?” and “Does running in a rhombus whilst drinking Stewart’s Ginger Beer make you ambivalent?” You know… The normal things you ask a potential friend or coworker if you’ve lost your flippin’ mind.